Blah

When asked about the strength and reputation of the Atlantic Coast Conference, coaches throughout the league typically use "parity" and "competitive" as commonly as others say "please" and "thank you." There are facts, though, that at least one ACC coach found inexplicable: Since 2001, the ACC is 2-27 against nonconference opponents ranked in the top 10 in the Associated Press poll. The past seven ACC champions have lost their bowl games. "That," Maryland coach Ralph Friedgen said, "I can't explain."

Let me begin by emphasizing that I have nothing but respect for our friends in local TV news, who do a bang-up job bringing us breaking stories, weather and sports, along with the obligatory shocking videos of a bear jumping over the side of a bridge and a precocious 6-year-old taking the family sedan out for a spin. Oh, I'm hooked on all four stations. I love the palpable sense of excitement in the ABC2 News Storm Center when the forecast is dicey; the panoramic shots from WJZ's Sky Eye Chopper 13 piloted by Capt.

IF YOU STOPPED by this space for a laugh or two today, sorry, it ain't going to happen. The truth is, it's hard to think of anything other than Littleton, Colo., where two nuts armed to the teeth walked into their high school, turned it into a battlefield and left more than a dozen people dead.So forgive me, but today I'm not much interested in laughs. Today, I'm trying to figure out what to tell my kids about all these school shootings.What I want to know is, when did the script change? -- that's you kiss your kids in the morning and send them off to school, and then they come home in the afternoon and smile or frown and tell you about their day. That's the way it's supposed to happen.

Jeremy Piven ("Ellen") plays a guy in modern-day Chicago who claims to be Cupid, god of love. He says he got temporarily bounced from Olympus and needs to put 100 couples together in the Windy City before he can get back in.Paula Marshall ("Spin City") plays the lady shrink who is called in to check him out. She thinks he's a nutcase, but she's kind of attracted to him -- you know, the way Maddie was attracted to the nutcase named David on "Moonlighting."Give ABC credit: this is not your standard sitcom premise.

When the rest of the world is laughing at the "Seinfeld" finale May 14, you'll want to be in on the jokes. If you're not familiar with Jerry-speak, here's a quick guide to help you figure out what's so funny:Yada, yada, yada: Sort of like "and so on," but with an edge. Much easier to say "yada, yada, yada" than to finish a conversation, or even a thought. The Seinfeldian answer to "blah, blah, blah."Master of your domain: Refers to sexual self-gratification (strictly speaking, it's one who abstains from same)

I SAW the best minds of my generationAddled by the hype, sucked into the white-hot vortex of twisted modern thought that says each cup of java we drink must be this Great Experience.This flowering of the senses, this imperceptible awakening of the taste buds andBlah, Blah, Blah.But not me, brother.I don't want your cappuccino, or your frappuccino, either.Don't want your mocha or espresso.Don't want your latte or Guatemala Antigua.Ain't interested in no House Blend.I just want a cup of coffee.

Just the other day, Nailah Shami's ex hung up on her. They had been civilly discussing their daughter Esprit's middle school graduation, but when the topic turned to her child-support check, communication ceased."

IT'S 9: 10 IN the morning when the phone rings and it's some woman named Robin trying to interest me in a Shell MasterCard.This is the latest alarming development from the ever-annoying subculture of telephone solicitors.It used to be that these people would only annoy you at dinner time.Then they expanded their hours of annoyance from roughly 6 p.m. to 10 p.m.Now they annoy you all day long, from the time you bite into that first English muffin to the time you fall asleep with Leno or Letterman.

HALLOWEEN is almost here, that magical evening when children go door-to-door extorting candy from their jittery elders. For you young people out to make the big score, here are some eternal truths about the art of trick-or-treating:No matter how elaborate or realistic-looking your costume, you will inevitably encounter an adult who will cock his head to one side like a confused Labrador retriever and ask: "And what are you supposed to be?'Don't take this personally. Don't bark: "Let's see, raggedy black dress, pointy black hat, broomstick, hook nose ... I'm one of the Spice Girls, OK?

Peter Angelos has chased off three managers in 49 months of owning the Orioles, which means he'll probably can Davey Johnson's replacement in March 1999.Johnson's replacement's replacement is probably a 50-50 shot to survive the end of the millennium.Don't laugh.If there is a lesson to learn from Johnson's resignation, it's that Angelos will never be satisfied with a manager.The Orioles will always be caught up in -- and dragged down by -- these controversies as long as Angelos owns the team.

Do you feel uninspired at work? Do you have more frequent blah moments? Do you count the minutes until lunch break or until you can leave the office? With job cuts resulting in increasing workload and stress, it is any surprise you're feeling unmotivated? But don't expect to get re-energized from your boss or the company because, let's face it, it seems everyone is struggling. You have the power to take control and change your attitude. Here is some advice from Kathy Bovard, coordinator of the human resources development graduate program at McDaniel College in Westminster, on how to find your work mojo again.

My favorite moment in Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor's confirmation hearings was when Judge Sotomayor spoke earnestly about being inspired by a particular episode of the classic TV series Perry Mason. Newly installed Minnesota Sen. Al Franken leaned into his microphone and deadpanned: "What was the one case in Perry Mason that [District Attorney Hamilton] Burger won?" His satire was so subtle, even Judge Sotomayor seemed caught off guard, addressing his question at first seriously and succinctly.

Today we compare various tourist attractions in Nashville with those in Baltimore. Please. It's not even close. NASHVILLE Grand Ole Opry Over-hyped country music mecca responsible for steady rise in hearing damage throughout region. Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum Ho-hum repository of guitars, rhinestone outfits, cowboys boots, etc., plus usual photos of Hank Williams, Patsy Cline, blah, blah, blah. Nashville Zoo Bleak 200 acres populated with freezing, desperate-looking animals.

How's your diet doing this holiday season? Not so well? Neither is Oprah Winfrey's. In case you haven't heard, Oprah has gotten hefty again and gone public about it. In the January issue of O magazine, you'll never guess who's on the cover. Give up? OK, it's Oprah! Again! The talk-show diva says she's "fallen off the wagon" with her eating habits and now weighs 200 pounds. She says she's gained 40 pounds in the past two years. And she's "embarrassed" and "upset" by it. "How did I let this happen again?"

As for the nattering negativists who will surely say this is a dumb idea, that it will never work, that Baltimore will never get this and never get that - well, blah, blah, blah. We've heard it all before. Mr. Grumpy-Gills really should treat himself to the big picture sometime. I know. It's hard. You've grown accustomed to thinking weenie and being cynical. After all, that's part of our national culture, and the condition has long been acute here in Baltimore, where the only thing we've had to "celebrate" lately was the Orioles' win in the World Series - 25 years ago. But, really, the many of you who think small, and who make a hobby of ridiculing Baltimore and taking glee at the city's flaws, you who today think building a big, new arena on the site of our old, dumpy-but-still-bookin'-dates one is a foolish idea - you really need to get out more.

If you ever feel like bragging about the old car in your driveway that has 200,000 miles on the odometer, still runs great, doesn't have a dent and blah, blah, blah, make sure not to do it around Bill and Miriam Hyde. See, the Hydes have an old-car story that will blow yours out of the water. In fact, it'll blow just about any old-car story out of the water. Because theirs is about a snazzy 1958 Chevrolet Biscayne two-door sedan with 450,000 miles that has taken them on 44 sightseeing trips all across the U.S. and Canada and still runs like a top, owing to the fact that Bill, a retired engineer, can fix anything short of a Trident submarine.

Anne Hathaway came early onto the red carpet and ended up the bellwether of the night's top trends - brilliant red, hanging from just one shoulder and topped with a charming, easygoing ponytail. "She had it all going," said US Weekly style director Sasha Charnin Morrison of the actress, who wore Marchesa. "She was like a triple threat." At the 80th annual Academy Awards, the red carpet gave glamour-starved Hollywood watchers what they've been waiting out the writers' strike for - elegance and star-shine.

Outside the Cockeysville school where I voted yesterday, there were more campaign signs for Ron Paul than anyone else, so many you'd think the Free State had suddenly awakened from a long sleep with this collective thought: The only one who can get us out of this mess is Ron Paul. There were no signs for the heavy-hitters in the presidential primary: Clinton, Obama, McCain, or even the pastor-populist Mike Huckabee. But Ron Paul, the tweedy little guy that the rest of the Republican candidates treated like an eccentric uncle during the debates - There, there, Ron, you're getting excited again - was huge here.

It's that time again. Every four years it creeps up on me like a colonoscopy: the presidential election. Campaign season produces symptoms in me that are similar to the medical examination: I can't eat, I feel as if I'm being hit from behind, and I need anesthesia to get me through it. Fear of polyps is nothing compared with fear of politics. Yes, I know - I am supposed to be grateful we are a free nation that enjoys such trappings of liberty. But I still dread it. What difference can it make who becomes president when I can't believe what any of them say?

Let me begin by emphasizing that I have nothing but respect for our friends in local TV news, who do a bang-up job bringing us breaking stories, weather and sports, along with the obligatory shocking videos of a bear jumping over the side of a bridge and a precocious 6-year-old taking the family sedan out for a spin. Oh, I'm hooked on all four stations. I love the palpable sense of excitement in the ABC2 News Storm Center when the forecast is dicey; the panoramic shots from WJZ's Sky Eye Chopper 13 piloted by Capt.