GAG

Magazine makes list of top 10 toadiesCapital Style magazine has named its "Top 10 Toadies," the biggest posterior-kissers in Washington. Among the winners is presidential friend, corporate board member and "paragon of sucking-upward mobility" Vernon Jordan, cited for doing "anything to keep the directors' fees pouring in." Then there's Larry King, whose USA Today column is a "weekly cavalcade of wet smooches to friends."Geraldo Rivera is scored for his lack of credibility; and despite "two decades of doormat status," Hillary Rodham Clinton is described as "seeking votes in New York by suddenly praising retiring Sen. Daniel Patrick Moynihan, after systematically ignoring his expertise in health care and other areas."

HOUSE REPUBLICANS who claim to be ardently opposed to abortions instead seem intent on increasing them worldwide. That would be the effect of a gag rule they seek to impose on U.S. aid to family planning programs.Two years ago, their no-compromise approach helped shut down the federal government, even while they insisted their opposition was to abortion, not to the family planning programs that decrease demand for abortions. This year they are working their mischief again, holding up accord on a foreign aid bill.

Cleveland celebrates its bicentennial this summer and you're invited, prompting the usual birthday dilemma: what to bring for a gift.A new football team would be nice, what with the former Browns gone to Baltimore. You could go for one of those gag dribble-mugs that says "Bicentarians do it every 200 years" or a set of beer-can-cutting Ginzu steak knives, but why not bring a sense of historical adventure instead?By all means, see examples of the city's much-touted revitalization: the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum, the Indians' new home at Jacobs Field, the Great Lakes Science Center, upscale shopping at the Galleria or Tower City or night life in the Flats.

Planned Parenthood says that rather than accept the Bush administration's gag rule it will give up federal funding of its operations. The gag rule forbids professionals at birth control clinics from even referring to abortion as an option to a pregnant woman, much less recommending one.President Bush has agreed to a policy which allows physicians but no one else at clinics to discuss abortion in at least some cases. In his view, according to White House officials, this was an admitted attempt to straddle the issue.

Gov. William Donald Schaefer's gag order on state agencies is silly and self-defeating. The spectacle of a governor having to read every press announcement from a government with 70,000 workers -- even with the help of a public relations staff -- is ludicrous.This is not the first time Mr. Schaefer has tried to put a lid on the flow of information to the public. One of his minions gave a similar order in 1987. It didn't last then and it won't last now.For democracy to work effectively, the people have to know what their servants are doing.

Rochester, N.Y. - THEY'RE DOING the gag-rule shuffle, here in this upstate city where the Planned Parenthood chapter is celebrating its 60th birthday. The annual budget for family-planning services usually includes $340,000 of federal Title X money. But the board members and the staff have had to cast around for months now, figuring out where they'll find that money if the federal funds fall through.To receive Title X money, they have to promise not to discuss abortion, not to answer questions or provide referrals.

Boston -- There is a touch of pleasure in watching the Bush people gag on their very own gag rule. The rule that was designed to cut off free speech about abortion is now making it harder for the Republicans to clear their throats. Somebody out there better perform a political Heimlich maneuver on the Party.This gag rule was devised to prevent anyone who worked in one of the 4,000 federally funded family-planning clinics from using the ''A'' word. Doctors, nurses and counselors, who were already prohibited from performing abortions with federal money, were now forbidden from speaking about abortion.

Has anyone informed Alan Keyes that he is setting off gag meters all over the state? Mine went off over the weekend and I had to call in a technician to reset it. Could we get a Republican to tap Al -- may I call him that? -- on the shoulder, wave him into a corner and suggest that maybe he muzzle it a bit about being hard-pressed on $8,500 a month?I'm not suggesting a complete gag order -- just a few less gags.As far as I'm concerned, the man can flap away all he wants in that rambling, rapid-fire delivery that sounds like a thesaurus pushed through an Uzi. Listening to Keyes is like watching "American Gladiators" on TV -- it's amusing for the first five minutes, then it becomes annoying.

Health-care providers at federally funded clinics, now under D DTC "gag" order, should be permitted to tell women of their legal right to abortion, in the view of almost three-fourths of callers to SUNDIAL. Of 674 callers, 496, or 73 percent, favor that position, while 178 callers, or 26 percent, are opposed.

Blake Edwards has thought long and hard about what it means to be male and female and many of his films turn on the passions of gender or even of gender confusion, such as "Victor/Victoria."So his new "Switch" is a summing up of all this intellectual labor. And guess what he's learned?He's learned nothing."Switch" will probably be a hit, because it's quite funny, particularly in the physical business that Edwards, a gagmeister of the old school, has found for an especially game Ellen Barkin.

Remember the Patriot Act? How could librarian Peter Chase ever forget. In 2005, Mr. Chase, the director of the Plainville, Conn., public library and then-vice president of a consortium of 26 Connecticut libraries, received an FBI demand for library patron records via a National Security Letter authorized under the Patriot Act. The FBI also imposed a gag order prohibiting him from speaking to anyone about the demand - including Congress, when the Patriot...

A hearing on a gag order request in the case of the two men accused of killing former City Councilman Kenneth N. Harris Sr. was postponed yesterday after arrangements had not been made for the defendants to be brought to court. Assistant Public Defender Maureen Rowland and defense attorney Jan Bledsoe had requested a postponement, but District Administrative Judge Keith E. Mathews denied their request. As soon as the two attorneys arrived in the courtroom, they said they wouldn't permit the hearing to proceed without their clients.

Attorneys for The Baltimore Sun, WBAL-TV and WJZ-TV filed their opposition yesterday to a gag order that would limit public comment on the cases against two men accused of killing former City Councilman Kenneth N. Harris Sr. A hearing on the gag order could occur as early as 11 a.m. today in Baltimore District Court, but is likely to be postponed. Attorneys for Gary Collins and Charles Y. McGaney, who are accused of fatally shooting Harris outside a Northeast Baltimore jazz club during a robbery, requested the order, saying it was necessary to ensure a fair and impartial jury.

Baltimore lawyers representing two men charged in the murder of former City Councilman Kenneth N. Harris Sr. have asked a judge to prohibit people involved in the case from talking about it publicly. But their written request didn't keep defense attorney Jan Bledsoe from telling reporters after a hearing that her client, Gary Collins, 20, was innocent. It seems the lawyers want to have it their way and then some. Attorneys for Mr. Collins and Charles Y. McGaney, 19, are seeking the gag order because they fear their clients won't get a fair trial.

Some area restaurateurs got together the other day to talk foie gras. They weren't swapping recipes. They were developing "talking points." The goose and duck liver lobby has landed in Baltimore, complete with pickets waving pictures of dead birds. The Baltimore Animal Rights Coalition -- BARC for short, though perhaps they could go by QUACK -- has been sending letters to chefs and demonstrating outside several restaurants since September. Two of its early targets, Timothy Dean Bistro and Ten-0-Six, quickly took the delicacy off their menus, BARC's Erin Marcus said.

Manson guilty, Nixon declares." Remember that headline from all those years ago? President Richard M. Nixon, commenting about the trial of Charles Manson, opined that the defendant "was guilty, directly or indirectly, of eight murders without reason."

When it comes to romantic comedy these days, there's screwball and then there's lowball. Which do you expect from two of the Scary Movie writers? Whatever you think, think lower. From human hairballs to corpse abuse, Date Movie puts the gag in comedy gags. In Date Movie, the parody of movies you're pretty sure you've seen come so fast and furious (no, not that one) that part of the entertainment is merely keeping score. Be it bragging rights or cause for despair, we quickly recognize Bridget Jones, Napoleon Dynamite, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Bend It Like Beckham, Hitch and a TV episode of Pimp My Ride - and that's just the first 10 minutes.

AIDS has hit Africa hard. But nongovernmental organizations confronting the epidemic have been hit even harder by the Bush administration's ideologically based edicts. Last month, the U.N. special envoy for HIV/AIDS in Africa, Stephen Lewis, and others declared that the administration's policy of emphasizing abstinence-only programs and cutting federal funding for condoms has undermined Uganda's HIV/AIDS effort. Sadly, Uganda is not alone. Having recently returned from Kenya, where I have worked intermittently for a decade, I can report that the best and brightest health professionals there are despairing not of AIDS, which has infected 7 percent to 9 percent of Kenyans, but of numerous U.S. restrictions.

In the Region Beltsville's Spherix says GAO has upheld its contract protest Spherix Inc. of Beltsville said yesterday that its protest of a contract award to a rival company for providing reservation services to the National Park Service has been sustained by the Government Accountability Office. The U.S. Department of Agriculture had awarded the contract for a consolidated National Recreation Reservation System for a bid of $128 million over 10 years. The bid was more than $32 million higher than Spherix's.

JUST BECAUSE THE FBI says so isn't a good enough reason to trample rights guaranteed Americans in the First and Fourth amendments, a U.S. District Court judge ruled Wednesday. Not much of a stretch to figure that one out, but count on the administration to appeal the decision. Judge Victor Marrero struck down the piece of the USA Patriot Act that allowed the FBI - without judicial oversight or finding of probable cause - to order Internet-access and telephone firms to hand over customer records and never tell anyone that they had done it. Not their lawyers, not their customers, not their great-great-grandchildren 50 years from now. One such provider finally did tell a lawyer, which is how the lawsuit got filed, but hundreds of others have held their tongues, according to Judge Marrero.