Faris

"Being a centerfold is the highest and most prestigious honor there is," uber-blond Shelley earnestly declares. "It says, 'I'm naked in the middle of a magazine. Unfold me!' " Such is the glazed-eyed charm of House Bunny, which is factory made, nothing new and really funny. The familiar plot finds a misfit sorority about to lose its house unless it can suddenly become popular. Enter Shelley, a sweetly vacant exile from the paradise called the Playboy Mansion, who is just spunky and sexy enough to solve everyone's problems.

For Lt. Lawrence E. Faries, the new state police barracks commander in Westminster, his June 5 reassignment from Prince George's County was a homecoming of sorts. He was assistant commander of the barracks from 1986 to 1992 and has lived in Carroll County for 24 years.In replacing Lt. Bruce Tanner, who was transferred to Hagerstown, Faries faced an immediate challenge. Two days after he arrived, state police officials published annual Uniform Crime Report statistics showing that serious crime in Carroll County rose 5.4 percent last year, the biggest increase in the Baltimore region, which also includes Anne Arundel, Harford, Howard and Baltimore counties and Baltimore.

Lt. Larry Faries, commander of the state police barracks in Westminster, will move up but not out today when he attains the rank of captain."It was my career goal to make captain," Faries said yesterday. "It's kind of been lurking in the background for a while. It's a real grin. I couldn't be happier."In his new role and rank, he will serve out of Westminster and in uniform as the assistant to the commander for the central region, which includes Carroll, Howard, Prince George's and Montgomery counties.

ANNA FARIS WOULD like to be taken seriously. Despite the odds, she may get her wish. The wholesomely beautiful actress has parlayed an ability to seem cheerfully obtuse into a blossoming career. Fans of broad humor already know her as the star of the Scary Movie franchise, a series of horror-movie spoofs that in its first three installments has earned nearly $338 million at the U.S. box office. With Friday's scheduled opening of the latest chapter, Scary Movie 4, the Baltimore native will return to the screen once again as the eternally naive, heedlessly happy Cindy Campbell, a literal-minded small-town girl who ends up the butt of some of the most outrageous comedy in the Scary Movies.

Spoofs are, at once, both the easiest to watch and the hardest to perfect of all comedy films. They're easy to watch because they move rapidly, depend on characters and situations we're already familiar with, and have only one purpose: to make the viewer laugh. But they're hard to get just right because what one person finds funny, another will find simply stupid. And if the audience isn't familiar with the source material, most of the jokes will simply fly over their heads. Scary Movie 4 (Dimension Films)

The gleaming silver coffeepot, with its elegantly turned lid and ornately carved wooden handle, still looks as new as it did on the day it was made more than 200 years ago. One can almost smell the fragrance of fresh-brewed coffee wafting from its gracefully curved spout. No matter that this pot, meticulously hand-crafted by an Annapolis silversmith for a wealthy Maryland family, is now far too valuable for everyday use. It still bespeaks a world of gracious living in splendid homes, and of culture, luxury and ease.

As every red-blooded American boy knows, the first rule about fight club is you don't talk about fight club - and the second rule of fight club is you don't talk about fight club. That goes triple for Never Back Down, not because it's a secret worth keeping, but because it's reprehensible. Tom Cruise lookalike Sean Faris stars as a brainy, fight-prone high school football star who moves from Iowa to Orlando, Fla. There he becomes involved with a crowd devoted to practicing mixed-martial arts in their clubs, schools and McMansions.

G-Girl is faster than a speeding you-know-what. She can leap tall buildings in a, well, you remember. And she looks hot doing it. Uma Thurman hot. My Super Ex-Girlfriend (20th Century Fox) Starring Uma Thurman, Luke Wilson, Anna Faris, Rainn Wilson. Directed by Ivan Reit man. Rated PG-13. Time 90 minutes.

On December 16, 2005, PAULINE DOUGLAS (nee Faris) beloved wife of the late Vernon E. Purcell, devoted mother of Vernon D., and Paul E. Purcell, Carol E. Retowsky, Linda M. Parsley and Bonnie Purcell Johnson. Loving grandmother of Shannon, Danielle, Kristie and the late Rodney. Services at the family owned Evans Chapel of Memories-Parkville on Monday at 11 A.M. Interment Parkwood Cemetery. Visiting Sunday 3 to 5 and 7 to 9 P.M.

The House Bunny Starring Anna Faris, Colin Hanks. Directed by Fred Wolf. Released by Sony $29.96 (Blu-ray $39.95) *** 1/2 DVDS Baltimore's own Anna Faris is funny, beguiling and sexy in The House Bunny (in stores Friday), as a former Playboy Playmate exiled from the mansion for being too old - she's 27, which is 59 in bunny years. With nowhere else to go, she moves into a campus sorority house run by the hapless Zetas and finds her talents welcome in ways she never thought possible (relax, it's rated PG-13, so stash all those unduly salacious thoughts elsewhere)