'True Blood' season premiere recap, 'Jesus Gonna Be Here'

June 23, 2014|By Lauren McEwen | For The Baltimore Sun

The final season of "True Blood" is here, and after three seasons of definite misses, only the most devoted of fans (or those of us who feel a compulsion to complete things) are here. Let’s dive right in, since the show does.

The Set-Up

Sick vampires are running amuck in Bon Temps, an unfortunate side effect of the hep V-poisoned "True Blood" from last season. The federal government is only really protecting major cities, making towns like
Bon Temps easy pickings for the “Hep Vs.” The first 2.5 minutes of the season opener is a giant fight scene at Mayor Sam Merlotte’s (!) mixer, where healthy vampires where supposed to pair with willing humans, feeding on them exclusively in exchange for protection from the infected vamps. Why they couldn’t have the party in a large, private home? Your guess is as good as mine.

In the aftermath of the attack, Jason rattles off a list of the humans taken by the Hep Vs: Holly, Arlene and Jane Bodehouse. Sam’s pregnant girlfriend, Nicole, was also taken.  Sam and Alcide both shifted and are already running after the “Hep Vs.”

Tara’s mom, Lettie Mae, is wailing with dead vampire all over her. It’s supposedly Tara, killed by the Hep Vs while protecting her mom. But … no way is Tara actually dead, right? You can’t just kill off the best friend of the show’s main character off-screen. You just can’t.

Jason calls Andy, because there’s still a Bon Temps Police Department, remember? He orders Adilyn to stay inside, and Jessica, who is standing sentinel outside, still feeling guilty for killing all of Adilyn’s fairy sisters, promises to protect her. Andy reminds Adilyn not to invite Jessica in, no matter what. He also roughly breaks the news about Tara. (This is the worst fake-out ever. Tara is obviously not dead, because we didn’t see her die. Comic book rules apply here.)

The massacre’s aftermath

Everyone has moved into Bellefleur’s (formerly, Merlotte’s) to tend to the wounded. Sookie picks this time to telepathically tap into people’s minds. It’s basically, “Blah blah, Sookie Stackhouse is a vampire whore. Blah, blah this is all her fault.” We get it, guys.

Sookie has loved carelessly/stupidly in the past and the people of Bon Temps are kind of bigots. Not that feeling sorry for Sookie is in my wheelhouse. At all.

The unfortunate part is that Sookie overhears Alcide thinking pretty much the same thing. Also, Alcide’s new haircut? Hey, boo. I missed you.

Bill, Andy and the rest of the men hatch a plan to track down the Hep V’s nest.

Jessica and Adilyn

Jessica calls James, so that we can be reminded that they are dating and she’s on a hunger strike because she feels guilty about eating Adilyn’s sisters. She and Adilyn are managing to get along a bit, though. The half-fairy teen rolls down one of the Bellefleur mansion’s windows and they talk boys (Adilyn’s still dating Holly’s son, Wade) and Tara, who is so not-dead I can’t even care.

Trouble arises in the form of a Hep V who sniffs out Adilyn’s fairy blood. Jessica vamp-zooms into the middle of the yard and refuses to leave until the Hep V does, or she will kill him. The pull of fairy blood is too strong, and they stand there until sunrise. A panicked Adilyn invites Jessica in, and she manages to restrain herself, speeding off to hide in the Bellefleur attic.

Alcide and Sookie

For as long as some of us have wanted Sookie and Alcide to happen, I’m worried that it is going to be her most annoying relationship, yet. Or maybe it’s that Sookie has officially annoyed me past caring about what happens to her. Which is never a good idea for a main character, especially one on a show with a death count as high as this one. You have to care about the characters in order to be emotionally invested
in whether or not they get ripped open.

Anyway, after hearing Alcide’s thoughts, Sookie decides to walk home. Alone. At night. After a Hep V attack. When he calls her, she throws away her cell phone (It is the most awkward throw in TV history), and
then ends up stumbling over a dead body, because it wouldn’t be an episode without Sookie face planting, at least once. She makes it home safely. Alcide returns. They fight and have make-up sex. Blah.

Pam in Marrakesh

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