Tiger Woods

The feeding frenzy over Tiger Woods' tiny run-in with a fire hydrant has taken voyeurism to new depths. Where was he going at 2:25 in the morning? Why wasn't he wearing shoes? Why was his wife smashing his Cadillac Escalade's window with a nine-iron? Prying minds apparently want to know all this and more. And the insatiable, ubiquitous media - from the bloviating blogosphere to the cackling cable commentariat - are all too happy to oblige. Might we interrupt this terribly unimportant episode in the private life of a professional golfer to point out that it's nobody's business?

Tiger Woods is taking an indefinite leave of absence from professional golf. Using the word "infidelity" for the first time since the bizarre car accident outside his Florida home on Nov. 27, the world's top golfer issued a statement on his Web site Friday night in which he announced he's taking a break from the sport he's dominated for more than a decade. "I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children," Woods said in his statement.

IN FOUR GLORIOUS days, Tiger Woods forever changed the face of golf. Exclusive country clubs and white-dominated PGA tournaments had stigmatized golf as a sport that minorities had no reason to embrace. Golf was much like tennis a generation ago, before young Arthur Ashe stunned the world with his Wimbledon victory.Plenty of African-Americans swing tennis raquets now and, no doubt, people of African and Asian descent will find golf less restrictive because of this 21-year-old phenom who embodies American multiculturalism.

A headline in yesterday's editions said incorrectly that Tiger Woods is expected to play at two golf tournaments in Montgomery County next month. Woods is expected to play at '' the U.S. Open but not at the Kemper Open.The Sun regrets the error.For two weeks next month, Montgomery County will be transformed into a golf heaven -- or the traffic jam from hell.Thousands of fans are expected at the Kemper Open one week and the U.S. Open the next, cramming local roads, filling hotels and restaurants, and stuffing millions of dollars into the local economy.

I was actually surprised, Bill, to hear that anyone thinks the U.S. has a good shot in this week's Ryder Cup. Sure, the Yanks dominated the first 60 or so years of the international golf showdown, but check out recent history. The Europeans have won the past three Ryder Cups, five of the past eight and eight of the past 11. In 2004 and 2006, seemingly loaded U.S. teams lost, 18 1/2 points to 9 1/2 points. For those unfamiliar with match-play scoring, that's the equivalent of say, a 35-10 beatdown in the NFL. Quite simply, the Ryder Cup isn't something Americans do well anymore.

If this Ryder Cup were decided merely on obvious talent and recent accomplishment, we wouldn't have to play the tournament. We would just hand the gold cup topped with the little golfer over to the Europeans and let it go at that. And you know, that would still be true even if the recuperating Tiger Woods were teeing it up for the United States, because his presence has not made up for what has basically deviled the Americans in the past three Ryder Cups (all European wins): a lack of depth.

It was going to happen eventually. He simply couldn't win every time he teed it up (could he?) Still, it was somewhat remarkable yesterday morning when Australia's Geoff Ogilvy officially ended Tiger Woods' winning streak by wrapping up the rain-delayed CA Championship. Ogilvy shot a 1-under-par 71 to end the somewhat absurd talk of Tiger's perfect season, finishing at 17-under, one shot better than Retief Goosen, Vijay Singh and Jim Furyk. Woods started the day five back and finished fifth.

AUGUSTA, Ga.-- --Ayear earlier, Tiger Woods - cut like an action hero, cast as a folk hero - sat on the same podium and answered a similar question. At the time, he had won two majors in a row. Had the possibility of winning four straight even crossed his mind? "No, I'm thinking about trying to place my ball around this golf course," he said. "That's about it." At the time, he would just as soon talk about Nike's overseas factories as a Grand Slam or a Tiger Slam or even a Denny's All-American Slam.

I AM FUZZY ZOELLER.I tell ethnic, racial and gender-based jokes. Also jokes based on stereotyping people by physical and mental characteristics. I've even got a book. Lots of "little moron" jokes. Even jokes about paraplegics. It's an old book. Times have changed a little. But not completely. I tell fewer such jokes now than I used to, but I still tell them. More often, I listen to others tell them.You are Fuzzy Zoeller.Probably. Admit it. Most of the people I know - and I don't mean just old white males - tell such jokes at least once in a while.

There's a lot of justifiable hand-wringing going on among those associated with golf that without Tiger Woods, the profile index of the PGA Tour will slip to something approximating that of pro bowling or curling. As a result, there's talk among golf commentators about how the PGA needs to begin promoting other players so that there won't be such a huge drop in interest - especially in TV ratings - when Woods isn't playing. (A much-quoted Los Angeles Times article indicated that when Tiger played and was in contention, the ratings on CBS and NBC golf telecasts were up an average of 111 percent.