January 21, 1994
By the score they came, the bruised and the lame.Casualties of the weather, they nursed broken wrists, ribs and hips, sore tailbones, stretched muscles, separated shoulders, cracked heads, even two cases of frostbite."
April 1, 1991
The best thing that can be said of "Career Opportunities" is that it's not very long.Brevity is its only mercy. A slap-- mixture of "Home Alone" and "The Breakfast Club" set in a strip-mall department store as written by John Hughes in what appears to be less than a weekend, the movie proves only that if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, imitating yourself -- as Hughes does here -- represents genuine desperation.The movie is wretchedly desperate. When it's not full of self-pity, it's full of nonsense.
March 25, 1994
M R "Ducks"?M ain't "Ducks."M R bucks, which is the only thing that "D2: The Mighty Ducks" is all about.Is there a zone beyond shameless? Is there some distant county on the far side of squalor? Is there an answer to the eternal question "How low will you go?"The answers to these riddles are, Yes, Yes and Very Low, and all are contained in this pathetic sequel, a film that panders so grimly to its audience that it gives sniveling a bad name. It leaves no flag unwaved, no ethnic or demographic group unslobbered over, no cliche unmolested.
December 31, 1996
Let's start with the good news: Under the current laws of physics, there is no possible way that 1996 can be repeated. This is important, because it means we won't have to go through the Madonna pregnancy again. Nor will we ever again have to watch wealthy twits desperately bid insane amounts of money for Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' old stuff.But above all, we will not have to repeat the 1996 presidential race, which was so lame that it could have been promoted by Don King.Going into the year, you'd have thought it would be a close contest.
January 22, 2004
WASHINGTON - Agriculture Secretary Ann M. Veneman told a House committee yesterday that the government has responded effectively to an outbreak of mad cow disease and is working hard to persuade trading partners to reopen markets to U.S. beef. "U.S. beef is safe for consumers in the United States and around the world, and we are urging our trading partners to base their decisions on science," Veneman told the House Agriculture Committee. At the same time, congressional critics prepared legislation that would prohibit lame or injured cattle from being slaughtered for human consumption.
October 2, 2003
Nine million cows keep American dairy aisles stocked, but all their laboring back and forth to the milking parlor is getting them down. One in five now has leg or foot pain - a condition called lameness that costs the agricultural industry more than a half-billion dollars annually and can leave the animals unable to produce much milk or even stand. To keep the udders, and the dairymen, in business, a team of inventors led by a University of Maryland, Baltimore County engineer has built a device that weeds out cows for early treatment.