Spam

Let's dish about spam - the kind that comes in a can at the grocery store and the kind that fills up your computer's in-box. First, let's consider original Spam, a pork and ham food product that is formed into a block. I always thought pork and ham were somewhat similar if not interchangeable terms. Thankfully, the official Spam Web site reveals that ham refers to a specific cut of meat - the upper hind leg - whereas pork can refer to "several delicious cuts." To me, this means pork probably includes many "delicious cuts" we might never before have considered delicious, but which turn out to be darn yummy when rendered unrecognizable, pressed into a generic meatloaf.

It seems that everyone has a blog these days - a spot that others can visit to find out what they have to say about something or nothing in particular. Some blogs are widely valued fonts of specialized wisdom, but many are viewed as uninteresting expressions of personal ego. The difficulty of sorting the good blogs from the bad can be a frustrating challenge - one that is seen as a serious threat to what has been viewed as a vital feature of the Internet. Now, three University of Maryland, Baltimore County researchers have made a far more disturbing conclusion about blogs.

I received the nicest e-mail last week from Daisy Larkin Pritchard, telling me my order had been approved. Later that day, the happy news was repeated by Janice Accuracy Hutchinson and Davina Bovine Shoemaker, and again that night by Carmella Iniquitous Stovall and Iva Cowhide Dahl. These e-mails intrigued me not only because of the names of their senders but because I hadn't placed any order. They arrived in my AOL "spam" folder, where they joined similarly uninvited correspondence from Vince Episodic Trujillo, Christian Bite Fernandez and Rigoberto Handset Prince, plus two dozen other notes, some written in Cyrillic and promising Russian delights, and others in Japanese kanji and katakana.

WASHINGTON -- I received a very nice invitation the other day to play poker with Wendy O'Brien. I enjoy poker and briefly considered the offer, as I hadn't played in a long time. But there was one small problem: I have no idea who is Wendy O'Brien. My invitation from Ms. O'Brien appeared in my e-mail box, along with 21 other pieces of spam, or electronic junk mail. Let me, for posterity, note others I received that day: The address "Inquiries" told me I qualified for a diploma. MaryJo sent me an "expiration notice."

Last week, in SpamFighting 101, we talked about keeping out of the sights of the junk e-mailers who turn our Inboxes into billboards for porn sites and phony-diploma mills. This week, in SF 102, we'll talk about dealing with the garbage that pours down the mail pipe despite your best efforts to avoid it. First, consider that there are two kinds of junk mail. The first comes from a legitimate merchant or Web site that got your name as part of a transaction you were involved in. For example, you may have purchased a CD online, registered software or done something else to put yourself in the line of fire.

TURN ON COMPUTER, check e-mail, another sunny day in Spam Country. Wade through usual dozen ads for male enhancement products. Promises of incredible growth, renewed vigor, sustained activity - what are we talking about here, the stock market? Uh, maybe not. "Experience hours and hours of primal, mind-blowing sex!" one ad screams. Geez, sounds absolutely terrifying. Where's the delete key? Oh, look. Another e-mail from my Nigerian friends. These guys are terrific. Former government officials, widows of high-ranking military officers, prominent scientists on the lam - but they always take time out of their busy schedules to stay in touch.

Eventually, it had to happen.Spam, the ugly duckling of luncheon meats, would have its day. And now, Spam fans, that day has come.The geniuses at Hormel have unveiled the ultimate in designer apparel, the kind of fashion statement that even Porky Pig would admire. That's right, Spamwear.Yes, executives at Hormel Foods Corp. have issued an official Spam catalog, replete with T-shirts, baseball caps and watches emblazoned with the distinctive, if boring, Spam logo.There's even, ye gods, Spam sweat pants -- with the word Spam strategically placed on the left ham hock.

AUSTIN, Minn. -- The Geo. A. Hormel & Co. threw itself one humdinger of a 100th birthday party Saturday, with a hot-air balloon, rock music and more cans of Spam, the company's most famous product, than seemed remotely digestible.It was a day to celebrate how George Hormel, a German immigrant, founded a meat-packing empire whose sales topped $2.6 billion last year. Along the way, the company claims to have invented Canadian bacon, marketed the first canned ham and sent 200 million pigs to hog heaven.

The University of Alabama at Birmingham's Spam Data Mine is warning consumers about a new spam trend using MSNBC that attempts to trick e-mail readers into clicking on a site that will infect their computers. UAB says that since the new spam attack is based on real e-mail messages sent to MSNBC Alert subscribers, it will be nearly impossible to block the spam without also blocking legitimate MSNBC mail. Gary Warner, UAB's director of computer forensics, said that for several days last week, one of the top spam messages detected by the Spam Data Mine was "CNN Alerts: my Custom Alert," which forged a CNN e-mail.

Despite grumbling from anti-spam hard-liners, President Bush yesterday signed the Can-Spam Act into law, laying down what the administration called the first national "rules of the road" for the junk-mail-clogged information superhighway. The bill, which takes effect Jan. 1, requires that companies sending bulk commercial e-mail provide a means for recipients to opt-out of receiving it, clearly label pornographic spam and supply valid sender information so messages can be traced. It provides for stiff fines, including jail time for those who falsify sender information and improperly send pornographic e-mail, levies civil fines of up to $2 million and authorizes the exploration of a national do-not-spam list.