Kathy Bates

Questions, questions. What would Oliver North be like as president? And what are former first couple George and Barbara Bush up to these days? The answers await.* "Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye" (8:30 p.m.-9 p.m., WJZ, Channel 13) -- Promotional spots for this special made it look like a new "Indy" movie, right? Alas, no such luck. The show merely capitalizes on "Raiders of the Lost Ark" stars Karen Allen and John Rhys-Davies to advertise a new thrill ride at Disneyland.

The Ravens agreed to a five-year deal with their first-round selection, offensive tackle Michael Oher, late Wednesday night, joining the Pittsburgh Steelers and the New York Jets as the only NFL organizations to come to terms with their entire rookie draft classes. Terms of the contract were not released, but Oher, the 23rd overall pick in April's draft, is expected to fly in from Memphis, Tenn., today and travel to the team hotel in Westminster. He is expected to sign the deal, take a physical and join the club on its administrative day. If there is no obstacle, Oher could suit up and practice Friday, when the franchise has its first full-team practice.

LOS ANGELES -- A series of newly completed films starring some of Hollywood's most prestigious artists has been placed in virtual cold storage because Orion Pictures, which made them, is facing severe financial difficulties.Film executives close to Orion, a small studio with a record of critically acclaimed movies, said that the decision to keep the movies on the shelf was especially painful because several of them, and their stars, are believed to have Academy Award potential. If the movies are not released in the next two months, they will be ineligible for Oscar nominations.

ON THE HEELS of -- yawn -- Oscar night, which was about as exciting as kissing your brother, comes the "Go Hollywood Gala" to benefit the Cloisters Children's Museum on April 20. Guests are invited to come dressed as their favorite movie star or in black tie, with the best costumes winning a special Oscar. The gala is co-chaired by Laurie Stieff Kelly and Paula Davis Noell and tickets are $100 per person. Call 823-2551. We're going as "Misery" star Kathy Bates. Anybody have a sledgehammer we can borrow?

I confess to feeling only slightly more rational than "Misery's" Kathy Bates. I want to strap Ellen Goodman into a chair and make her keep writing columns. Ms. Goodman, whose prose has graced newspaper pages for more than four decades, allegedly wrote her last column last week. I use "allegedly" in the hope that she was kidding. No one who has labored under the cudgel of relentless deadlines begrudges Ms. Goodman her hard-earned respite. Retirement seems too old a word for one so young in spirit.

About Schmidt starts out as a barbed, poignant little movie and turns into an excruciating slow-motion car wreck. It's the story of a retired Omaha insurance executive who faces widowhood, the marriage of his daughter Jeannie (Hope Davis) and the creeping realization that he's led an empty life. Jack Nicholson's crafty performance as Warren Schmidt provides a smidgen of suspense: Will the star's famous (notorious?) energy explode, or will he stay submerged in his role? But when Schmidt takes the wheel of his brand-new trailer and travels to Denver for his daughter's wedding, the movie all too obviously puts Jack in a box - even if the box is Winnebago-size.

Kevin Costner furrows his brow a lot in Dragonfly. His lower lip quivers tremulously. He sobs; he looks shaky; he's grief-stricken within an inch of his life. In short, he emotes. If 105 minutes of this is your idea of a good time, then be sure to catch Dragonfly. But if you're bothered by shameless emotional pandering, burdensome pacing or strained dialogue, then see what else is playing at the multiplex. And while you're at it, say a silent prayer that Costner realizes plucking away at the audience's heartstrings just isn't his forte.

"A Home of Our Own" is an Up With People! concert without the Muzak. Or the People. But it's got plenty of Up!It's one of those spirit-of-the-little-guy numbers that makes poverty look like some Disney theme park land, exotic and colorful but not really dangerous. It's not Pirates of the Caribbean but Indigents of Idaho. The only things missing are the squalor, despair, malnutrition, self-loathing, self-destructiveness, depression and violence. It's poverty with the boring parts cut out.Constructed as a memoir set in the early '60s by an oldest son Shayne (Edward Furlong)

LOS ANGELES - Television dramas The West Wing and The Sopranos led the Screen Actors Guild Award nominations announced yesterday morning by actors Michael Clarke Duncan and Megan Mullally while Chicago garnered the most (five) for a movie. Despite their black attire, Duncan and Mullally kept upbeat as they sailed through the announcement - barely taking time to pause when Mullally's name came up as one of the contenders for best female actor in a comedy series. Shortly after the announcement, the actress revealed that she was surprised.

Cheri is a voluptuous movie about two voluptuaries who fall in love. Michelle Pfeiffer's performance as Colette's 49-year-old courtesan, Lea de Lonval, provides a rare sensual depiction of maturity and aging. When she lifts up her arms and admires "beautiful handles for an old vase," you agree about the handles, and the vase doesn't look so shabby, either. But Pfeiffer's hypnotic performance goes beyond her own eerie allure. She evokes an intense response because, as an actor, she conveys an exquisite sensibility.