Big Hair

Come down and join the festivities, hon. Probably Baltimore's most unusual celebration, the HonFest, is today in Hampden."Big hair, bowling shirts, Lycra and leopard prints are always encouraged," says Denise Whiting, owner of Cafe Hon restaurant and an organizer of the sixth-annual tribute to hair spray-toting, frosted blue eye shadow-wearing divas who have mastered that unmistakable Baltimorean (or Bawlmerean) style, right down to the accent.The HonFest -- sponsored by Cafe Hon, Hometown Girl and Oh, Said Rose -- will run from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m., and will feature a workshop on big hair, book signings by local authors such as Bert Smith ("Down the Ocean: Postcards From Maryland and Delaware Beaches")

Oh, the '80s. Madonna. Mix tapes. Top Gun. Shoulder pads. Big hair. Ferris Bueller. Prince and The Revolution (pre-weird symbol). The DeLorean. Smurfs. If you were too young or too dweeby to take it to the max back then, some small part of you wishes you could turn back time and find a way to relive that decadent decade. This is your ticket. From food and clothes to cartoons and concerts, this is the recipe for an everything-'80s weekend. Take these tips straight-up or put your own spin on them -- just don't get too wrapped up. "We can't actually become the '80s," said TV personality Mo Rocca, who appeared on VH1's I Love the 80s and I Love the 80s Strikes Back.

First came the shoulder pads, then the resurgence of Bon Jovi. Now the '80s comeback can be deemed complete with the reported revival of big hair. Don't worry about enduring Aqua Net-coated helmet head, however. Today's take on big hair is more tousled and fluid, less done. To get it, try products like Bumble and bumble's Thickening Shampoo and Thickening Conditioner followed by a shot or two of the company's Thickening Spray. The line makes fine hair fuller without sacrificing movement.

In Baltimore, where women's hairstyles often are considered works of art, Joann Johnson was a master artist and pioneer at creating "big hair" through hair weaving.Ms. Johnson, who died Sunday of cardiac arrest at University of Maryland Medical Center at age 44, was one of the city's first hairstylists to weave human hair into existing hair to create long, fuller hairstyles."She could do any style that anyone wanted," said Cherice Townes, a friend and hairstylist who worked with Ms. Johnson in the early 1980s at Mr. Ray's Hair Weave shop on West Cold Spring Lane in West Baltimore.

Virtually mistake-proofA change of hairstyle can mean expense, hair anxiety and a risk of looking goofy until regrowth occurs. But now the computer age has addressed these problems with the Cosmopolitan Virtual Makeover. It's a SegaSoft CD-ROM that allows women to see themselves in hundreds of different styles and colors without touching a follicle on their heads.Working with her own photograph, a woman can screen hairstyles, colors, highlights, eyebrow shapes and makeup tints on her home computer.

SAN FRANCISCO -- It seems like a century ago we had that other interminable trial of the century.My wife was glued to every word of Marcia Clark and Johnnie Cochran. She watched gloves fail to fit and a jury acquit.She hasn't been following the current trial of the century at all. "I don't do politics," she said. "I do lurid."Debby is representative of the American people, unlike her husband, who is fascinated at watching the ship of state go down with more idiocy and pomposity than James Cameron put into his doomed ocean liner.

A girl's best friend?Victoria's Secret promoters must be going for the Guinness record for the most expensive silly gift of the season. They're offering a $3 million Miracle Bra with diamond trim and a 42-carat pear-shaped solitaire suspended center cleavage. The stones are from the prestigious house of Harry Winston. Important diamonds often come with a curse, and we sympathize with the woman whose man would feel the need to purchase such a gift.However, $20,000 for two tickets to attend the unveiling of Victoria Secret's next collection (and the preview party)

Creating a distraction Keith Groller Morning Call Nice move by Andrew Bynum. With 76ers fans frustrated that the savior who was going to lead the franchise back to the days of Moses is out until January, Bynum has distracted them with his new 'do. After all, who can hate Captain Kangaroo? Bynum beware. Bizarre hair did nothing to soften Don King's image as someone who would shave his mother's head if he could make a buck. The worst? Troy Polamalu, because while others like Dennis Rodman needed their hair for hype, Polamalu has become more famous for his locks than his licks on the field.

I AM SO TIRED I BARELY HAVE THE energy to write this. For the last three nights I've been up, unable to sleep, just worried sick about two friends who were undergoing corrective cosmetic procedures over the weekend. I should be seeing them both any minute now when they show up for work, and I don't mind telling you that I'm nervous as all heck.I mean, the potential for disaster is great. What if they look so different I don't recognize them? Excuse me, Miss. But you can't sit there, that desk is already taken by someone.

By conservative estimate, the 1980s have been hanging around for 30 years, though it feels much, much longer. Sure, the World War II era was hot for a while. And more recently, a revival of fashion from the early 1960s caused a stir. But for reasons that remain mysterious to those who lived through that era, the Me Decade has stubbornly refused to go out of style. For evidence, skeptics need look no farther than the Baltimore Museum of Art 's current exhibit, " Andy Warhol: the Last Decade," which covers the years leading up to the artist's death in 1987.