Questions Or Comments

Q. I have two sons: an 18-year-old and a 3-year-old. When my oldest was a baby, I let family and friends guide me and I took away his bottle and pacifier and literally forced him into potty training. I see that as a mistake. Now my 3-year-old enjoys sitting in my lap each night, reading books and drinking a bottle of milk. My pediatrician feels this is ridiculous, as does my baby-sitter. Now my husband is asking when he is giving up the bottle. I would like to know what harm I am doing in letting my son keep his bottle.

Q. My husband and I read your column on spanking. While we don't feel comfortable with the idea of spanking, we feel we need alternatives to timeouts, which is our current form of discipline. We have two sons: Fletcher, 3:, and Nicky, 2. Fletcher is very bright but is language-delayed and is in a program for language delay that seems to be helping him. Our principle method of discipline is timeouts in conjunction with frequent praise for desirable behavior. The timeouts do not seem to be working for Fletcher.

Q. You recently printed a letter from a widow who was concerned about her daughters' means of coping with their father's death. Since they were so young when he died, they have few memories of him.Why doesn't the mother ask friends, neighbors and family members to write letters telling stories about the things they did with him and describing the kind of man he was? These letters could be put into a scrapbook for the girls, along with pictures and other mementos.A. What a wonderful suggestion!

Q :I've been married a year and a half and have a 5-month-old son and a 6-year-old stepson who lives with us. (His mother does not want custody.)The problem is that my stepson is a wise guy with a smart mouth. Sometimes I think I just can't take it. He has always been this way, but I got married thinking he would change. He hasn't - even though my husband helps reprimand him.I'm trying to treat the children the same and to treat him like a real son, but it's so hard.A: Don't try so hard. First of all, you aren't and probably never will be able to treat your two children the same.

Q.I am the mother of three girls, ages 5, 4 and 2. The older two tend to be very shy and timid. They do fine in groups of two to four other children but get overwhelmed in larger groups.They both attend preschool, and their teachers say they do not answer in groups. They're extremely shy around adults and do not even talk to those they know well, including grandparents.When an adult speaks to them, they just look down and try to hide behind me.I have read that shyness relates to self-esteem and that children can overcome it. What are your thoughts?

Wall treatments invariably stamp a house with their era. Think about the bright (even garish) mixed-pattern papers used in Victorian design, or the bold geometric papers used in the '30s, '40s and '50s. Or the ubiquitous off-white paint that dominated ,, the '60s and '70s. Knotty pine paneling was popular in the '50s and '60s, especially for dens and club basements. The look can be quaint or dated, but most people who buy an old house long to update the surfaces.That's the goal of a reader who said in an e-mail message, "I have some knotty pine paneling I'd like to paint, rather than replace with drywall.

Q: Since you are so obviously opposed to white belts, what do you suggest that I wear with white pants or a light tan suit?A: While it is true that a white belt might seem the logical choice with white trousers and suits, this all-white image looks like a uniform and evokes memories of the Good Humor Man. Most white belts accompany leisure suits, bell-bottom trousers, or the plaid-shirt-over-plaid-pants horrors one sees from time to time.It is interesting which solid-color rules seem to disturb people.

.TC A new Saturday section debuts today combining the hom and entertainment features that previously appeared in both the Saturday and At Home sections. The new section has been redesigned to help you plan weekend activities, at home and on the town: tips on movies, video and dining and home improvement and gardening advice. Among the At Home features joining the section are Saturday's Hero by Rob Kasper, Home Work, Cut Your Utility Bills and the Home Checklist. The section contains a streamlined combination of the best comics from both The Sun and The Evening Sun.We hope you enjoy our new look.

Q. My grandson is 2 1/2 years old and extremely bright, but he cannot get to sleep by himself. He sleeps in a futon bed and needs his mother's presence in his bed to fall asleep at night. He seems to have fixated on this security instead of the usual stuffed animal or blanket. At nap time, his mother has been driving him around until he falls asleep.My daughter needs to know how to turn this around. Would getting him a youth bed -- big enough only for him -- work? The problem is compounded now because of the arrival of a little brother.

Q. What do you think about high schoolers graduating in three years instead of four? This is what my son wants to do. I don't think he is ready to be involved in the college scene, but he might be able to handle a community college. That way he could get some of his basic courses out of the way and work part-time before going on to a regular college setting. A. At his age, I would let your son participate in the decision. You can certainly lay out the alternatives -- and the courses of action needed for each one -- but he'd better be invested in the plan or he'll lose incentive.