Snake

IT'S SUMMER VACATION time, and I'm sure you can't wait to jump into the family car and drive to fun and exciting new places, preferably before the family wakes up and realizes you're gone.But before you hit the road, you should make sure your car is in proper mechanical condition. Drive to your local gas station, beep your horn, and when a friendly, competent mechanic comes out to help you, ask him to please call the mental hospital, because you are hallucinating. There are no friendly, competent mechanics at gas stations anymore; there are nervous cashiers locked inside bulletproof enclosuressurrounded by smokeless-tobacco products.

I hate to bring this up so close to the presidential election, but it turns out that the problem of snakes in toilets is even worse than we thought.You may recall that several months ago I wrote about a chilling but true incident in Oklahoma wherein a courageous man fought a lengthy multicommode battle to evict a lengthy snake from the plumbing system of a sportsmen's club. The man would flush the snake down one toilet, thinking he had got rid of it, but then, bam, it would pop up in another toilet.

MIAMI -- A year after two bodies were discovered locked in gruesome embrace deep in the marsh, a television documentary attempts to solve a mystery since burned into Everglades lore. Did a giant python really explode after swallowing an alligator? And what ate the snake's head? The National Geographic Explorer show examines what happened last September when a 13-foot Burmese python ate a 6-foot gator in Everglades National Park. The extraordinary encounter was captured in a memorable macabre photo that captivated the public and experts alike, and - for a week, at least - made "alligator-python" among the most Googled phrases on the planet.

Martin Olson might have loved his pet pythons, but when Melissa began to wrap its 14-foot trunk around his right leg one night in 1995, he did not treat it lovingly.The 30-year-old Pasadena resident grabbed a fishing knife from his bedroom dresser and cut off the snake's head.Then, fearing that his 6-foot albino python Rex might attack as well, Olson took the precaution of beheading it, too.Yesterday, looking repentant, Olson, of the first block of Lake Shore Drive, pleaded guilty in Anne Arundel Circuit Court to two counts of cruelty to animals.

SNAKE IN THE CAGE IS WORTH A DOG AT HOMEFor a Brooklyn Park woman, a snake is just as good as a guard dog.The woman's reptile may have saved her belongings Tuesday after someone broke into her home. Sometime that day, a person broke through a screen door and was able to unlock the back door to a home in the 400 block of Hillcrest Avenue.The woman owns an 18-inch-long snake that, "eats small animals and would probably attack anyone attempting to pick it up," a police report says.The rare reptile's cage was apparently the only thing in the home disturbed.

The arrival of a Baltimore County woman at a White Marsh clinic with a cobra bite to her finger touched off a two-state scramble for antivenin to save her. Meanwhile, her story - that she had come across the highly poisonous monocled cobra in the parking lot of the White Marsh Mall - immediately raised eyebrows among the snake-savvy. Experts say the animals, normally found in Southeast Asia, could not survive outdoors in Maryland in January. And finger bites are typical of injuries to careless snake handlers during feeding.

New Orleans. -- I like to think that I don't belong to anybody. I think I have a constitutional right to that effect, but times being what they are it isn't easy. Everything and everybody gives off this plaintive wail: Belong! Belong! Be a member of our guild, our gun club, our 10-billion strong credit-card family; be a member of our family, our generation, our nation; our world -- and pay those dues, dammit!In truth, there are certain things you can't help being part of, either because you were born into them or you got yourself in too deep.

Time to celebrate Chinese New Year Wednesday marks the start of the Chinese New Year, a 4,699-year-old annual Chinese holiday that itself marks the start of the new lunar year. The holiday is symbolized cyclically by one of 12 animals. Legend has it that just before dying, Buddha called all animals to him. He honored the first 12 to arrive by naming a year after them. They include the dog, rat, rabbit, snake and horse. Each of the dozen animals, possessing varying characteristics, takes turns representing a lunar calendar year.

"The Universal Donor," by Craig Nova. Houghton Mifflin 250pages. $23.Early in "The Universal Donor," Craig Nova's ninth novel, a woman is bitten by a deadly snake. The victim, a snake specialist, has been bitten many times before. This bite is different."The taipan was a brownish snake with neat rows of scales. Near the head and along its side, it had some markings that were the color of nicotine. Its head was pointed and sleek, and the snake seemed to have an expression of intense, yet unfriendly curiosity."