Grammar

IT IS TIME ONCE AGAIN for Ask Mister Language Person, the advice column written by the world's No. 1 foremost leading authority on grammar, syntax, podiatry and using big words to physically harm your opponent. In just a few moments, we'll answer some language questions sent in by concerned readers that we made up. But first we have the following important "Y2K" advisory:Many experts are concerned about how the Y2K problem will affect grammar. A federal task force has studied this question and recently released a report concluding that beginning Jan. 1, 2000, there could be "widespread, sporadic shortages of words."

IT IS WITH GREAT verisimilitude that we present another installation of "Ask Mister Language Person," the column that answers your common questions about grammar, punctuation and unwanted body hair. This is the only language column to receive the coveted Lifetime Bathroom Pass from the American Society of University Professors Who Are Never in Their Offices.We will commence the onset of today's column by beginning with our first question, which concerns a basic rule of business grammar:Q.

Thomas Hardy (1840-1928), was born in Dorset, England, to common rural folk. His mother taught him to read at three and by the time he finished grammar school, he knew the classics, French, and German. In 1856, he was apprenticed to a Dorchester and then a London architect, but despite winning awards, he was determined to be a writer. Hardy published his first novel at 31. His simple origins proved indispensable to his writing. His empathetic depiction of country people in The Return of the Native (1878)

Grammar ain't what it used to be.Time was, teachers whacked us on the knuckles when our subjects and verbs didn't match up. College professors shamed us for not never showing up for class.At least we knew right from wrong back then.Now, anything goes. They tell us it's OK to knowingly split infinitives. They say a preposition is a fine thing to end a sentence with. And they say we can start a sentence with "and."And even "but."But only if we don't overdo it.Linguists, lexicographers and grammarians disagree on what is proper grammar these days.

Jonathan R. Freeman didn't mind teaching grammar, but he hated the textbooks. And he was fairly sure his students hated them, too -- if not the whole subject.So, "in a six-week blitzkrieg" two summers ago, the Bryn Mawr School teacher created his own text tailored to his students and to his approach to teaching, which is considerably more lighthearted than that of most grammarians.Out of the sweat of that summer came "GRAMMARRRRGGHH!!!!! a guidebook for students lost in the land of language."

A huge diamond engagement ring given to Jacqueline Kennedy by Aristotle Onassis was just one of the items up for bid at yesterday's auction of the former first lady's belongings.Buyers paid $42,500 for Jackie's French grammar book and $32,200 for a sofa.For additional auction highlights, see the full story on Page 5e.Pub Date: 4/25/96

Kudos to KellyEditor: Thank you, thank you for the articles from Jacques Kelly. We have thoroughly enjoyed going back with him and remembering things gone by.I have since purchased his book and have given copies to friends who, too, have enjoyed the articles.Mrs. Thomas A. KnottEllicott City----------Editor: "Jacques Kelly's Baltimore" is almost worth the price of your paper. Keep him. (No, I never met him and I'm not his cousin!)Tom O'RourkeCockeysvilleLetters to the editor should include name, address and daytime phone number.

GIBSONBURG, Ohio -- They (my eighth-graders) say, ''It don't make no difference how we talk.'' I say, ''Oh yes it do.'' They say, ''You just used bad grammar!'' I say, ''How's come ya' notice it when I use it but you don't never hear it when you do it?''They say, ''Whatta' we need to talk so perfect for, anyway?'' I say, ''Because you will be forever judged by the way you speak and if you use poor grammar you will be branded ignorant.''They say, ''So what? Everybody at my house talks the same way I do. Are you calling my family ignorant?

TODAY WE could explore any number of strange angles on the O. J. Simpson saga.We could talk about the Fuhrman mess.This "retired cop" is politically just to the right of Hitler, and intellectually six steps behind Forrest Gump.Or we could compare the budgets of the O. J. trial and "Waterworld."As of this writing, the movie "Waterworld" is still slightly more expensive.But what I'd really like to do is talk about O. J. Simpson's spelling.Think back to the year 1 of O. J. -- that is, the summer of 1994.

In his Spanish class, eighth-grader Greg Putman is learning more about his native language, too."They thought 'conjugate' was a Spanish word," said Spanish teacher Sharon Schuster. "They weren't aware they'd been conjugating verbs all their lives. They don't pick apart their native language like they do a foreign one."Greg, whom The Sun has followed every year since kindergarten as a representative of Carroll County's class of 2000, is taking three high-school level courses this year at Westminster West Middle School.

Everyone knows that cover letters must be spotless. Most people know to be careful as they type e-mails for work. , =, & and @ are allowed. * Shortened word forms such as nite and thru are allowed. * Use proper basic punctuation. * Use proper capitalization. Typing in lower-case doesn't save characters; it's just lazy. Grammar Girl's Quick and Dirty Tips For Better Writing

CHICAGO -- Scientists are running out of things they think truly separate humans from other animals. For a long time the reigning difference was thought to be tool-making, but then they discovered that chimpanzees and gorillas use tools. One of the last bastions of human uniqueness, they surely thought, is language. Although animals can communicate, it was thought to be in only a fixed way - using sequences of sounds with specific meanings that never vary. Humans supposedly were different because they can follow rules of grammar.

Carroll County's English teachers are dusting off their grammar books as part of the school system's effort to bolster students' writing and reading skills. For nearly four decades, grammar instruction was discouraged in school systems across the nation, as researchers asserted that the stringent rules robbed students of their creativity. But in a back-to-basics move, school officials are emphasizing the need for students to learn grammar as the key to developing strong writing skills.

Phil Grapes furrowed his brow. He leaned back in his swivel chair. Only hours into his term as the new student representative to the Carroll County school board, he delivered a withering assessment of the public school system's grammar instruction. "If I had to choose one thing that was extremely weak across the board, it is kids' use of grammar. It's terrible," the 17-year-old Liberty High School senior said as school board members smiled uncomfortably. Sure, the British literature class in his junior year included a grammar unit, Grapes told them.

NEW YORK - The third-graders at P.S. 277 in Brooklyn twist upward in their seats, hands fluttering on outstretched arms like flags atop a pole. As teacher Janet Kennedy recognizes them, they march in turn to the blackboard, drawing a collection of lines and connecting dots that would be foreign to almost anyone who graduated from college in the past 20 years or so. This is no arts-in-the-schools project, or even some beginning geometry lesson. The enthusiastic 8-year-olds are learning to diagram sentences.

It is with great verisimilitude that we present another installation of "Ask Mister Language Person," the column that answers your common questions about grammar, punctuation and unwanted body hair. This is the ONLY language column to receive the coveted Lifetime Bathroom Pass from the American Society of University Professors Who Are Never in Their Offices. We will commence the onset of today's column by beginning with our first question, which concerns a basic rule of business grammar: What is the proper way to begin a formal letter?

John Angelo Pentz, a venerable presence at City College where he taught literature, poetry and grammar for nearly four decades, died Tuesday at Memorial Hospital at Easton from complications of a fall he suffered in May. He was 99. Born and raised in East Baltimore, Mr. Pentz was a 1921 graduate of City's arch-rival Polytechnic Institute and earned his bachelor's degree from the Johns Hopkins University in 1925. He was first in his class at the University of Baltimore, where he earned a law degree in 1937.

CAN A COMPUTER be intellectually lazy? We know people can. That's what explains our ever-increasing reliance on machines to do our thinking for us: the calculators we use to figure 15 percent on a restaurant bill; the spell-checkers and grammar-checkers we lean on when writing with word processing software. Turns out we may be counting on gadgets that are doing a little brain-napping of their own -- at least as far as the grammar-checker is concerned. The New York Times reported recently that an English professor's look at Microsoft's dominant Word 2000 grammar-checker (famous for the wavy green line it places over improperly worded passages)

SIMPLE SOULS worried about the future of the written word can turn to the Baltimore Convention Center for solace. About 6,000 of the nation's experts have gathered there over the last few days. And the verdict is: They're worried, too. They're high school and college English instructors from around the country, who stand before oceans of students each day and try to wade through a culture built on television and the Internet, and MTV and sound-bite journalism, and cell phones, and insist that reading and writing are important to kids who cannot imagine such a possibility.

It is with great decrepitude that we present another episode of "Ask Mister Language Person," the column that was recently voted "Best American Grammar Column in America" by a panel of Florida voters who were actually trying to order Chinese food. The philosophy of this column is simple: if you have good language skills, you will be respected and admired; whereas if you clearly have no clue about grammar or vocabulary, you could become president of the United States. The choice is yours!