White Trash

Donald Trump has surprised the audience with double firings in the past on The Apprentice, but never for a sillier reason than on Sunday. Explaining why he had pitched the idea of go-karts at an event for Lexus, Derek classified himself as "white trash," in a joking way. Trump seized on this, declared it stupid, wouldn't let it go, and finally, impulsively, fired him. And you thought you had a crazy boss.

LOOK at my name. Now, read about my family.My brother and his wife are crack addicts and high school dropouts. When money was tight, my mother worked as a prostitute. She was held hostage once by her crazy ex-convict boyfriend, who dunked her head in a toilet, at knifepoint.My cousin is in prison for stealing cars and checks from my aunt and grandmother. Her two sons, both teen-agers, are in jail for murder. My grandmother lives in a trailer park. I am the only one of my American cousins to go to college.

MR. Hard-working White American, please read Peter Hermann's story in today's Sun.Mr. Hard-working White American wrote me in response to my column on the rash of school shootings in various parts of the country, in which I noted that the perpetrators -- except for the most recent one in Richmond, Va., in which no one was killed -- were white."

WASHINGTON -- The only thing more perilous than refusing to give the press what it wants is to give the press exactly what it wants.Which Paula Jones found out yesterday.Paula Jones is the woman who says Bill Clinton lured her to a hotel room in 1991, dropped his pants, and demanded oral sex. She is now suing him.Clinton denies everything. His lawyer, Bob Bennett, claims presidential immunity and wants the courts to delay any action on the suit until Clinton has left office.In recent months, Jones has avoided the press.

Washington. -- A couple of sharp-eyed readers of this column caught me in a ''gotcha'' of political correctness. They wanted me to know I had offended some people by my use of a certain word in a column I had written. The word was ''Eskimo.''Use Aleut or Inuit or some other native ethnic label, I was told. ''Eskimo,'' like ''Indian'' or ''Negro,'' is a word white settlers conferred on the native non-white people of Alaska, Canada and other regions of the frigid north, not a term they chose for themselves.

As the saying goes, every dog has its day. So it was only a matter of time until the dubious luster of low-rent culture stole the limelight of fickle fashion.Forget treed East Coast enclaves and ultraswank Bel Air mansions, it's trailer parks and and the hinterlands that are the location of choice for movies, TV and print ads these days. Hollywood animal trainers are passing on chi-chi Shih Tzusand are opting instead for pit bulls. Costume designers are shopping at Kmart and Target instead of Armani and Barneys.

When it first started, the move to put Elvis Presley on a postage stamp seemed simple enough. Elvis, the fans pointed out, was perhaps the most acclaimed and influential popular musician of his day, a singer whose sound resonated in the hearts of listeners around the globe. All they wanted, then, was a simple memorial of the sort routinely bestowed on poets, painters and politicians.Some folks didn't want Elvis messing with the U.S. mail, however, and immediately marked the idea "return to sender."

The area concert calendar includes:Hammerjacks welcomes Big Audio Dynamite (Saturday and Sunday), House of Freaks and School of Fish (Sept. 28), Hoodoo Gurus (Sept. 29) and White Trash ( Oct. 4).The Capital Centre hosts Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers and Chris Whitley (Tuesday), Van Halen and Alice In Chains (Oct. 17) and George Michael (Oct. 31).Pier Six finishes its season this week with Little Feat (Sunday) and Kathy Mattea and Restless Heart (Sept. 27).Steeltown has the Village People (Oct.

To see the New York band White Trash and its infectious MTV video for "Apple Pie," you'd think the brass-laden boys have hit the big time.Tours. Money. Girls. More videos. Fancy hotel rooms.But really, none of that has happened to the band yet. White Trash has been in the borough of Queens much of the time waiting for the "go" sign from their booking agent and record company."We haven't been any farther south than Baltimore and no more west than Buffalo," said singer Dave Alvin, who along with Aaron and Ethan Collins (bass and guitar)

While some rock bands are singing the holiday blues this Christmas season, Kix singer Steve Whiteman says he's perfectly content to be resting comfortably at home awaiting a pair of upcoming shows, especially Tuesday's New Year's Eve show at Hammerjacks.For many bands in Kix's genre, the passing of 1991 won't come a minute too soon.It was, according to most promoters and bands, the worst concert year in history."Everybody is just waiting for the situation to get better," said Whiteman, whose band has been doing national club touring in support of its latest album, "Hot Wire."

Things are getting complicated. In the same week that a black man clinched the Democratic nomination for president, the white, Republican vice president was forced to apologize for making a crack that played on the myth that poor white folks like having sex with their cousins. It probably wouldn't have been a big deal had Dick Cheney not singled out West Virginia, the bluest of the red states. He was talking about having Cheneys on both sides of his family and, he said, "we don't even live in West Virginia."

Cedric Williams Jr. zipped between the trees, yanking up one slim green stem after another in a whirl of activity, until he had collected a bunch. He ran down the sun-dappled hill in Patapsco Valley State Park, stuffed the plants into a white trash bag, then resumed his frenzied pace of pulling. "Cedric, don't pull so violent - make sure you're getting the roots," his father, Cedric Williams Sr. of Woodstock, called after him. "I'm getting the roots," the 11-year-old replied. The Williams men - and dozens of others spread throughout the Avalon and Glen Artney areas of the park yesterday afternoon - had good reason to be thorough: They were hunting down and uprooting the so-called "villain of the valley," otherwise known as garlic mustard.

Donald Trump has surprised the audience with double firings in the past on The Apprentice, but never for a sillier reason than on Sunday. Explaining why he had pitched the idea of go-karts at an event for Lexus, Derek classified himself as "white trash," in a joking way. Trump seized on this, declared it stupid, wouldn't let it go, and finally, impulsively, fired him. And you thought you had a crazy boss.

Galactic launch Funk all-stars Galactic will blast off tomorrow and Saturday at the 9:30 Club in Washington. The New Orleans sextet, which includes two ex-Washingtonians, will bring its unique funk-rock-jazz style to the stage around 10 both nights. Opening acts, tomorrow's Benevento Russo Duo and Saturday's Louque, will also shake it for the crowd. Doors open at 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $25 each night. The 9:30 Club is at 815 V St. N.W., Washington. For more information, call 202-393-0930 or visit www.930.

For theater, classical music and dance reviews and event listings, go to www.SunSpot.net/stageWelcome to Baltimore, Hon. During the summer tourist season, the simple phrase can be heard all around the city. To some locals, it symbolizes Baltimore's friendly working-class reputation. To others, it's just a reminder that the bay-side port is still packed with Waters-esque characters. But the turn of phrase takes on a different meaning in Brandon Welch's new comedy. The actor-writer-producer used it as the title for his award-winning play, a show that chronicles Charm City's prominent and sometimes gloomy "white trash" culture.

SAG HARBOR, N.Y. - It has been very hard this summer for Hamptons people without the Clintons to talk about. For nine years, the bad and the beautiful could endure the long days by complaining about President Bill and Hillary before they came out to collect money. It's true that Senator Hillary will be here in a week or so, but she's coming to inspect a contaminated ground-water site or something boring like that. There is the unfolding Congressman Condit and the missing intern story, but New Yorkers can't sustain more than a minute or two of conversation about people from Modesto.

LOOK at my name. Now, read about my family.My brother and his wife are crack addicts and high school dropouts. When money was tight, my mother worked as a prostitute. She was held hostage once by her crazy ex-convict boyfriend, who dunked her head in a toilet, at knifepoint.My cousin is in prison for stealing cars and checks from my aunt and grandmother. Her two sons, both teen-agers, are in jail for murder. My grandmother lives in a trailer park. I am the only one of my American cousins to go to college.

MR. Hard-working White American, please read Peter Hermann's story in today's Sun.Mr. Hard-working White American wrote me in response to my column on the rash of school shootings in various parts of the country, in which I noted that the perpetrators -- except for the most recent one in Richmond, Va., in which no one was killed -- were white."

WASHINGTON -- The only thing more perilous than refusing to give the press what it wants is to give the press exactly what it wants.Which Paula Jones found out yesterday.Paula Jones is the woman who says Bill Clinton lured her to a hotel room in 1991, dropped his pants, and demanded oral sex. She is now suing him.Clinton denies everything. His lawyer, Bob Bennett, claims presidential immunity and wants the courts to delay any action on the suit until Clinton has left office.In recent months, Jones has avoided the press.

Washington. -- A couple of sharp-eyed readers of this column caught me in a ''gotcha'' of political correctness. They wanted me to know I had offended some people by my use of a certain word in a column I had written. The word was ''Eskimo.''Use Aleut or Inuit or some other native ethnic label, I was told. ''Eskimo,'' like ''Indian'' or ''Negro,'' is a word white settlers conferred on the native non-white people of Alaska, Canada and other regions of the frigid north, not a term they chose for themselves.