'The Bachelorette' recap, Week 5: Worst date ever in Germany

  • Drew (left) and Desiree share a kiss in Germany.
Drew (left) and Desiree share a kiss in Germany. (Nick Ray / ABC )
June 25, 2013|By Denise Weiss

Worst date ever!

Welcome to Week 5. The remaining “however many” guys pack their bags, don their best hoodies and head to Munich, Germany. I know it’s Week 5, but I still can’t tell the guys apart and don’t really know their names. 

The men arrive and are greeted by Chris Harrison, who tells them that there are three dates this week — a one-on-one, a group date and the dreaded two-on-one. The guys head to the hotel, find the date card and Chris butchers the German language as he reads the card aloud. He is excited despite having no idea what the card says. At least it was better than Kasey’s attempt to speak German  #IwillhappilyinGermanykissyou. In case you didn’t know, this is Des’ first time in Europe. 

Chris’s One-on-One

Des and Chris hit the streets of Munich armed with a map and a camera crew.  They eat sausage, ask street vendors stupid questions and try on lederhosen which makes Chris look like Pinocchio with a 5 o’clock shadow.  They take to the streets again, stumble across some street musicians and dance to polka music.  They are having an amazing time, and Chris says “I don’t think anything can go wrong.”  Uh oh.  Those words are the perfect date kiss of death.   

Meanwhile, back at the hotel room, Bryden tells the guys that he has decided to go home, and he must interrupt Des’s date with Chris RIGHT NOW so that he can break up with her. In an attempt to locate Des IMMEDIATELY, Bryden randomly walks up to people on the street and asks them if they have seen a television camera crew. My guess is that it would have been easier for Bryden to turn around to the camera crew who was taping him looking for Des and ask where Des and Chris were, but stopping strangers on the street made for more dramatic television. 

Bryden finally stumbles upon Chris and Des dancing in town square.  After watching them dance for a while, Bryden finally makes his presence known and asks Chris for permission to interrupt the date.   Bryden sits Des down, and tells her that since he has fulfilled his life long dream of flying to Germany with 10 of his special “girlfriends,” he no longer has any use for her and is going home.  The camera pans to two pigeons whose relationship is more exciting than Des and Bryden’s (or Des and anyone else for that matter).  It’s a real shame that Bryden is going home just when Michael figured out the perfect amount of gel for Bryden’s hair. Bye bye, Bryden: Don’t let the wienerschnitzel hit you on the way out!

Des questions whether the remaining guys are here for the right reason, but she is determined that Bryden’s leaving will not affect her date with Chris. She does a good job of hiding her disappointment, except for all the crying and mascara running down her face. 

After some reassurance and beer chugging, Chris and Des head out for a romantic dinner.  Chris is the relationship guy, and says he is ready to start family and build a life.  Des trusts Chris, because, you know, they have known each other for so long. #eyeroll

Lucky for us, Chris was bored on the plane and wrote another poem. The poem makes me throw up a little in my mouth, but Des digs it and Chris gets a big kiss and a rose. Des and Chris are then surprised by yet another private freaking concert. EHH-NUFF with the lame private concerts already.

Group Date

The group date card arrives and asks Juan Pablo, James, Drew, Zak, Kasey, Brooks and Mikey to “climb the highest mountain.”  This means that Michael and Ben will be on the two-on-one date. Shocking how that played out, huh? 

Ben feels bad for Michael because he believes that he has a stronger connection with Des. Michael finds the two-on-one with Ben repulsive but plans on accepting the challenge to show Des that Ben is a fraud.   Michael, who remember is a Federal Prosecutor, is going to use this “gladiator style setting” to murder Ben. I don’t know which is more disturbing — the murder reference or the fact that Michael thinks he is Spartacus.  

Back on the group date, Des and the boys hop in a gondola, travel to the highest mountain peak in Germany and marvel at the beauty of the top of the trees and fog. When they finally break through the clouds, the view is majestic until it was interrupted by old yeller’s cousin, old yodeler. After failing miserably at learning to yodel, Des and the boys slide down the mountain on tiny little sleds and basically pile up onto each other. Then they have the mandatory "Bachelorette" snowball fight. 

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