'Dancing With the Stars' recap: Lolo told to Gogo

September 17, 2014|By Amy Watts | For The Baltimore Sun

Thanks to a DVR issue, I missed the first 13 minutes of the recording. The first thing I find out is that Betsey Johnson and Tony Dovolani are the first couple in jeopardy.

Then we get a montage of the female contestants explaining why they came on the show. It has annoying on-screen graphics. Still not in love with the new showrunner's ideas. Today I was relieved to find out that I wasn't the only one who thought the direction on last night's show was atrocious, with random cutaways, accidental shots of the crew, and poor time management that meant all the judges didn't get to speak.

The encore dance is Alfonso Ribiero and Witney Carson. Funny story about this song: When my mom was growing up, she and her brother and sister would always ask their dad to tell them a bedtime story. He always, always started with, "Three, six, nine, the goose drank wine, the monkey chewed tobacco on the telephone line." The kids would wail in protest because this was the only story he would ever tell them. I had no idea it was also a song. Although this version, sampling a version of the old standard, would probably flummox my Papaw.

Following footage from last night, Michael Waltrip & Emma Slater, Janel Parrish and Val Chmerkovskiy and Randy Couture and Karina Smirnoff are on stage to get their results. Janel and Val and Randy and Karina are safe; Michael and Emma are in jeopardy.

Now the male dancers get the montage with horrible graphics treatment. We get to meet Tommy Chong's wife, who's looking pretty fit. Randy mentions his "softer side" again after it was emphasized several times last night. What is he, Sears?

New pro Keo Motsepe mugs for the camera while Erin Andrew interviews Lolo Jones. I'd ding him for it but I have no interest in what she's saying.

Smokey Robinson is here to promote his new album of duets so he and Aloe Blacc are paired up for "My Girl." Smokey's still got the voice, y'all. And is wearing dashing green velvet blazer. Aloe is wearing a hat indoors, of which I do not approve. Mark Ballas and Witney Carson are dancing on the ballroom floor while Smokey & Aloe trade verses up on the stage.

The last montage of last night's performances is the top four scorers from last night so that's: Alfonso and Witney, Bethany Mota and Derek Hough, Lea Thompson and Artem Chigventseg, and Sadie Robertson and Mark Ballas. Highlights: Alfonso tells Witney he almost started crying hearing the judges' comments. Artem let Lea know right before they performed that he was wearing his purple Calvin Kleins.

Well, rats. Lea & Artem are in jeopardy. I have to hope they're the fake couple that isn't really one of the lowest scoring couples but just thrown in to shake things up.

After a brief taped introduction to the three new pros, Allison, Keo, and Artem, we get a number featuring them. I momentarily lose my ability to use words because of shirtless Keo. He's got a powerful combination of cute face and hot body.

Over the commercial break, we the audience voted by Twitter to see one of the pro's audition tapes. So here's baby Derek Hough from 2006. It looks like he taped it in a hotel room. He's adorably awkward.

Apparently, Erin was supposed to be interviewing Bethany, Alfonso & Sadie but she's actually backstage with Betsey, Tavis, and Lolo. She's such a pro, though, that she quickly vamps with the three of them and Betsey wants to take off her corset. Oh my.

As Tom throws to the next montage, he has no idea what he's introducing. THAT'S IT. That's the FINAL straw. This new showrunner is making Tom Bergeron look like an idiot and that WILL NOT STAND.

It turns out to be footage of Jonathan Bennett & Allison Holker, Keo Motsepe & Lolo Jones, and Tommy Chong & Peta Murgatroyd from last night. Highlights: Jonathan refers to one of the other couples as "Mark and duck girl." He's not being malicious, just obviously didn't remember Sadie's name. Lolo's disastrous performance narrated by Bruno pointing out her mistakes live and then Tommy remarking in the balcony, "This is going to be brutal." Hearing Peta loudly shout the 8-count to Tommy at the beginning of his routine and telling him when to slide.

Tommy & Peta are safe. Lolo & Keo are in jeopardy. Keo can't help but laugh with resignation at the unsurprising results. Jonathan & Allison are safe and he loses his mind with joy.

Final results: Lea and Artem are safe. Michael & Emma are safe. So, we're losing one of the two couples that had disastrous routines last night. That only seems fair. I'm torn - Lolo has more potential and I'd like to see more Keo but Betsey seems way more fun Whoa! It's Lolo out in Week 1. Lolo very graciously says that Betsey didn't deserve to go home for the prop malfunction with the boa and adds that her terrible routine was due to her missing a cue.

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