Howard Stern

Not sure how you feel about the ubiquitous Howard Stern? Take a look at E! tonight; you'll not go away unaffected."The Nanny" (8 p.m.-8: 30 p.m., WJZ, Channel 13) -- Could the Woman With the Most Irritating Voice In the World have had an African-American mother? That's what guest star Telma Hopkins tries to tell Fran. CBS."Battle of the Sexes on Ice" (8 p.m.-10 p.m., WBFF, Channel 45) -- The never-ending parade of ice-skating on TV continues, this time pitting the guys (Scott Hamilton, Brian Boitano, Paul Wylie and Kurt Browning)

Did you know that Howard Stern has an autobiographical movie, "Private Parts," that opened Friday?That's a rhetorical question, because Howard Fever has struck every American media outlet possible, and you'd have to be living in the outskirts of oblivion not to have sighted his towering head of heavy-metal hair at least once during this past week.You've probably participated in at least one lively conversation about how much you a) love Howard or b) hate Howard, and words like "racist" and "strippers" and "Kathie Lee Gifford" may well have figured into that interaction, which may well have been heated.

First question: Is this Howard's end? First answer: No way. He's very funny in his own "Private Parts." He proves, indisputably, that he is among the 96 percent of the human race than can play itself in a movie.Second question: Are there too many lesbian jokes?Second answer: There's no such thing as "too many lesbian jokes."Third question: Is the Stern gang all there?Third answer: Hail, hail, the gang's all there. Robin Quivers and Fred Norris get major screen time and Robin, who has actual talent, is really very good.

Howard Stern's movie, "Private Parts," opens in theaters today, not that you'd know it from watching TV tonight."Dave's World" (8 p.m.-8: 30 p.m. and 8: 30 p.m.-9 p.m., WJZ, Channel 13) -- Harry Anderson is so much better than this series lets him be; I almost wish he'd stick to specials, talk-show appearances and guest shots. Here are two shows that prove my point, both repeats from October. First, Dave gets himself in front of a judge who hates celebrities. Then he takes a Cuban refugee into his home and teaches him about being an American.

Lost Highway'Soundtrack (Nothing/Interscope 90090)Should Trent Reznor ever weary of the rigors of rock and roll, he'll have no trouble finding work in Hollywood -- not if he can keep producing soundtracks as visceral and evocative as the one he created for the David Lynch film "Lost Highway." As with the album he assembled for Oliver Stone's "Natural Born Killers," the "Lost Highway" soundtrack is less a compilation of discrete musical moments than a sort of extended mood piece, in which each element plays into the next.

Yesterday's Howard Stern Look-Alike-Contest at Camden Yards begged a few questions:Who wants to look like Howard Stern anyway?Is this Louis XIV-retro look something women find appealing?Do men aspire to his Sun King ... uhhhh ... intriguing looks?To what lengths would a man go to look like this?And, for that matter, when a man wants to look like the world's most overexposed shock jock, does he don a leather jacket and shades -- or mascara and spike heels? Stern did, after all, top 1995's "Worst Dressed Women" list after numerous appearances in drag.

I LIVE in two worlds.One is the newspaper where I work. There, colleagues follow the polls and ''convention bounces,'' debate whether moderates or extremists will seize control of their party and enthusiastically track the horse race of the presidential campaign.The other is the neighborhood where I reside. People raise their children, juggle work and recreation, squeeze in mowing the lawn and tending the flowers -- and didn't give a whit about the goings-on in San Diego or Chicago.Discussions on my street this summer traversed many topics, the tragic and mundane.

Foster care system in urgent needAn Nov. 10 editorial, "A home for every child," urged the foster care system to have a "greater sense of urgency'' in resolving the cases of foster children. Certainly, the social service staff and the volunteers who serve on the review committees have this sense. They want to get every child out of the foster care system as quickly as possible, but certain problems get in their way.There are not enough social workers hired to care for the rising number of cases.

Howard Stern may be the most disgusting human creature outside punitive custody in America. He would have it no other way. Nowhere is that made clearer than in his new book.That volume, "Miss America" (Regan Books/HarperCollins. 482 pages. $27.50), may well outsell all other books in this intense book-buying season.The publishing business is notoriously secretive and/or mendacious about numbers and dollars, but Mr. Stern's previous book, decorously titled "Private Parts," is said by HarperCollins to have sold 1.3 million copies.

The line of people waiting to see Robin Quivers on a sunny Saturday afternoon, almost 1,000 people strong, is one long visual introduction to the demographics of "The Howard Stern Show." Want to know who listens to the world's most famous shock jock? Here they are, mostly young, mostly white, men and women who love the self-appointed King of All Media and, by extension, his queen. They made his radio show No. 1, his book No. 1, and put Quivers' new book on best-seller lists the week it was released.