Goldfish

At the Koke Pitch, where the idea is to land a ring on the neck of any of the mostly ginger ale bottles, Michael and Tina Ford forked over between $50 and $70 until Sarah, 6, succeeded.The prize, a stuffed gray elephant, stood hip-high on the child, who announced that her father would carry it. Her mother was already toting two plastic leis, two pinwheels, one stuffed Dalmatian, two paper yo-yos and a plastic bag containing one live goldfish -- the loot from other game booths.They had been at the Big Glen Burnie Carnival only an hour.

Once again this spring I'm doing my part to help jump-start the economy by buying every raffle ticket thrust at me.L I bought a raffle ticket for a 1992 Cadillac Sedan de Ville.I bought a raffle ticket for a Mitsubishi big-screen TV.I bought a raffle ticket for a 22-foot speedboat, a CD player and a Cal Ripken Jr. autographed baseball bat.I even bought a raffle ticket for a camper that sleeps four -- and my idea of roughing it is a Holiday Inn without cable.Understand, there is absolutely no chance of me winning any of these prizes.

City Council candidate Donna Joy Beth Shapiro was only "fishing for votes," but she touched off a controversy when she sent 50 goldfish to local media organizations, including several TV stations and The Evening Sun.The goldfish were enclosed in small plastic bags filled with water. A piece of Shapiro's campaign literature, with the line, "I'm TC fishing for your vote," was stapled to the top of each bag.Shapiro is one of 13 Democrats seeking the three 2nd District council seats in the Sept.

For $1, a fair-goer received 10 chances to win a goldfish -- all thecontestant had to do was toss a pingpong ball into a pint-size fishbowl.The game was besieged by people, young and old, all trying toleave the Sykesville Fireman's Park with more than a stuffed animal and stuffed belly.About 100 were successful each night, said a game operator, who refused to give his name."The kids enjoy it," the man said, as he gathered balls for the next eager competitor. "People tell us about the fish that they have from years before -- and they're getting bigger."

THERE IS probably something good to be said about the idea of fish as pets, although whatever it is escapes me at the moment.Certainly, fish are neither as playful and affectionate as dogs, nor do they possess the titillating menace of cats, who will often lunge at a person's thorax or scratch out his eyes simply out of boredom.Fish are also not exactly the hardiest creatures around. Quite frankly, the ones I have known as pets have all tended to . . . well, I guess there's no other way to put this . . . die.You have no idea how upsetting it is to retire for the evening after tossing a cheerful wave in the direction of the aquarium, where your fish are swimming peacefully -- only to come downstairs the next morning and find them floating belly-up next to the fake coral which sits atop the fake miniature sunken ship.

The last time I saw Doug Arey, he wasn't inviting William Donald Schaefer to lunch. He was sitting in a cell at the Baltimore City Jail and explaining he had nothing to do with any plot to kill Richard Nixon."