Etiquette

I have been brooding for the past week over a part of a comment at the Language Log post "A half century of usage denialism," in which Deniz Rudin writes: "Descriptivism is an investigatory approach to the formal study of language, and it is uncontroversial in linguistics departments because it is the only sane approach - nobody opposes descriptivism in biology, or argues for a prescriptivist physics. Prescriptivism, on the other hand, is a branch of etiquette columnry - prescriptivists advise us of what the more embarrassing solecisms are, so that we can in avoiding them be judged by the cultured to be one of their own. " Now I know where this is coming from.

With "Downton Abbey" about to start Season 3 on these shores this weekend, taking us once more into the rarefied world of British society and grand meals around elegantly appointed tables, your ever-thoughtful Midweek Madness featurette would like to offer this quick refresher on the rules of social etiquette, especially those pertaining to the gentler sex. As you know, the women in "Downton Abbey" sometimes forget their place, which can have devastating...

Does familiarity breed contempt or community?If you live in a rowhouse, you know that the answer is a little bit of both. The Sun would like to hear your tales of rowhouse living. Does your neighbor refuse to take his privacy fence down even though it doesn't conform to code? Does your other neighbor's stove vent pump recycled steak fumes into your house?Or do you live in harmony with your neighbors, using the same color trim on your adjoining abodes, mowing each other's lawns and merging postage-stamp backyards into an urban oasis?

When students in the Howard County after-school program Can-Teen say "please" and "thank you," they scarcely sound as if they were once nagged or scolded into doing so. Instead, their expressions of gratitude appear to be just that, and they understand why such expressions are warranted. Sound strange for a group of more than a dozen teens? Not according to Taurean Washington, the youth director for the Can-Teen program, a county recreation and parks program that teaches leadership skills and etiquette.

When students in the Howard County after-school program Can-Teen say "please" and "thank you," they scarcely sound as if they were once nagged or scolded into doing so. Instead, their expressions of gratitude appear to be just that, and they understand why such expressions are warranted. Sound strange for a group of more than a dozen teens? Not according to Taurean Washington, the youth director for the Can-Teen program, a county recreation and parks program that teaches leadership skills and etiquette.

Has anyone noticed that rudeness and lack of consideration in publicplaces seem to be spreading? That more and more people don't seem toknow or care how to act in public?We all know how things have degenerated in movie theaters, where people talk and make noise while viewing a film. Remember the incident in a Columbia movie theater where one young man assaulted another because he was asked to please be quiet so others could enjoy the film?This is why video rentals are popular. It's cheaper and you have control over the atmosphere in the viewing area.

With "Downton Abbey" about to start Season 3 on these shores this weekend, taking us once more into the rarefied world of British society and grand meals around elegantly appointed tables, your ever-thoughtful Midweek Madness featurette would like to offer this quick refresher on the rules of social etiquette, especially those pertaining to the gentler sex. As you know, the women in "Downton Abbey" sometimes forget their place, which can have devastating...

Does this sound familiar?:"Tell the nice man, 'Thank you.' "Most kids have plenty to learn about manners, those classic rules of behavior. The holiday season can feel like a manners boot camp, and that's where Ann Humphries steps in."I was a parent who had no idea how to teach manners," she NTC says. "I remember barking at my kids and thinking there must be a better way."After teaching bite-size manners seminars for parents and asking kids what they knew about being polite, Humphries has released her second video, "Proud to Be Polite."

Politely but firmly, Miss Manners looked straight at seventy-odd students, teachers and aficionados of philosophy and took the whole lot to task."I came here to complain," the arbiter of etiquette told a roomful of academics at Johns Hopkins University. "Philosophers are not paying enough attention to manners."Judith Martin, whose alter ego "Miss Manners" is beloved by million of readers nationwide, was the guest speaker yesterday at a philosophy department seminar in the Milton Eisenhower Library.

JERUSALEM -- The Israeli telephone company, Bezeq, has decided that Israelis need to be more polite on the phone.Lack of basic courtesy has become a problem, the company says, especially with a rapid proliferation of cellular phones and an Israeli tendency to carry -- and scream into -- them everywhere.When it discovered people gabbing away at graveside during funerals, Bezeq sensed that the trend had gone too far."The rabbi's saying the prayers, and here's this fellow talking on the phone!"

I have been brooding for the past week over a part of a comment at the Language Log post "A half century of usage denialism," in which Deniz Rudin writes: "Descriptivism is an investigatory approach to the formal study of language, and it is uncontroversial in linguistics departments because it is the only sane approach - nobody opposes descriptivism in biology, or argues for a prescriptivist physics. Prescriptivism, on the other hand, is a branch of etiquette columnry - prescriptivists advise us of what the more embarrassing solecisms are, so that we can in avoiding them be judged by the cultured to be one of their own. " Now I know where this is coming from.

We're all waiting for the big fight of the season. I mean, that's why we are watching -- right? I kinda wish they would just get to it, but the producers are clearly dragging this one out and setting up for a big finale. At least that's my prediction. On this episode the ladies jet-set to Africa. I'm wondering who picked this location. Is it symbolic since they fight like animals? I mean, Africa is beautiful and all, but not really the place for six uppity gals from Atlanta who stuffed tons of shoes and bags into their Louis Vuitton luggage.

So are candidates flying coach on a commercial flight fair game for fellow passengers? Over the weekend, The New York Times reported that a Florida woman sat next to GOP candidate Mitt Romney on a two-hour Delta flight from Jacksonville, Fla. to Boston and found him aloof. She reported that he seemed uninterested in engaging in chitchat with her or any of the other passengers, although he did take a photo with at least one of them. The woman said Romney spent most of the flight reading a newspaper and working on an iPad - with headphones on, of course.

I just happened to catch the opening ceremonies and Sept. 11 tribute prior to the Ravens-Steelers football game. It was a beautiful ceremony with a fantastic U.S. flag covering entire field. The organizers should be commended. Beautiful, that is, until it was marred by the ignorance and stupidity of a few Baltimore players who chose to keep their skull caps on while holding the massive flag. This makes me sick! Did the coaches, team officials or NFL executives not brief these players prior to the ceremony?

I am always proud to see the swell of patriotism surrounding the Olympic Games, but I saw a trend this year that took some of that pride from me. Our country's greatest, most visible and recognizable symbol has become a fashion accessory. I was horrified to see three fans at a curling event, bare-chested, each with an individual U, S and A on their respective torsos wearing the flag as a cape. This alone is a violation of flag etiquette that states our flag should not be worn as an article of clothing, but worse, when not standing and cheering, they were sitting on it!

Men do it. Women do it. School kids do it. Parents with children in tow do it. Elderly women do it. Lawyers do it. Tourists do it. In all likelihood, if you're in Baltimore, visiting or living here, you do it, too. Jaywalk. It's dangerous, like street-corner Russian roulette. It's illegal, at least for half the day. But cops don't seem to consistently enforce the regulation, and the stern-looking, whistle-blowing traffic officers assigned to the Transportation Department are only authorized to write tickets for offenses committed on wheels.

Remember the Seinfeld episode "The Kiss Hello"? The hysterical 30-minute segment in which every woman in Jerry's apartment building was puckered up when they greeted him? The one in which Jerry slapped a moratorium on hello smooches? "Uh, listen. I decided I can't kiss hello anymore. I'm sorry. It's nothing personal. It just makes me a little uncomfortable and I can't do it. I'm sorry," he said, after backing away from a neighbor posed to plant a quick one. Summer is a time for weddings, high school reunions and bumping into acquaintances on the walking trail.

In the rough-and-tumble business world, good manners may rank low on the must-do list of many executives. Although professionally accomplished, many lack the basic skills in business etiquette, says Letitia Baldrige, who has been adviser to four first ladies and has written seven books on etiquette."

As she watched the author of Choosing Civility turn the pages of a children's book on etiquette, Boi Carpenter-Mellady almost had to pinch herself. For Boi and her husband, Matthew Mellady, first-time authors and fans of P.M. Forni, awaiting his verdict on their almost-finished book seemed a bit surreal. After all, it was Forni's book that inspired the ubiquitous "Choose Civility in Howard County" car magnets. And his 208-page volume containing 25 rules of considerate conduct is used by many as a handbook for living a kinder and gentler life.

Airlines need to tell passengers not to bathe in their stinky perfume. I am not allergic to perfume, but it is torture having to sit near heavy-perfume wearers all through a flight. It's not just women; men are just as bad about using too much. Also, some deodorants are far too strong. Is there any way to get the word out to people? Based on science and sociology alone, your chances stink when it comes to stopping what you consider an airborne invasion. But not completely. Some businesses, schools, even hospitals have instituted fragrance-free policies because they are concerned about reactions to odors.