Hamburger

A month is too long. America's creaky and understaffed food-safety network is notoriously slow to react when food-borne illnesses erupt. The deputy commissioner of the Food and Drug Administration told a recent conference in Washington that the average delay between detection and public notice is three weeks - which he acknowledged is way too slow. But hard on the heels of that conference comes the big recall of Topps hamburger patties because of E. coli contamination. In two separate cases, lawsuits have been filed by people who say they were hospitalized after eating Topps meat because of confirmed cases of E. coli illness - in August.

Comic-Con The lowdown -- This weekend, the Baltimore Comic-Con returns to the Baltimore Convention Center. The two-day event features retailers hawking comics and merchandise, plus speakers and tons of comic fans. Guest speakers and panelists include Sergio Aragones, Frank Cho, Dick Ayers and Jim Lee. If you go -- The Baltimore Comic-Con is 10 a.m.-6 p.m. Saturday and 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Sunday. One-day passes are $15 each, and weekend passes are $25. For tickets, call 410-547-SEAT or go to ticket master.

Beef Shakes reminds me of one of those old-fashioned hamburger shacks that are so hard to find these days: the ones open only in the summer, and usually near beaches and lakes, where everyone walks up to the outdoor counter barefoot to order their lunch. The major differences: It has a more extensive menu and a less bucolic location, on bustling Old Hanover Road. Also, Beef Shakes is open year-round. Poor:]

Maravene Mae Hamburger, a retired Johns Hopkins University research assistant, died of heart disease April 5 at her Lutherville home. She was 92. Born Maravene Mae Deveney in York, Pa., she earned a chemistry degree from Goucher College in 1934. When she found no jobs available during the Depression, she enrolled at the Hopkins School of Nursing and received her degree in 1937. She became a visiting nurse and later returned to Hopkins and worked with newborn babies. She became a Hopkins chemistry department research assistant and later worked at McCormick & Co, and Becton, Dickinson labs.

Albert Thompson Marlowe, former president and CEO of Hamburger's Clothiers, a longtime downtown clothing retailer that eventually was absorbed by Philips-Van Heusen, died Thursday after a steady decline from dementia. He was 84. Born in Montgomery County, the son of a Rockville sheriff, Mr. Marlowe had what his daughter described as a difficult childhood growing up on Fulton Avenue in West Baltimore with his mother after his parents divorced. In 1944, Mr. Marlowe enlisted in the Army and served in Europe, where he was awarded three Battle Stars, the Combat Infantry Badge and two Purple Hearts.

On Wednesday, August 17, 2005, JOSEPH HAMBURGER; loving husband of Hermien Hamburger (nee Gomperts); beloved father of Coos Hamburger of Reisterstown, MD; devoted father-in-law of Sharon Goldsmith-Hamburger; loving grandfather of David and Yael Hamburger. Services at Sol Levinson and Bros., Inc., 8900 Reisterstown Road at Mt. Wilson Lane, on Friday, August 19 at 10 A.M. Interment at Beth Tfiloh Congregation - Windsor Mill Road. Please omit flowers, contributions in his memory may be directed to the American Heart Association, 415 N. Charles Street (21201)

I don't usually review hamburger chains. In fact, in 30-some years of reviewing restaurants I don't think I've ever reviewed a hamburger chain. But Five Guys intrigued me. First of all, the almost local, Alexandria, Va.-based chain has gotten lots of positive press; and it's made a major move into Maryland, with eight places open and many more coming -- all in the past three years. Two particularly high profile locations were planned: the Inner Harbor and the spot on North Charles Street where Nouveau, the home furnishings store, used to be. (It turns out that the Nouveau location isn't going to happen, but the Harborplace Five Guys is up and running.

On November 11, 2004, ROBERT I. H. HAMMERMAN; devoted son of the late Herman and Belle G. (nee Greenblatt) Hammerman; beloved brother of Caroline E. Goldsmith; beloved uncle of Heidi Goldsmith, Joy Goldsmith, Sharon (Goldsmith) Hamburger and Fred Goldsmith; beloved great-uncle of David Hamburger, Yael Hamburger and Daniel Goldsmith. Services and interment at Arlington Cemetery-Chizuk Amuno-Congregation, 4300 N. Rogers Avenue, on Sunday, November 14 at 10 A.M. In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made in his memory to The Lancers Walk for the Homeless of Greater Baltimore, P.O. Box 5633 (21210)

This stuff came out of the can spoiled. The schtick's ... been ruined since I came up with it," reported mopy comic Neil Hamburger, as he called from Los Angeles to talk about his act. Currently playing the nation's rock clubs and, he says, the occasional casino or "second-tier" pizza parlor, Hamburger indeed covers bizarre and boring topics - from candy fillings to kangaroos - delivering each sorry punchline with a heavy dose of pathetic ennui....

I know you can help settle a disagreement. Isn't Salisbury steak just a hamburger with sauce? More people need to live in your world where disagreements involve ground meat rather than weapons of mass destruction. Yes, Salisbury steak is ground lean meat, just like a good burger. But to say it's just like a hamburger is like calling foie gras just liver, a Ferrari just a car, or Bruce and the E Street Band just a rock group. I'll bet you thought Salisbury steak was invented by someone in the test kitchen that produced the original TV dinners.