Accordion

It was Alfred Zeller, a native of Stuttgart, Germany, an accordion player and certified ladies' man at 82, who had the vision. A few years ago, Zeller stopped at the Edelweiss Bakery and Cafe on Harford Road, about two blocks from his North Baltimore home, and spotted a fellow countryman behind the counter. Owner Dietrich Paul was serving up treats like schnitzel and springerle in the small Parkville shop that make the mouth of anyone who professes German ancestry water.

Helen M. Huebel of Parkville requested an Accordion Treat Cookies recipe. She said she had "scoured cookbooks and papers. [They are] very tender cookies and the batter was poured into accordion-pleated aluminum foil to bake." From Kathy Catlin of Severn came the chosen response. She wrote: "Many years ago, this was the recipe used for a National Grange cooking contest. My mother made it then, and I have kept the recipe." Accordion-Pleated Cookies Makes 4 dozen cookies 1/4 cup butter, softened 3/4 cup granulated sugar 2 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 1/4 cups sifted flour 1/2 cup chopped nuts, if desired heavy-duty aluminum foil confectioners' sugar, optional Cream the butter.

We were visiting friends at their cabin on the shores of a beautiful lake when a horrible screeching sound began emanating from the house next door.At first it sounded like an animal in distress, or a large appliance being dragged across a linoleum floor.Then I felt a familiar shiver run through me and a dull ache near my temples as I recognized the source of the noise."That's Justin playing the accordion," said our hostess, in an apologetic tone. "His mother makes him practice every day at 3."

Paul Margolis dropped in on the weekly gathering of our songwriters group in the back room of a Fells Point bar not long ago and we did what we do to all newcomers: We passed him the guitar and asked if he had a song. Shy, and apologizing upfront for what was to follow, he played a tune he had just written called "Song From Jail." It came out tender and haunting, his clear, mellow voice enhanced by a subtle, understated guitar style. Our jaws scraped the floor long before he was finished.

BEFORE I GET to today's topic ("Worms Making News"), I want to apologize to those readers, both human and elf, who were unhappy with my column on The Lord of the Rings. It turns out that my readership includes some very serious fans of the movie and the classic book by the late J.R. "Scooter" Tolkien. Many of these fans took time out from their busy schedules to write lengthy letters detailing the errors in my column, and observing that I am a stupid idiot. Here are some of the specific points they made (I am not making these points up)

Rufus Harley, 70, who was billed as "the world's first jazz bagpiper" and emitted his haunting sounds alongside some of the greats of jazz, died of prostate cancer Aug. 1 in Philadelphia, his hometown. Although he fully acknowledged that "everybody thought I was crazy" when he turned to bagpipes in the early 1960s, he became a frequent sideman on records and in concerts with saxophonists like Sonny Rollins, John Coltrane, Dexter Gordon and Sonny Stitt, with the trumpeter Dizzy Gillespie and with the flutist Herbie Mann.

There are several things I don't like, and have never liked from the world of entertainment: clowns (I never thought they were funny), accordion music, and people who play the accordion, and finally -- board games like Bingo.If only I had a nickel for every game of Candy Land I have played with my grandchildren, I would be so rich I could give every accordion player in a restaurant 50 bucks to serenade another table.And, I hate Bingo. When I turned 7, I received a game for my birthday, I wanted a tennis racket.

There are blogs galore devoted solely to specific material objects: Cars, electronics, computers and the like. Most focus on the newest, most advanced versions of the products. But not Retrothing (retrothing.com). Specializing in vintage technology, the blog revels in the quirky inventions of days gone by. For those who thrill at the novelty of Super 8 cameras, the warm scratchiness of vinyl records or the joyful camp of voice-controlled plastic robots, Retrothing is an ever-expanding bounty.

UNTIL RECENTLY, I was convinced that the most annoying musical instrument on earth was the accordion.Even in the hands of an accomplished player, the accordion sounds like a refrigerator being dragged across a cement floor.Let's face it, there are only about a dozen people in the entire country who enjoy accordion music, and they are mostly shut-ins, sociopaths and members of weird religious cults.Think of the accordion and you think of a doughy man in lederhosen and feathered Alpine hat screeching through "Lady of Spain" at the Sausage Queen Festival while everyone winces.