Worst Thing

TED RALL, a cartoonist whose work appears occasionally on the page opposite, dislikes small talk. In social situations he doesn't ask ''Where are you from?'' or ''What do you do?'' -- questions that ''don't tell you a damn thing about the individual with whom you're dealing.''He asks, ''What's the worst thing you've ever done?''Some people say they've never done anything really all that bad. Mr. Rall doesn't believe them: ''Can it be that there are human beings so inexperienced and unadventurous that they've never even flirted with the dark side of human nature?

To the age-old question of how many conservatives does it take to screw in a light bulb, we now have a definitive answer: Just one, but it will take him weeks to chase down a vintage incandescent bulb because he won't touch an energy-efficient one. At least that's the obvious conclusion to draw from a new study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. The study, put together by researchers from Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania and Duke University's Fuqua School of Business, asked hundreds of people to pass judgment on light bulb options.

"I've never particularly cared about the money. I don't like the fame ... that's the worst thing about it for me. I don't like being recognized shopping for pants." -- Comedian Ricky Gervais

San Francisco 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh has been catching a little flak for his decision to play several starters into the fourth quarter of an eventual 48-3 laugher against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Sunday. The greatest heat has been applied after top receiver Josh Morgan suffered a fractured right ankle with four minutes left in the contest. Harbaugh, however, has a compatriot in Ravens coach John Harbaugh, who has been known to keep his starters in a contest that has already been decided.

Sykesville's efforts to renovate aging hospital buildings at the Warfield Complex into a business and academic center received a $300,000 boost from the Carroll County commissioners yesterday. The commissioners unanimously approved a $300,000 grant and made Carroll a partner with the town and state in the restoration of the Warfield Complex. The state recently budgeted $100,000 for the effort, bringing Maryland's contribution to nearly $400,000. "The county has given us the spark to start the fire," said Sykesville Mayor Jonathan S. Herman.

Jim Poole didn't have to wait until New Year's Day to make a resolution. It was about this time a year ago that he realized a change would have to be made for 1993.When he showed up for the Orioles' first day of informal off-season workouts yesterday, it created a flashback to last year. The left-hander had felt the timing was right to make a change in his preparation for spring training.Instead of a winter tuneup, Poole gave his arm what he thought was a needed rest. It turned out to be a disastrous choice.

Sykesville's efforts to renovate aging hospital buildings at the Warfield Complex into a business and academic center received a $300,000 boost from the Carroll County commissioners yesterday. The commissioners unanimously approved a $300,000 grant and made Carroll a partner with the town and state in the restoration of the Warfield Complex. The state recently budgeted $100,000 for the effort, bringing Maryland's contribution to nearly $400,000. "The county has given us the spark to start the fire," said Sykesville Mayor Jonathan S. Herman.

NEW YORK prides itself on being one of the toughest towns in the world. People actually take special trips there to be insulted. It makes them feel so good when they return home.I was in a drug store on Lexington Avenue the other day. After handling my purchase, the clerk said to me, "Thank you."Two men in raincoats and slouch hats, who were pretending to read a magazine, twirled around and flashed their badges from New York's elite Rudeness Police."What did you say?" one asked the clerk.

HONOLULU - The worst thing that happened to Michelle Wie wasn't the 2-over 72 she shot yesterday in the first round of the Sony Open. No, the worst thing was Wednesday afternoon's storm that knocked out the electricity at her house and meant she couldn't watch television. Possibly missing the cut at a PGA Tour event is one thing, but don't mess with a 14-year-old's television time. Wie, 14, believed to be the youngest player ever in a PGA Tour event, didn't blow away the field, but she certainly caused a stir at Waialae Country Club just by showing up. Afterward, Wie said she had learned something.

Martin O'Malley probably never expected to get the important endorsement of the Interdenominational Ministerial Alliance. That went to Carl Stokes last week. But what O'Malley might not have appreciated is how his very candidacy appears to boil the blood of some of Baltimore's most influential clergy. A leading minister says Mayor O'Malley would be "the worst thing that could happen."The Rev. Douglas I. Miles, pastor of Koinonia Baptist Church and president of the alliance, practically sees red when he considers O'Malley, who is the leading white candidate in the field.

When Donald Trump was publicly proven wrong yesterday by President Barack Obama releasing his long-form birth certificate (reiterating what we already know is true: He's a U.S. citizen), most people expected Trump to react with some variation of "I'm an idiot. I was wrong. " Instead, Trump used the opportunity to praise himself.   "Today, I am very proud of myself," he said at a news conference. "... I feel I've accomplished something really, really important and I'm honored by it. "  How does one make sense of this inexplicable behavior?

The day after Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro had successfully come through four-plus hours of surgery after his breakdown in the 131st Preakness Stakes on Saturday, his co-owner, Gretchen Jackson, still sounded heartsick. "It's sad, so sad," she said. "I know he's doing well right now, but it's hard to get over - and there is such a long way he has to go." Barbaro was undefeated, 6-for-6, and projected to be the next Triple Crown winner by many experts. But on Saturday, his racing career ended when he suffered three major breaks in his right hind leg shortly after the start of the Preakness.

Clutter, disorder, disarray. A desk inundated by papers last examined in 1998. Books stacked beyond recall by the Dewey Decimal System. John Coltrane CDs "filed" next to Vivaldi. Forgotten substances stored at the back of the refrigerator. Closets stuffed with stuff unworn since the Nehru-collar era. Pantry and garage indescribable to ordinary mortals. Perhaps you, as I do, face this new year threatened by the dreaded syndrome Chronic Disorganization. I sought professional help. January is, after all, Get Organized Month.

SINCE THERE are only about six of us left in the entire country who still eat bread, I probably shouldn't have been surprised about what happened when my wife and I went to a local restaurant the other night. After we were seated, our server appeared with a basket of dinner rolls. "I don't know whether you still eat this stuff," she said, putting the basket on the table. Then she looked down at it the way you'd look at medical waste. Apparently, she figured us for two of the millions of diet zombies who have joined the low-carb cult.

"I've never particularly cared about the money. I don't like the fame ... that's the worst thing about it for me. I don't like being recognized shopping for pants." -- Comedian Ricky Gervais

They stripped away layers of peeling paint, repaired the wooden siding and then added four new coats of primer and latex paint. The bright, almost glaring, yellow gave the Sykesville Colored Schoolhouse the hue its remaining alumni remember well. "It looks the same today, except it used to have an outhouse that was the same color," said Ruth Gaither, 81, of Sykesville, among the last students to attend what was the only school for African-American children in South Carroll. "We never had any trouble finding that building."

When Donald Trump was publicly proven wrong yesterday by President Barack Obama releasing his long-form birth certificate (reiterating what we already know is true: He's a U.S. citizen), most people expected Trump to react with some variation of "I'm an idiot. I was wrong. " Instead, Trump used the opportunity to praise himself.   "Today, I am very proud of myself," he said at a news conference. "... I feel I've accomplished something really, really important and I'm honored by it. "  How does one make sense of this inexplicable behavior?

A standout Westminster High School athlete remained in critical condition yesterday after a one-car accident Thursday night near Taneytown. Carrie Serio, 17, of Finksburg lost control of her Saturn about 11 p.m. and hit a utility pole on Mayberry Road near Halter Road, Maryland State Police said. She was flown to Maryland Shock Trauma Center in Baltimore, where she was listed in critical but stable condition yesterday, nursing coordinator Therese Trainum said. The news about Serio, a soccer goalie, basketball guard and lacrosse midfielder, upset her classmates.

MANCHESTER, N.H. - As Sen. John Kerry sought to shore up support for the victory that polls show he is poised to seize here, he leapt at the chance yesterday to defend himself against the charge Republicans are increasingly lobbing at him: that he's a classic Massachusetts liberal out of step with the rest of the nation. "If the worst thing they can say about me is that I'm, quote, a liberal, or something, let's go - bring it on," Kerry told an undecided voter who wondered aloud how the senator would overcome Republican accusations that he stands even further to the left than Edward M. Kennedy, the liberal icon who is his state's senior senator.

HONOLULU - The worst thing that happened to Michelle Wie wasn't the 2-over 72 she shot yesterday in the first round of the Sony Open. No, the worst thing was Wednesday afternoon's storm that knocked out the electricity at her house and meant she couldn't watch television. Possibly missing the cut at a PGA Tour event is one thing, but don't mess with a 14-year-old's television time. Wie, 14, believed to be the youngest player ever in a PGA Tour event, didn't blow away the field, but she certainly caused a stir at Waialae Country Club just by showing up. Afterward, Wie said she had learned something.