Hustler Club

Civil servant, in verse As Baltimore residents shoveled out their cars last week, city officials sought to provide a "gentle reminder" not to reserve parking spaces. Rather than the traditional - and boring - news release, Department of Public Works spokesman Kurt L. Kocher crafted a poem. Lawn Chairs and Cones and Trash Cans - Oh My! Remember after every snow To keep your sidewalks clear, Then shovel out your parking place For parking's very dear. But leaving chairs to mark your space That's something else again, You cannot block a public space Because it is your yen. We know you worked real hard on it You shoveled 'til you ached, And lazy folks could move right in And take your car's cleared space.

Fifty thousand Baptists are getting in on it. The city's biggest-ever convention is in town for the week, and anyone else downtown yesterday could feel the impact. The National Baptist Congress of Christian Education transformed Interstate 95 north into a creeping, crawling mess. It has packed downtown hotels and overflowed into suburban lodgings. It's flooded the streets, restaurants and tourist attractions with badge-wearing, photo-taking visitors, adults and kids alike. Imagine Oriole Park at Camden Yards at full capacity - and then imagine all those people milling around for roughly five days.

The best things in life may be free, but don't be so quick to discount what money can buy. Before anyone starts howling, consider this an appreciation for all the things that we, as consummate consumers, have bought over the years that tickled us in some way. Good salespeople know we don't just spend out of need, but that we also spend purely to fulfill some emotion. More often than not and right or wrong, we spend to feel good. Whether it's derived from something big or small, ridiculously expensive or gratifyingly cheap matters not. It's only pertinent that the object brought a smile to our face, triggered some sort of fuzzy feel-good memory or made life easier somehow.

With a few button taps on his cellular flip phone and a vague, catchy message, bartender Sean O'Donnell can almost guarantee that he can double his business on a given night. O'Donnell has been using text messages for the past year to attract patrons to his bar in Mount Vernon, Grand Central Station. "I try to make them witty or funny," O'Donnell said. "That way if they can't come, they can still get a laugh out of it." Bartenders are using text messages to attract their regulars and tell them where they are working that night.

Invest in roads and mass transit to cut gridlock Sun reporter Stephen Kiehl's article "Time traveling: Md. ranks No. 2" (Feb. 26) told us what we already knew: Maryland drivers waste far too much time stuck in traffic. Only New Yorkers have a longer commute to work than Maryland motorists, according to U.S. Census Bureau data. State officials blame longer commutes on jobs shifting away from downtown Baltimore. But what about people who commute to and through the city? They're stuck too. The bottom line is that gridlock is a condition created by bad planning and projects that were never built.

Hooray! April 1. We can finally believe that spring is really here. Feel like celebrating? Well, the spring party rush is about to begin, and chances are your favorite nonprofit is throwing some sort of fund-raiser. Whatever your description of fun is, you probably can find it at one party, at least, over the next three months. Consider these categories and examples: In the cultural black-tie arena, one springtime tradition continues at the Walters Art Museum, as its Women's Committee presents its 15th Annual Art Blooms April 16-18.

Round-the-clock work to repair a broken downtown water main was expected to snarl the morning commute for a second day Wednesday, the latest in a series of disruptions caused by the deterioration of the city's aging infrastructure. Lombard and Gay streets, where a rupture in the 20-inch main early Tuesday flooded downtown, were to remain closed until the completion of repairs. Work was delayed yesterday while crews pumped out water, shut down gas lines and rerouted electricity. "Barring a miracle, this is going to last at least into [Wednesday]

Busting unions, destroying Main Streets. That's the stuff Walmart usually gets accused of doing. But director John Waters warns that the world's largest retailer could be up to something even more sinister: killing a latent hipster vibe. "Walmart will kill Remington from ever being a hipster neighborhood," Waters told The Baltimore Sun's Michael Sragow in the course of an interview on Waters' new book, "Role Models." "I hate Walmart," Waters said. "I know it gives people jobs, which is a good thing, but I don't think it treats its employees well, and it's one of the biggest censors of R-rated or NC-17 movies, or cutting-edge CDs, in the world."