Jay Leno

It's 5: 15 p.m. on a Tuesday at the Coyle residence in Columbia, and Dad has just driven up to the family's home on an ordinary cul-de-sac on Mellow Wine Way.Already, the salad has been served. The grandparents, in from rural Pennsylvania for a visit, shuttle the children to the dining room table, as the dog, Jake, looks for handouts before retreating to the kitchen.It's the perfect picture of quiet suburban life in James W. Rouse's 31-year-old planned community.Except, that is, for the sound of the cars and trucks -- including 18-wheelers -- barreling past the Coyles' back yard on Route 32. During the morning and afternoon rush hours, when the windows and back door are open, traffic makes it hard to hear the doorbell or the family room TV.In upscale River Hill, Columbia's newest village, residents have complained for years about the constant rumble of traffic from the four-lane highway that splits their community.

It's milestone Monday, as a pair of TV mainstays celebrate anniversaries today."Melrose Place" (8 p.m.-10 p.m., WBFF, Channel 45) -- The women of Melrose Place celebrate the show's 150th episode by toying with the men, as a pregnant Alison has some wedding-day surprises for Jake, Amanda bilks Craig, a dying Kimberly isn't too sick to trap Michael in a web of pity, and Sidney charms Carter out of his billionaire software empire. Tough breaks. Fox."Mr. Rhodes" (8: 30 p.m.-9 p.m., WBAL, Channel 11)

Congratulations, you've survived another sweeps month. We now return you to our regular programming."Picasso Electronic Fieldtrip" (9 a.m.-10 a.m., MPT, Channels 22 and 67) -- Maryland and Washington students get to visit the National Gallery's "Picasso: The Early Years, 1892-1906" exhibit without ever leaving their classrooms, as interactive technology (e-mail, phone and fax) will enable them not only to see the artist's works, but also question museum officials, conservators, educators and art historians.

Howard Stern's movie, "Private Parts," opens in theaters today, not that you'd know it from watching TV tonight."Dave's World" (8 p.m.-8: 30 p.m. and 8: 30 p.m.-9 p.m., WJZ, Channel 13) -- Harry Anderson is so much better than this series lets him be; I almost wish he'd stick to specials, talk-show appearances and guest shots. Here are two shows that prove my point, both repeats from October. First, Dave gets himself in front of a judge who hates celebrities. Then he takes a Cuban refugee into his home and teaches him about being an American.

LOS ANGELES -- So, the people of Chicago, or at least the ''viewers'' in Chicago, are to be deprived of the collected wisdom of Jerry Springer. He quit as a commentator on WMAQ television just because some uppity journalist did not want to get too close to a man who makes his living by exposing the dreams and alibis of Dumpster America.The story so far: Mr. Springer was a television anchorman in Cincinnati, and with that exposure was elected mayor of the city. He then chucked politics to become a talk-show host, fishing in the shallow end of the gene pool.

It's not "Cheers," but tonight, "Pearl" may be the next best thing."Wings" (8 p.m.-8: 30 p.m., WBAL, Channel 11) -- Helen gets herself a pair of tickets to a hot Broadway play. Joe can't make it, but no problem: She asks Brian instead. But then the pair end up stranded in New York with no money and no way to get home. Problem. NBC."Chicago Sons" (8: 30 p.m.-9 p.m., WBAL, Channel 11) -- The Kolchak brothers set their eyes on a trio of women: oldest bro Mike longs to be with his estranged wife, while Harry continues to lust for the ever-unattainable Lindsay (is she really?

If it's after 8 p.m., turn to Nickelodeon. Now."Melrose Place" (8 p.m.-9 p.m., WBFF, Channel 45) -- Loni Anderson leaves. Somebody dies. Fox."Star Trek: Voyager" (8 p.m.-9 p.m., WNUV, Channel 54) -- Michael McKean is an extraterrestrial clown who's anything but a barrel of yucks. UPN."Chicago Hope" (10 p.m.-11 p.m., WJZ, Channel 13) -- Mandy Patinkin's Dr. Geiger sweeps back into town, dressed as a clown. Does he know Michael McKean's alien? CBS."The Beast" (9 p.m.-11 p.m., WBAL, Channel 11)

It's time for the Democratic yawn fest, coming at you this year from Chicago, site of so many pleasant Democratic memories. (Let's hope things go better in 1996 than they did in 1968). Network coverage begins at 10 p.m. For those not interested in watching a foregone conclusion:"Gail Sheehy's New Passages" (8 p.m.-10 p.m., WMAR, Channel 2) -- Author Sheehy takes viewers on a tour of the aging process, noting that the old demographics, which had life pretty much ending at 65, are obsolete.

Is the worst movie ever made on Showtime tonight? It's certainly a contender."Seinfeld" (7: 30 p.m.-8 p.m., WBFF, Channel 45) -- In maybe the best "Seinfeld" ever, Jerry has to convince a college newspaper reporter that he and George are not gay. Not, as Jerry would hasten to add, that there's anything wrong with that. Fox."Hangin' With Mr. Cooper" (9: 30 p.m.-10 p.m., WMAR, Channel 2) -- Seems Mark (Mark Curry) has this mug with a picture of him and Julius Erving. Seems he's real fond of it. Seems it gets broken.

Jay Leno's 'Chin' may be falling flat on its faceJay Leno's much-hyped book may be "Leading With My Chin," but it's nowhere near leading the best-seller list.In its first few weeks in stores, Leno's memoir of his childhood and nomadic years as a stand-up comic hasn't lived up to the hopes of publisher HarperCollins, which gave the comic a reported $4.1 million advance. "Chin" was ranked 21st among all hardcovers sold in the Waldenbooks chain the week of Oct. 19, and the 16th-biggest non-fiction hardcover in the Barnes & Noble chain.

We are only two weeks into the new fall season, but already it looks as if we have an answer to the question of the TV year: How will Jay Leno do in prime time for NBC? The answer: Pretty well, when he is up against reruns or other weak competition, but not very well at all when he is faced with top-notch, first-run programs of the sort CBS is now throwing up against the lantern-jawed comedian on an almost nightly basis. And while NBC can probably live with being a low-cost alternative to the other networks on most nights, affiliates like Baltimore's WBAL (Channel 11)

Arrest warrant issued in Mass. for Bobby Brown An arrest warrant has been issued for Bobby Brown after he failed to appear in a Massachusetts court on a contempt complaint. Norfolk Judge Christina Harms ordered Brown arrested the next time the singer is in Massachusetts. He failed to appear at a June 29 hearing. The Boston Herald reports that Brown has fallen $45,000 behind in child support payments for the two teenage children he had with former girlfriend Kim Ward. A phone message was left for Brown's lawyer in Atlanta.

As President Barack Obama extends his buy-my-economic-plans-please tour through 60 Minut es tonight and into Tuesday with a prime-time news conference, the question that begs to be asked is whether the president is spending enough time actually governing - as opposed to talking about governing on TV. There is a difference. And as much as I - a TV critic and political blogger - welcome Obama's commitment to use of the tube, I worry as a citizen that he's not doing the nitty-gritty, late-night, closed-door, on-the-phone politicking that it takes to really govern this troubled land.

One and two half men in Sheen household Two and a Half Men star Charlie Sheen and his wife, Brooke Mueller Sheen, are the parents of twin boys. Publicist Stan Rosenfield says the babies, Bob and Max, were born Saturday night in Los Angeles. Rosenfield says Mueller Sheen is "doing great" and the father is "ecstatic." Obama to visit Leno The White House says President Barack Obama will appear this week on Jay Leno's talk show. Obama will visit The Tonight Show With Jay Leno during his trip to Los Angeles on Thursday.

For some folks, the real Super Bowl wasn't played last Sunday; it's next week. Those folks would be those of us who own or love or share living quarters with four-footed athletes who don't necessarily throw passes or score touchdowns. These athletes just strut their bone structure and gorgeous faces down the green carpet at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Though some people might laugh at Westminster devotees, the winners here are remembered for generations and become the stuff of legend.

Idon't often write about second showings of made-for-TV movies, but Lifetime is airing Prayers for Bobby, which premiered Saturday, again tonight, and it is worth going out of your way to see. From a sure-to-win-an-Emmy performance by Sigourney Weaver, to a screenplay that explores gay identity as sensitively as it has been done on cable TV, this docudrama deserves a network-size audience. The Bobby is Bobby Griffith, who attended high school in California in the 1970s. The film is set in 1979 as he comes to terms with being gay. Ryan Kelley is not a great actor, but he shares most scenes with Weaver, and she elevates everyone's game.

Less than two months ago, a National Geographic Channel documentary took a look at the get-rich business of growing marijuana. Now CNBC is similarly reporting on how American agribusiness is going to pot. In Marijuana Inc.: Inside America's Pot Industry, anchor Trish Regan explores the inner workings of an industry that lights up the economy by an estimated tens of billions of dollars nationwide. Traveling to northern California's Emerald Triangle, Regan gathers personal stories of growers, many of them otherwise law-abiding citizens who include a journalist, a political activist and even a former member of law enforcement all cashing in on this profitable crop.

Love it or hate it, the biggest show on the planet - American Idol - is back and rarin' to go with a new judge (meet Kara DioGuardi) and some new twists (the semifinal round will consist of 36 singers, not 24). The changes come after Idol showed signs of waning popularity in Season 7. Still, the musical juggernaut is once again expected to crush everything in its path. And, as usual, it kicks off with the audition rounds, which too often prove to be an assault on both the ears and eyes.

Fifteen years ago, I had a stupid idea. I was the co-executive producer on TV's long-running comedy Cheers. NBC, the network on which Cheers appeared, was faltering: Ratings were sliding, money was tight, management was nervous and Johnny Carson, legendary host of the Tonight Show, was retiring, and no one knew how his replacement, Jay Leno, would do. I was 28 then, and like all 28-year-olds, I had no idea exactly how stupid I was. So when I found myself...

The fourth-place network, NBC, shows its unerring instinct for cheapening the prime-time landscape with Momma's Boys, a new reality series debuting at 10 tonight. The format for this trash-o-rama produced by the great Ryan Seacrest: Three mothers, three sons and 32 single women move into a mansion and act on some of their worst impulses. I say "some" because no one murders anyone - at least not in the pilot. While one of the mothers is a racist, another seems to give new meaning to the word "suffocating."