Eddie

He called me a monkey.Happened yesterday, aboard the Norwegian Cruise Line's newest ship, the 1,246-passenger M.S. Dreamward. The ship was docked at the Dundalk Marine Terminal. And Eddie Murray came aboard to promote its first visit to the Port of Baltimore.This was Madonna entering a convent, Dan Quayle lecturing at Harvard, Woody Allen dating an adult.A media event with Eddie.What could be more bizarre?The press release arrived at the office last week. I wrestled John Eisenberg to the ground, screaming, "hands off!"

Some say there is only one Eddie's of Roland Park -- even though there are really two.What they mean is that only one of the two gourmet grocery stores -- only two miles apart -- is close to the collective heart of the North Baltimore neighborhood. That's the older one on Roland Avenue, which opened in 1953.By contrast, the spiffy "new" Eddie's on North Charles Street, over the line in Baltimore County, strikes some of the Roland Park guard as vaguely nouveau riche, though they are too polite to say so directly.

"Eddie" has great laughs, a charismatic star, a charming supporting cast and even a little thrilling basketball. Unfortunately, its plot is lacking.There's a plot, of course, but like any Sports Movie, it's pretty obvious. Losers become winners. And the obligatory obstacle -- involving the team's greedy owner -- is pretty contrived.So, are you here for laughs or for a story? If you've come for laughs, Whoopi Goldberg delivers as Eddie, a dedicated and wonderfully obnoxious New York Knicks fan who is discovered by the team's new owner, Wild Bill (Frank Langella)

The crab got pinched in the middle of the night. Installed last week as part of the city's Crabtown Project public art display and fund-raiser, the hulking fiberglass crustacean perched in front of Eddie's of Roland Park grocery store was reported missing yesterday. "We think it may have been abducted at mallet-point," said Steve Kuehn, the general manager of the high-end market. The 75-pound orange crab, with a clawspan of 5 1/2 feet, was wearing a painted-on garment decorated as a white chef's jacket with a Maryland flag on the back.

Arthur "Eddie" Aist has played Santa Claus for more than 35 years, giving his time to needy children and the elderly in his community. But now the tables have turned for the heavy-bellied Jessup man, and this month he is getting the biggest holiday gift of his life. Christmas in April, the Anne Arundel County volunteer organization that repairs homes for the needy, is fitting 73-year-old Aist's home with a new roof, gutter and downspouts, windows, kitchen, carpet, electrical work and other improvements.

It has been half a year since Nancy Schaffer's company bought the long-vacant supermarket building in the 6200 block of North Charles St. for $1.95 million, and the opening of a new Eddie's market there is still another half-year away.But, when the store finally opens, Schaffer says, "it's going to be good."Schaffer is president of Roland Park-Victor's Mkt. Inc., better known as the Eddie's Super Market in the 5100 block of Roland Ave. Several other Eddie's markets in the area, once part of a chain, are owned by other people and aren't related to Schaffer's operation.

Eddie VanKirk settled scores with his fists as he grew up on the tough streets of Southwest Baltimore. He went on to box professionally for 13 years as a welterweight and confidently took on competitors. Mr. VanKirk died Sunday at the University of Maryland Medical Center of complications from an infection. He was 45. The circumstances of his death mirrored the ups and downs in his life. He was recuperating from a gunshot wound that he suffered in November last year during a home invasion in the 300 block of Parrish St. Police said the gunman demanded money and drugs.

Louis Rankin, the retired manager of a well-known neighborhood supermarket, died of cancer Sunday at a nursing home near his St. Andrew's Estates home in Boca Raton, Fla. He was 96. For more than three decades, Mr. Rankin stood at the door of the Eddie's of Roland Park market and greeted his customers by name. "He was a standard-bearer for our industry," said Jerry Gordon, owner of the Eddie's of Charles Village market. "He was impeccably dressed and was a refined man. When you thought of that store, you thought of him."

Remember those school assemblies with McGruff the trenchcoat-wearing, crime-fighting dog? Or Smokey Bear in his dungarees and forest ranger's hat? Yesterday, Howard County rolled out a mascot for an era of dirty bombs and Category 5 hurricanes: Ready Eddie, a sunglasses-wearing, emergency kit-toting flashlight who helped second-graders prepare for terrorist strikes and natural disasters. Hurricane Katrina reminded Americans of the importance of fending for themselves for days on end. But there is no national preparedness campaign for children - the Department of Homeland Security is set to release one within the next six months - so Howard created one as part of a weeklong series of readiness events.

The crab came home. A day after a 75-pound fiberglass crustacean disappeared from outside a Roland Park grocery store, it was returned early yesterday. A store cleaning crew discovered the sculpture about 5 a.m. leaning against a white picket fence across the street from Eddie's of Roland Park. Chef Crab suffered a crack to its not-so-soft shell, and it will be repaired and returned to its pedestal in front of the store as early as today. Who took it, and who returned it, was a mystery.