Grief

It was the little things -- her late husband's tractor that she couldn't bring herself to sell, the restaurants that seemed to overflow with couples -- that inspired Janet Zinzeleta to write about her grief.Writing was a way for the 64-year-old Ellicott City resident to cope with the loss of her husband, Ray, who died in 1986 of leukemia. The couple had been married for 30 years.Step by step, fighting through the pain, Mrs. Zinzeleta chronicled her feelings in a dozen essays, most of them printed in such publications as The Sun; the Miami Herald; Bereavement magazine, a national publication; and in a professional journal for doctors who study death and dying.

On paper, Lisa Scottoline is a little intimidating. She's got more than 30 million copies in print of her books, including 20 best-selling novels. She writes a weekly column, with her daughter, for The Philadelphia Inquirer. She's a graduate of Harvard University and the University of Pennsylvania Law School, and taught a class at the latter called "Justice and Fiction. " But ask her about any connections she might have to Baltimore, where she'll be visiting May 20 as a featured author in the Baltimore Sun Book Club, and you'll quickly discover her self-deprecating sense of humor.

The mourners followed the coffin of 15-year-old Grace McComas out of the church and into the morning sunlight of a beautiful Easter season. Christine McComas carried her child's stuffed toy in the crook of her arm. Grief made her look almost wistful. As Grace's parents and her three sisters left the crowded St. Michael's Catholic Church in Mount Airy a year ago, they weren't thinking that their journey of grief would take them to Annapolis. But the determination of that grief-stricken mother to tell her daughter's story - powered by a Ravens player, Maryland's first lady and a state legislator - resulted in "Grace's Law," which Gov. Martin O'Malley is scheduled to sign Thursday.

The mourners followed the coffin of 15-year-old Grace McComas out of the church and into the morning sunlight of a beautiful Easter season. Christine McComas carried her child's stuffed toy in the crook of her arm. Grief made her look almost wistful. As Grace's parents and her three sisters left the crowded St. Michael's Catholic Church in Mount Airy a year ago, they weren't thinking that their journey of grief would take them to Annapolis. But the determination of that grief-stricken mother to tell her daughter's story - powered by a Ravens player, Maryland's first lady and a state legislator - resulted in "Grace's Law," which Gov. Martin O'Malley is scheduled to sign Thursday.

It is a disappointment that the Ravens didn't win last weekend but it's hardly a tragedy. That's why it was tasteless and appalling that The Sun would print an editorial listing Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' five stages of grief in reference to a lost football match ("Stages of grief," Jan. 24). Try asking someone who has lost a loved one to illness, accident or a homicide about grief. Try talking to the families of the deceased in your own news articles and obituaries and see if they can find the humor in comparing their loss to a football game.

If you've lost a pet, sometimes it helps to have a ceremony remembering your furry, scaled or feathered friend. Trust me -- once I had an Episcopal priest and a smattering of friends in my backyard for a full-on, formal memorial service to help me get over the untimely death of Atticus, my beloved tabby. This Sunday, Sept. 9, is the first annual Pet Memorial Sunday Ceremony at Nicodemus Memorial Park at Baltimore Humane Society. The ceremony will feature several speakers, live music and a portrait artist who can create (for a small fee)

It had been nearly 40 years since Linn Holt lost her mother, but some days, the pain was as unbearable as the day she died. Family gatherings were heartbreaking, Mother's Days were miserable. And on every anniversary of her mother's death, Holt would stay home in bed, hibernating from the world, swelling with grief. It wasn't normal, she thought. She needed help. Three years ago, Holt attended a seminar on Mother's Day weekend for people struggling with the loss of their mothers.

Former Orioles pitcher Jamie Moyer's effort to blanket America with bereavement camps for children is based on nothing personal. No tragedy in Moyer's own life spurred him to create a nationwide network of support centers for youngsters who are grieving for loved ones - like the camp that is coming to Maryland in July. "Why do this? Why not?" said Moyer, who, at 47, is still pitching for the Philadelphia Phillies. "We all have to deal with death, but when a child has to do it, it's really unfortunate," he said.

When her family was thinking about moving to Texas three years ago, Maggie Mei Lewis, then barely in her teens, so wanted to stay in Maryland that she hatched a seemingly far-fetched plan. "I thought, 'I'll write a book, and I'll make enough money to stay here,' " says Lewis, 16, who lives in Turkey Point. She still hasn't earned enough to be independent, but the result of her labors — "Moonlight Memoirs: Remembering That Family and Friends Are Forever," a richly illustrated children's book — recently took first prize in the spirituality category of the Next Generation Indie Book Awards, a competition for self-published authors around the world.

It's the season for families to draw together; for faith, celebration and warm memories; for treasured sights and sounds and scents; for time-honored customs and traditions.If you have lost a loved one, these coming weeks can be the loneliest, most painful time of all, says Denise McNaught, founder and executive director of the National Childhood Grief Institute."These holidays will be the worst grieving time you'll ever go through. They'll be so painful, you may not feel as if you can live through them.

A medic unit that had rushed to the scene of the midday shooting in Belair-Edison sat idling in the street. With the dead man's body under a sheet, there was no one to transport. Word was spreading about 49-year-old Kelvin Moyd's being shot. Relatives came running down Pelham Avenue, visibly upset and too frantic to cry. Two women burst through crime scene tape. One was bear-hugged by a male officer, who had other officers come to his aid as he struggled to keep her back. Then a man came down the street and a group of people swarmed him before he could confront an officer.

Mildred E. "Millie" Banwell, an artist who was a longtime supporter of the Light House shelter and an active member of Calvary United Methodist Church, died Sunday of pulmonary fibrosis at Hospice of the Chesapeake in Pasadena. The longtime Annapolis resident was 75. "I have a very high regard for her and we will miss her terribly. She was a great Christian lady and a leader at Calvary," said the Rev. Byron P. Brought, who pastored Calvary in Annapolis from 1992 until 2010, when he retired.

Sandra Richardson and Bonnita Spikes have much in common. Both live in Upper Marlboro and are churchgoing Christians who have worked in nursing. Both have dealt with the pain of losing people they loved in murders. When it comes to the death penalty, however, the two women are on opposite sides of one of the most divisive issues facing the General Assembly this year. Richardson, 74, hopes to go to Annapolis this week to testify against Gov. Martin O'Malley's effort to end capital punishment in Maryland as she did when the governor made a similar effort four years ago. She'd like to tell lawmakers about her 38-year-old daughter, Lisa Richardson, who was strangled at her Charles County home in 2001 by a man who received a life sentence in a plea bargain.

David Reed raised a few eyebrows when he wore Lee Evans' No. 83 jersey at practice Wednesday. Evans was blamed by many for being unable to hold onto a potential game-winning touchdown pass from quarterback Joe Flacco in the waning minutes of the Ravens' 23-20 loss to the New England Patriots in last year's AFC championship game. But Reed didn't wear the same jersey Thursday or Friday. After Friday's practice, the receiver explained why. “That's my boy,” Reed said. “But you know, with the circumstances that went down last year, guys were giving me a hard time about it a little bit. So I haven't worn that jersey anymore.” In addition to showing some solidarity with a former teammate, Reed said he was wearing No. 83 to help the defense prepare for the Patriots' No. 83. “I was being Wes Welker for the scout team,” Reed said.

Holiday lights, carols and traditional foods are just the things to create a festive mood this month. But for the adult child who recently lost a parent, a longtime member of a couple whose spouse has died, or the family facing an empty chair at their traditional gathering, there may not be much fa-la-la-la-la in late December. The psychological stress of the holidays, often a time of raised expectations, is especially painful for a family in mourning, said Robert Rubinstein, a professor in the Department of Sociology and Anthropology at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County, whose research has focused on loss and grief for older adults.

He had lost a son many years before, the boy barely more than a toddler when he died. Now another son was dead, and grief sat on him like the shawl that draped his shoulders as he rattled around the big, cold house. His wife was emotionally troubled and spent money they did not have. His subordinates were insubordinate, convinced he was out of his depth and that they could do a better job. And his country had split along a ragged seam of geography and race, boys from Maine and Vermont fighting it out against boys from Georgia and Tennessee, their bodies left broken, bloated, bloody and fly-swarmed, dead by the profligate thousands.

IN THE DAYS following he destruction of TWA 800 there has been considerable focus on the plight of the victims' families. At times it has seemed that the officials in contact with them have been in as much need of counseling as the families themselves.Those in charge expressed chagrin at the anger and impatience expressed by those whose loved ones perished. First TWA was denounced for the delay in releasing the list of passengers. The airline argued that it needed to verify names to ensure accuracy.

CHRISTMAS IS SO exhausting, I think, because no one except Santa gets to devote his full attention to it. Christmas is something we layer on top of our already busy lives. So just the idea of Christmas makes us feel tired. Grief is like that, too. Few of us can stop the merry-go-round of everyday life long enough for the powerful waves of grief to drain from us. We wake each morning knowing we must go through the day with a load of bricks where our hearts should be. Just the idea of living without someone we love makes us tired before we begin.

A daddy blogger wrote this month that the Halloween video "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" should be retired from viewing by this generation of kids because its title character is bullied and harassed throughout. Charlie Brown's friends call him a blockhead, and even the adults are mean to him - while the other kids get candy in their treat bags, Charlie Brown gets rocks. "My boys are 5 and 2. Young kids," said Buzz Bishop, the writer behind DadCamp on Babble.com . "They're at the age where words like "stupid" and "dumb" are as bad as a four letter word that rhymes with fire truck.

If you've lost a pet, sometimes it helps to have a ceremony remembering your furry, scaled or feathered friend. Trust me -- once I had an Episcopal priest and a smattering of friends in my backyard for a full-on, formal memorial service to help me get over the untimely death of Atticus, my beloved tabby. This Sunday, Sept. 9, is the first annual Pet Memorial Sunday Ceremony at Nicodemus Memorial Park at Baltimore Humane Society. The ceremony will feature several speakers, live music and a portrait artist who can create (for a small fee)