'Dancing with the Stars' recap, The final four dance-off

  • Bill Engvall, Emma Slater and Tom Bergeron on Monday night's "Dancing with the Stars."
Bill Engvall, Emma Slater and Tom Bergeron on Monday night's… (Adam Taylor / ABC )
November 26, 2013|Amy Watts | For The Baltimore Sun

This is our last week of DWTS this fall. Tonight, we'll lose one couple at the end of the show; tomorrow night, the champion will be declared.

The show starts with a very dramatic entry set to Avicii's "Wake Me Up." C'mon, you guys, never forget you're a cheesy dancing show. This feels like a results show from past seasons, particularly when we start with a live performance from Kellie Pickler. After that, the stars enter to a remix (or maybe a live version by the house band) of Martin Solveig's "Hello." That song always cheers me up.

There will be three rounds of competition tonight -- whoof, I'm tired just thinking about that. Can't imagine them dancing it.

Bill Engvall & Emma Slater

Cha cha cha

Bill calls Emma his new "fake daughter." Aw, sweet. The judges picked the Viennese Waltz for them; Len is the judge who visits them in the studio. Len's looking really dapper in a dark v-neck sweater with a bright pink tie showing underneath.

Emma's embraced the unfortunate red-carpet trend of bathing suit/leotard under sheer skirt. Bleech. It's a pretty dance, but Bill still doesn't belong here in the finals, if dance ability is the primary qualification.

Hey, it's Bruno's birthday! Happy birthday, you crazy Italian. Bruno tells Bill his timing is not a "Swiss watch," but that everybody can't be a Rolex, some people have to be a Timex. Tom quips, "Well, there goes one of our sponsors."

Carrie Ann spells it out that he's nowhere near the other finalists in dancing talent.  She calls him the "people's choice." And that's kind of true, but if the judges aren't going to score accurately, they have no one but themselves to blame when bad dancers stick around. (Unless, of course, the producers are influencing the scores.)

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann: 8; Len: 8; Bruno: 8

Corbin Bleu & Karina Smirnoff

Quickstep

Corbin's worried about this judges' choice because the quickstep is one of the dances Len found too frantic when he danced it previously. Luckily, Len is in the studio for the rehearsals.

The routine starts with a seriously fake looking sepia filter. THIS ISN'T INSTAGRAM, ABC. Corbin is dressed like A Film Director From Days Gone By, complete with knee-high boots and breeches. It's interesting how much the boots highlight his footwork, which I'm not sure is as sharp as it should be. Also, I'm afraid Len is going to ding this one as being too frantic.

Len says they did calm it down a little bit, but that Corbin had problems with his left arm. When the crowd boos, Len looks bewildered -- all he did was mention a little arm issue. Bruno points out that they went out of sync.

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann: 9; Len: 9; Bruno: 9

That's a one-point improvement from the last time they did quickstep.

Jack Osbourne & Cheryl Burke

Jive

They get a visit from Bruno, who's wearing cowboy boots and a shirt that's unbuttoned halfway down his chest. Never change, Tonioli. Jack is practicing in suspenders, so I can only imagine that's going to be part of the choreography.

Ooohkay. They're dancing to a jive-y bluegrass-y version of Canned Heat's "Going Up the Country." It's bizarre. Jack seems perhaps a little TOO invested in his suspenders, constantly trying to hook his thumbs in them, which stilts some of his arm movements.  They finish the dance by running up the big staircase, which sort of seems like a cheat to me, choreography-wise.

Tom asks Jack why he's making a face and Jack says it's because the judges are making a face. Bruno is sad that Jack had some slip-ups and lost the timing throughout much of the routine. Carrie Ann says they should have just left Jack alone on the jive, because this was nowhere near as good as the jive he did before.

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann: 8; Len: 8;  Bruno: 8

Amber Riley & Derek Hough

Charleston

This is a weird modern remix of a Charleston-ish song. Two things: I love how Amber is a plus-size woman and is still killing it out there. Secondly, I'm relieved that someone finally got her a knee brace that matches her skin tone better than the black brace.

Carrie Ann liked it so much she came out to hug Amber as soon as she was done. Bruno calls it "high voltage" and says her footwork was "sharp as a razor blade."

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann: 10; Len: 10; Bruno: 10

Kellie Pickler gets 40 seconds to say what she wants about the finalists. She shows more personality and charm in those 40 seconds than Brooke has in all her seasons on the show combined.

"TLC" is here for the "Samba Relay" round. I have to put TLC in quotes because it's not really TLC without Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes.

Round Two: Samba Relay

First place will get five points, second place four points, third place three points, and last place rwo points. They draw lots to see what order they'll dance in.

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