Kathleen Turner

Kathleen Turner will star in John Waters' new film "Serial Mom," which will begin shooting here April 12.Waters, with a mordant giggle, describes the film as "A true-crime parody about a sweet, lovable, serial killer who could be your own mother." Turner has the title role and her daughter will be played by Waters' regular Rikki Lake, though other cast members have not yet been set.Turner, a powerhouse blond who leapt to instant fame with "Body Heat," has forged a mainstream career with such films as "The War of the Roses" and "Romancing the Stone."

You could forgive Harford County Councilwoman Theresa M. Pierno for still being a bit star-struck after the inauguration.After all, she went to President Clinton's inauguration with no tickets and her 16-year-old daughter in tow -- then found herself seated just left of the podium with Jack Nicholson, Kathleen Turner and Turner's husband, among other luminaries."

She's a cruel mistress. Selfish and utterly without conscience, she does what she wants, and no amount of money or love can dissuade her from her hungers. Even if she loves you, it's no good unless she loves you all the way. Men die for her approval,and so do women, but whether or not she gives it is entirely up to her.Of course I speak not, ladies and gentleman, of the phenomenon or the person known as Madonna. No indeed, I speak rather of the cruel and capricious mistress known as the motion picture camera, and no amount of publicity or number of gold records or magazine covers can buy her off. She sees what she sees, and it's always the truth.

When you get right down to it, the Academy Awards show, from a fashion-watch point of view, was a bore.Cher left her feathered and sequined G-string at home. Kim Basinger didn't wear a one-shouldered cupcake wonder, Demi Moore wore a stunning lace gown instead of bicycle shorts and Barbra Streisand's derriere stayed under cover.Still, there was hope when Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon took the stage as presenters. The duo should have traded shoes. Ms. Davis looked like a cancan-dancing Amazon in a frothy white confection.

GUILTY BY SUSPICIONWarner Home Video$92.99Producer Irwin Winkler here turns to what is obviously a story near and dear to his heart -- the Hollywood Communist witch hunts in the '40s and '50s. His passions, though, don't guarantee a winner, and "Guilty By Suspicion" ends up being an earnest, by-the-numbers telling of a fairly familiar story.Fortunately, this hero is played by Robert De Niro, so strong acting is assured. He plays David Merrill, a director in Hollywood during the years that the House Un-American Activities Committee engaged in their digging to find "Communists" and their ilk.Called to testify, Merrill faces the ultimate nightmarish dilemma: If he names his friends who are left-leaning, the committee will go easy on him. Merrill struggles throughout the film to find the courage to do the right thing, while the film struggles to keep us interested.

The camera in "V. I. Warshawski" is obsessed with Kathleen Turner's legs, right from the opening credits when it's poking up her skirt. And those legs -- which are not what they used to be -- are still the best thing about this miserable movie.This is sad because it was a much-anticipated film. V. I. -- the initials stand for Victoria Iphigenia -- Warshawski is the heroine of Sara Paretsky's crime novels, which run an intriguing feminist turn on hard-boiled detective fiction, while remaining true to the spirit of the genre.

WHAT THIS HOT summer movie season needs and now has is a good, old-fashioned private eye film starring Kathleen Turner as the detective.The movie is ''V.I. Warshawski,'' which is based on the mystery novels written by Sara Paretsky.In the film, Turner is Warshawski, a private eye who talks tough and when she needs to, dirty. She's a stunner in many ways. She is a physical stunner when it comes to dealing with her enemies, and she is a visual stunner when she is just moving about.She may be adept in the martial arts department, but she also likes to dress.

Give the Lifetime cable network a "hmmmm," an "ugh!" and a "ho-hum" for its first night out as an original series, prime-time network.The basic cable service that is styled with the female audience uppermost in mind is launching its first trio of original shows, beginning at 9 tonight: "Confessions of Crime," "The Hidden Room" (at 9:30) and "Veronica Clare" (at 10).It may be hard for a manly reviewer to know these things, but only the last of the three seems much worth anybody's effort, male or female.