M A S H

"Casablanca" as a TV series?Been done already -- with David Soul ("Starsky and Hutch") filling in for Humphrey Bogart.That horrific little piece of TV trivia is one of many that TCM viewers will be reminded of this week, as the folks at Turner pay tribute to movies that were later turned into television series.But don't fret. No one's asking you to sit through TV's version of Rick's Cafe (either the 1983 version, with Soul, or the 1955 version, starring Charles McGraw).No, that would be cruel.

An estimated 42 million viewers tuned in to see Ellen Morgan come out, making Wednesday's episode of ABC's "Ellen" one of the highest-rated shows of the season.The audience, which was three times as large as normal for the sitcom starring Ellen DeGeneres, will probably make "Ellen" the most-watched show of the week.In comparison, "ER" was No. 1 last week with an audience of about 37 million viewers. January's Super Bowl XXXI was seen by just under 129 million American viewers. And the last episode of "M*A*S*H" -- broadcast in 1983, when there were fewer people and fewer televisions -- had an audience of more than 50 million.

It's a good night to check in on some of the Monday shows you may not have seen in a while, to see if they've improved. "Ink," for example, has a somewhat ambitious episode about parental reaction to their kids' encounter with dope in the '90s, while "Melrose Place" tries to correct last year's off-the-wall course by introducing at least one seriously dramatic plot line."

Steve Garvey injures his thumb on July 29, ending his consecutive-games streak at a National League- record 1,207.* George Brett has a home run taken away for having pine tar on his bat more than 18 inches from the knob on July 24 against the New York Yankees.* LaMarr Hoyt goes 13-0 the second half to win the American League Cy Young Award.* Gaylord Perry, Carl Yastrzemski and Johnny Bench all retire.* The Brooklyn Bridge turns 100.* Chicago and Philadelphia elect African-American mayors.

Loretta Swit owes her two Emmy Awards to Maj. Margaret Houlihan, the feisty head nurse role she played for 11 years on television's highly acclaimed series, "M*A*S*H." It is the part that brought her into America's living rooms and afforded her a measure of celebrity. People often associate her with "Hot Lips," which drives her a little batty.Ask her how she feels about getting stuck in the public's consciousness as a member of the "M*A*S*H" ensemble and the actress' tone turns decidedly icy. "How can I answer that question?

A huge audience tuned in to see the final episode of "Cheers" Thursday night. But it wasn't nearly enough to challenge the 1983 finale of "M*A*S*H" as the most-watched TV show ever.A.C. Nielsen measured the audience for the 90-minute-plus "Cheers" episode at a 45.5 rating and 64 share. By comparison, the final "M*A*S*H" episode had a 60.2 rating and 77 share. (A ratings point currently represents 931,000 TV households; shares are the percentage of sets in use.)After seeing the ratings, NBC announced yesterday it will rerun the final episode tomorrow night at 7 (locally on WMAR-Channel 2)

'City of Angels'When: Tuesdays through Sundays at 8 p.m.;matinees Saturdays at 2 p.m.5) and Sundays at 3 p.m. Through July 5.Where: National Theatre, 1321 Pennsylvania Ave.,! N.W., Washington.Tickets: $30-$50.Call: (202) 628-6161.*** 1/2It was a day like any other day for a gumshoe critic. That's how it is, off season, off Broadway, off Baltimore. I poured a cup of java and contemplated my next case. It looked grim. Of all the ideas in all the theaters in all the world, this one hadIt was a day like any other day for a gumshoe critic.

It was a day like any other day for a gumshoe critic. That's how it is, off season, off Broadway, off Baltimore. I poured a cup of java and contemplated my next case. It looked grim. Of all the ideas in all the theaters in all the world, this one had to walk into Washington's National Theatre. A murder-mystery musical -- the same deadly combination that did in the late lamented "Nick and Nora."But enough ersatz Raymond Chandler. It's a losing battle trying to be cleverer, funnier or slicker than the Tony Award-winning "City of Angels."

Actor David Ogden Stiers has cherished the thought of harnessing the "log-burning, pile-driving passion" of Beethovenever since he heard George Szell conduct the Seventh #i Symphony on the basketball court of the University of Oregon. It was the 1950s, a time when teen-agers still followed groups like the Cleveland Orchestra."I thought my hair -- which I could grow then -- would never lie back down," the 49-year-old actor said recently during a phone interview from his coastal home in Oregon.

Question: What does Shelley Long have to do with "M*A*S*H"?Answer: She was a guest performer in one of the 251 episodes of the hit series that ran from 1972 to '83.Conclusion: Long would be the perfect person to host "Memories of M*A*S*H," a 90-minute retrospective airing at 9:30 tonight on WBAL-TV (Channel 11).If this line of thinking makes sense to you, then you are ready to program a television network. If it doesn't, you are going to have lots of company tonight wondering why Shelley Long gets so much air time.