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Hizzoner

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By Dan Berger | September 23, 1996
Dole is at his best mean and nasty. The late innings are his time in the game.Hizzoner ordered the school boilers checked. If Soup Amprey had done that, no one would have noticed.The Justice Department is investigating Microsoft if it can find anyone on staff who can read software.Cheer up. Bosnia had an election.Pub Date: 9/23/96
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NEWS
By Laura Vozzella and Laura Vozzella,laura.vozzella@baltsun.com | July 24, 2009
William Donald Schaefer's legs were failing him, but his stubbornness was reliable as ever. People were telling the former Baltimore mayor, Maryland governor and comptroller to get physical therapy. He brushed them off with an old story, about how he'd hated being pushed in the gym as a kid at City College. Gym teacher Philip Axman would order the young, height-fearing Schaefer up a rope. "I'd be halfway up and say, 'I've got to get out of here,'" Schaefer, 87, recalled recently. Axman would bark: "Get up there!
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NEWS
By Dan Berger | October 8, 2001
Seems like old times, having Britain back east of Suez. Hizzoner is busy protecting the nation's cities from terrorism. Crime in Baltimore will have to wait its turn. The Diamondback is a fellow's best friend. Whenever Annapolis folks worry how to balance the budget, they look at Coppin State College and save. Finally, folks can tell Barry Bonds from Bobby Bonds.
NEWS
By Dan Berger | December 28, 2001
Hizzoner is right. Baltimore does not need Greyhound bus service. Let them ride Acela. When India and Pakistan make war, al-Qaida wins. Osama bin Laden does not look well, if that is any consolation. You can now fly to Hagerstown and Cumberland, but what with security and all, it may be quicker and less hassle to drive. Beat Florida!
NEWS
By DAN BERGER | September 22, 1993
The gubernatorial race went from too crowded to too sparse.The next Howard County law will ban smoking in your car on I-95 between Baltimore County and the Patuxent.Hizzoner established himself as the 600-pound gorilla of state politics, and then went back to sleep until a senatorial seat comes vacant.
NEWS
By Dan Berger | July 11, 1997
NATO will continue to expand until all sides can agree that it is unrecognizable and serves no function.Mars was once flooded. Those canals that never existed overflowed.The only meaningful way to punish Mike Tyson would be to send him back into the ring with Evander Holyfield immediately.Cheer up. Hizzoner found an extra three mill.Pub Date: 7/11/97
NEWS
By Dan Berger | December 28, 2001
Hizzoner is right. Baltimore does not need Greyhound bus service. Let them ride Acela. When India and Pakistan make war, al-Qaida wins. Osama bin Laden does not look well, if that is any consolation. You can now fly to Hagerstown and Cumberland, but what with security and all, it may be quicker and less hassle to drive. Beat Florida!
NEWS
By Dan Berger | July 16, 1997
They don't call Bawlmer the Ozone Capital of America for nothing.Think of City Hall as the big casino where Hizzoner bet the store on further legalization of gambling.When NASA's astronomers finally made contact with life forms on another planet, it was pet rocks.Poor Joe Camel overdosed on nicotine.Pub Date: 7/16/97
NEWS
By DAN BERGER | June 14, 1993
Hizzoner won't sue the state for more school money after all. What self-respecting candidate for governor would?The Baltimore Orioles will sell for $141.3 million and the Boston Globe for $1.1 billion. A newspaper is worth eight times a baseball club.
NEWS
By Dan Berger | December 20, 1999
Look who got the boot at boot camp.A panel of experts is telling Hizzoner that something about the criminal justice system is not working. Oh.The credibility of "Wall Street Week" may have gone up when a panelist was indicted for kickbacks on trade orders: That's real life on the Street.
NEWS
By Dan Berger | October 8, 2001
Seems like old times, having Britain back east of Suez. Hizzoner is busy protecting the nation's cities from terrorism. Crime in Baltimore will have to wait its turn. The Diamondback is a fellow's best friend. Whenever Annapolis folks worry how to balance the budget, they look at Coppin State College and save. Finally, folks can tell Barry Bonds from Bobby Bonds.
NEWS
By DAN BERGER | June 25, 2001
City Council gave Hizzoner the budget he wanted,and G. W. Bush wonders why he can't have a council like that. NMD will never stop a missile. Its purpose is to shoot down treaties that Secretary Rumsfeld disapproves, and it can do that just fine. Unnamed Iranians are unindicted co-conspirators in the Khobar Towers bombing. That's getting them? Northern Ireland is gripped by nostalgia for the '80s.
NEWS
By Dan Berger | February 12, 2001
Basically, the plan will reduce your taxes by 2 percent and your neighbor's by 10 per cent. Whether Sharon negotiates will depend on what kind of government coalition he forms, unity or narrow. Hizzoner has learned mustn't bark at a black female elected official the way he may at a white, male, appointed one. Life is not fair. "Baywatch" is following "Guilligan's Island" to television heaven, to rerun for eternity.
NEWS
By Dan Berger | February 2, 2001
Someone tell Hizzoner that, under the Md. Constitution, the state's attorney is accountable to the voters of Baltimore City, not to their mere. It is reassuring that the president has faith in the deity but presumptuous to assert that the favor is reciprocated. Greenspan doesn't want to greet the new president with a recession, but make him earn it. Natural gas is invisible and odorless, but the price is something else.
NEWS
By Dan Berger | January 17, 2001
It'll be the first Super Bowl with two underdogs. In theory, neither can win. At last, a first lady-elect who not only reads but actually likes books. Do we really need an attorney general who proposes rewriting the Constitution and champions a symbol for the violent dismemberment of the United States? Hizzoner is so popular he could run for governor! Unless he is averse to being run over.
NEWS
By Dan Berger | September 20, 2000
Bush has no chance, according to the folks who only weeks ago were saying that Gore didn't. Don't knock Hizzoner for going to the Olympics on company time instead of minding the store. Envy him. The Baltimore Zoo is a great place to pick up a member of the opposite sex, if you happen to be a rhinoceros. If Lovely Lane Church fell down, it would no longer be lovely.
NEWS
By DAN BERGER | August 6, 1993
Hizzoner will run for guv on his record of picking people for top positions.Bill can count on the vote of Democratic senators except thos who think they deserve his job, which is most.Some judges think they know better than legislatures wha ought to be law and better than juries what happened in the case.
NEWS
By Dan Berger | February 21, 2000
Q. How do you stop hackers? A. Delete them. If McCain does win the nomination, Democrats will have to go back to their focus groups. Loan sharks are circling Maryland. The bigger one is, the more menacing. Hizzoner doesn't promise a visible homicide reduction before the high homicide season. Sorry. Cheer up. Spring training is under way.
NEWS
By Dan Berger | February 21, 2000
Q. How do you stop hackers? A. Delete them. If McCain does win the nomination, Democrats will have to go back to their focus groups. Loan sharks are circling Maryland. The bigger one is, the more menacing. Hizzoner doesn't promise a visible homicide reduction before the high homicide season. Sorry. Cheer up. Spring training is under way.
NEWS
By Dan Berger | December 20, 1999
Look who got the boot at boot camp.A panel of experts is telling Hizzoner that something about the criminal justice system is not working. Oh.The credibility of "Wall Street Week" may have gone up when a panelist was indicted for kickbacks on trade orders: That's real life on the Street.
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