'Dancing with the Stars' recap: Cher!

  • Cher belts one out on "Dancing with the Stars."
Cher belts one out on "Dancing with the Stars." (Adam Taylor / ABC )
November 05, 2013|Amy Watts | For The Baltimore Sun

CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER! CHER!

I'm kind of excited about the guest judge tonight.

Cher starts the show singing "Believe" high up in the air on a lighted pedestal. This is just and right, as Cher is above us mere mortals and we are lucky when she lowers herself to our level. Also, she's 67 years old and the bosoms are high, as is the hemline. LOVE HER.

The cameramen are clearly beside themselves over Cher, as the introductory walk-ons are completely botched camera-wise.

There will be two rounds tonight, the regular dances and some sort of dance-off challenge that Brooke's explaining. I'll wait until later in the show, when Tom explains it so I can understand it.

Corbin Bleu & Karina Smirnoff

Argentine tango

The first night of rehearsal, Corbin has to tend to a problem on the movie he's producing, so he has no say in choreography. The next night, he keeps getting distracted by movie problems.

Before their dance, Corbin and Karina are standing with Tom. Tom jokes that Karina's wig makes her look like the mirrorball melted on her head.

Cher is introduced as guest judge and everybody stands up. Nice gesture, but they should really be bowing down instead.

Carrie Ann says he brought his A game and that the lifts "took her breath away." Bruno says it was fantastic but that some of the passes were not as clean as they could have been. Cher says it was "amazing." I'm slightly concerned about Cher being too nice. Let 'er rip, girl.

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann: 9; Cher: 9; Bruno: 9

Leah Remini & Tony Dovolani

Viennese Waltz

They're re-creating the Sonny and Cher "meet cute" at a coffee shop.  It's sweet, not overwhelming.

Bruno has issues with her frame in the hold. Carrie Ann thinks she was behind the music a lot. Cher thought it was sweet and liked the reference to her personal history with Sonny.

Tom lets Cher know that if Bruno invades her personal space, she should let them know. Cher calmly replies that she'll just knee him. Tom says he'd pay to see that and I would too.

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann: 8; Cher: 9; Bruno: 8

Brant Daugherty & Peta Murgatroyd

Foxtrot

Peta is sporting a perplexing caftan/bikini hybrid. I spend a lot of their routine trying to figure out how to improve the garment and my only conclusion is, BURN IT.

Carrie Ann says Brant has great star quality and that he's growing as the competition continues. She wants him to watch his knees, as they turn-in sometimes. Bruno flirts with Brant, who takes it in stride -- attaboy. When it comes to the dancing, Bruno wants Brant to refine his moves from here on out.

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann: 9; Cher: 9; Bruno: 9

Elizabeth Berkley Lauren & Val Chmerkovskiy

Jazz

Val & Elizabeth had a song picked out, with costume and choreography arranged. But then Elizabeth found out "Bang Bang" was available, so they switched songs.

Look, I would kill to have a body that looks like Elizabeth's, but this lace catsuit she's wearing is terribly unflattering. I think it's a combination of the pattern and the boots she's paired with it. There's also a lift near the end that's awkward and makes her look ungainly and too heavy for Val to sling around.

Cher says something in her commentary that we in the home audience don't get to hear. I wish I was a better lip reader.

Bruno loses his mind and it seems to infect Cher. But he gathers himself to say that sometimes the musicality was a bit off. Carrie Ann thinks the performance was one-dimensional.

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann: 8; Cher: 9; Bruno: 8

Bill Engvall & Emma Slater

Disco

Bill admits he was shocked that Nicole went home instead of him ;ast week, but he makes the valid point that he's improving as the show goes on. We like our stars who seem to throw themselves into things wholeheartedly.

The routine is crazy, with lots of silly lifts. Bruno says he was gagging with laughter. Carrie Ann says Bill "just makes [her] day better" despite being off the beat. Cher says she was amazed that Bill could "get her up in all those positions." Bill says, "It's the little blue pill." SCANDALOUS!

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann: 8; Cher: 8; Bruno: 8

Jack Osbourne & Cheryl Burke

Tango

My roommate comments that Jack "looks terrified" at the beginning of the routine. That's what the judges were telling him last week about needing more confidence.

Carrie Ann says he looks more confident. So, what do we now? Cher says it was great -- he looks like a pimp. This is apparently a good thing. Bruno clarifies that the tango is all about the pimp and the hooker. OOOhhh-kay. He then goes on to call it a classic tango.

Judges' Scores: Carrie Ann: 9; Cher: 9; Bruno: 9

Amber Riley & Derek Hough

Rumba

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