Computer Experts

IF YOU'VE BEEN worrying about this Y2K computer problem, you can relax. I am pleased to report that, according to computer experts, everything is totally under control. There is absolutely nothing to worry about. In fact, you might as well stop reading this article right now!I said, there is nothing to worry about and you should stop reading this column right now.OK, good. We have gotten rid of the idiots who still actually believe the news media. We are down to the savvy individuals like you -- people who know, from personal experience, that nothing involving computers is ever "under control"; people who have attempted to perform some seemingly simple computer-related task, such as connecting a computer to a printer, and eventually decided -- after weeks of puzzling over manuals written in the Ewok language and trying to communicate with "Technical Support" -- that the only workable printing solution is to hold a piece of blank paper in front of the computer screen and trace the words manually.

It just didn't add up.Technicians at U.S. West, the Denver-based telephone company, couldn't understand last May why directory-assistance computers were grinding away for minutes to find phone numbers when they normally needed seconds. At one point, the slowdown even threatened to shutter the company's Phoenix service center. What was going on?Alarmed that hackers were afoot, U.S. West scrambled its Intrusion Response Team. The squad of computer experts combed through the company's labyrinthine computer network and found a mysterious software program running on more than 2,500 machines.

NEW YORK -- Amateur Action, a computer bulletin board that advertises itself as "the nastiest place on Earth!," was still open for business yesterday despite the conviction of its owners last year on charges of transmitting obscene material over computer networks.The only change appears to be a warning that greets all callers: "Amateur Action BBS is for the private use of the citizens of the United States! Use by law enforcement agents, postal inspectors, and informants is prohibited!"Business appears to be good: A reporter was told he was "caller No. 1,083,677" just before he was offered a menu of choices that included "Oral Sex," "Bestiality," "Nude Celebrities" and "Lolita Schoolgirls."

It's Glenwood's best-kept secret, but Trusted Information Systems has made a name for itself in the world of secrecy.Tucked behind some well-placed trees and a day-care center on Route 97, Stephen T. Walker's company is a pioneer in defending government agencies and corporations against hackers who use networks such as the Internet to invade computers and steal or destroy data.The 50-year-old former National Security Agency and Pentagon computer security expert started a one-man, home-based business in Warfield Estates in 1983.

Because I don't like airplanes, I drive on most trips. I've been coast to coast, border to border and lots of places in between. Most of the time, I need nothing more than a simple road map. Stay awake, watch the road signs, don't mess with big trucks and you can get anywhere.But I have just returned from a journey that left my eyes bugging, my head spinning and me being hopelessly lost.Don't flee. This is not a travel article about the price of motels between here and Florida.I have been bumbling around an eerie place you may have read or heard about.

SAN FRANCISCO -- The Clinton administration is about to announce a plan to preserve privacy in electronic communications, including telephone calls and electronic mail, while also ensuring the government's right to eavesdrop for law enforcement and national security reasons.New technology will be installed in some government communications networks within weeks or months and could be available for business and even household use before the end of the year. It will use a new system of encoding voice and computer transmissions to prevent unauthorized listening.

WASHINGTON -- Ask investigators to name the best government computer systems and long silences are likely to follow. Ask for horror stories and the response is rapid.What follows are some of the worst cases cited by computer experts at the General Accounting Office, the House Government Operations Committee and agency inspectors general:* The Veterans Benefit Administration, concerned about taking an average of 151 days to decide whether a veteran was disabled, spent $94 million on a computer system to speed up claims.

SAN FRANCISCO -- The Clinton administration is about to announce a plan to preserve privacy in electronic communications, including telephone calls and electronic mail, while also ensuring the government's right to eavesdrop for law enforcement and national security reasons.New technology will be installed in some government communications networks within weeks or months and could be available for business and even household use before the end of the year. It will use a new system of encoding voice and computer transmissions to prevent unauthorized listening.

Atlanta -- Imagine a giant ravine. You sit at the keyboard of your personal computer on one side. Across the chasm are experts with the answers to almost all your questions.The trouble is, you can't hear what they say.That's because these experts can only be reached on the electronic networks, called bulletin board systems, that link computers over regular telephone lines. But crossing over is easy with almost any PC and a modem, the device that connects it to a telephone line.Once you accomplish that technological feat, whether you connect to a commercial service such as Prodigy or a local free bulletin board, you're ready to belong to an extended family.

What a way to remember a Renaissance master! On Friday, computer experts say, an act of vandalism comes to light on the terminals of personal computer users worldwide. A virus, a short, vicious program called "Michelangelo," named for the great Italian artist, is set to erase the programs and data files in permanent storage on the hard disks of IBM-compatible computers.What this virus does on its target date is to wipe everything from storage and write gibberish in its place, so the damaged files cannot be recovered even after they are gone.

After years of problems with the state's touch-screen voting system, Maryland has filed a claim to recover $8.5 million from the maker of the machines, Premier Election Solutions, Attorney General Douglas F. Gansler announced yesterday. The claim seeks costs the state incurred to correct security gaps in the voting system that were uncovered several years ago by independent investigations. The state has paid $90 million under a contract with Premier, formerly known as Diebold, since 2001.

Despite warnings from three computer experts -- including two hired by the state -- about widespread security vulnerabilities in a new electronic voting system, Maryland's top elections administrator said yesterday that she sees no reason for concern about proceeding with the planned statewide use of voting machines. Linda H. Lamone testified in Anne Arundel County Circuit Court that some of the experts' recommendations are unworkable, unnecessary and illegal. A voters group is trying to force Lamone's elections department to implement recommended security fixes before the November election.

IF YOU'VE BEEN worrying about this Y2K computer problem, you can relax. I am pleased to report that, according to computer experts, everything is totally under control. There is absolutely nothing to worry about. In fact, you might as well stop reading this article right now!I said, there is nothing to worry about and you should stop reading this column right now.OK, good. We have gotten rid of the idiots who still actually believe the news media. We are down to the savvy individuals like you -- people who know, from personal experience, that nothing involving computers is ever "under control"; people who have attempted to perform some seemingly simple computer-related task, such as connecting a computer to a printer, and eventually decided -- after weeks of puzzling over manuals written in the Ewok language and trying to communicate with "Technical Support" -- that the only workable printing solution is to hold a piece of blank paper in front of the computer screen and trace the words manually.

It just didn't add up.Technicians at U.S. West, the Denver-based telephone company, couldn't understand last May why directory-assistance computers were grinding away for minutes to find phone numbers when they normally needed seconds. At one point, the slowdown even threatened to shutter the company's Phoenix service center. What was going on?Alarmed that hackers were afoot, U.S. West scrambled its Intrusion Response Team. The squad of computer experts combed through the company's labyrinthine computer network and found a mysterious software program running on more than 2,500 machines.

NEW YORK -- Amateur Action, a computer bulletin board that advertises itself as "the nastiest place on Earth!," was still open for business yesterday despite the conviction of its owners last year on charges of transmitting obscene material over computer networks.The only change appears to be a warning that greets all callers: "Amateur Action BBS is for the private use of the citizens of the United States! Use by law enforcement agents, postal inspectors, and informants is prohibited!"Business appears to be good: A reporter was told he was "caller No. 1,083,677" just before he was offered a menu of choices that included "Oral Sex," "Bestiality," "Nude Celebrities" and "Lolita Schoolgirls."

It's Glenwood's best-kept secret, but Trusted Information Systems has made a name for itself in the world of secrecy.Tucked behind some well-placed trees and a day-care center on Route 97, Stephen T. Walker's company is a pioneer in defending government agencies and corporations against hackers who use networks such as the Internet to invade computers and steal or destroy data.The 50-year-old former National Security Agency and Pentagon computer security expert started a one-man, home-based business in Warfield Estates in 1983.

Because I don't like airplanes, I drive on most trips. I've been coast to coast, border to border and lots of places in between. Most of the time, I need nothing more than a simple road map. Stay awake, watch the road signs, don't mess with big trucks and you can get anywhere.But I have just returned from a journey that left my eyes bugging, my head spinning and me being hopelessly lost.Don't flee. This is not a travel article about the price of motels between here and Florida.I have been bumbling around an eerie place you may have read or heard about.

SAN FRANCISCO -- The Clinton administration is about to announce a plan to preserve privacy in electronic communications, including telephone calls and electronic mail, while also ensuring the government's right to eavesdrop for law enforcement and national security reasons.New technology will be installed in some government communications networks within weeks or months and could be available for business and even household use before the end of the year. It will use a new system of encoding voice and computer transmissions to prevent unauthorized listening.

SAN FRANCISCO -- The Clinton administration is about to announce a plan to preserve privacy in electronic communications, including telephone calls and electronic mail, while also ensuring the government's right to eavesdrop for law enforcement and national security reasons.New technology will be installed in some government communications networks within weeks or months and could be available for business and even household use before the end of the year. It will use a new system of encoding voice and computer transmissions to prevent unauthorized listening.

WASHINGTON -- Ask investigators to name the best government computer systems and long silences are likely to follow. Ask for horror stories and the response is rapid.What follows are some of the worst cases cited by computer experts at the General Accounting Office, the House Government Operations Committee and agency inspectors general:* The Veterans Benefit Administration, concerned about taking an average of 151 days to decide whether a veteran was disabled, spent $94 million on a computer system to speed up claims.