'Real Housewives of Orange County' recap, Evil eyes and evil faces

  • Heather and Tamara get their photo taken.
Heather and Tamara get their photo taken. (Bravo )
April 09, 2013|By Steven Eliopoulos

We start off with Vicki's highly anticipated arrival to Heather's clam bake, and the tension between the women could not be any more awkward.

Gretchen and Tamra worry about how to approach Vicki about her controversial face "tweaking." Heather, of course, plays Switzerland and is happy for Vicki and her personal life decisions.

Gentlemen, take notes on Terry's philosophical advice on women: "Asking a woman if they've had plastic surgery is like asking your wife if she's gained weight ... you just don't do it."

You can, however, tell women that they appear to have lost weight. Vicki's response to his weight loss comment was "12." That was a MASSIVE double chin Vicki had if she honestly dropped 12 pounds since the last time we all saw her.

RHOC Drinking Game: Take a sip every time Tamra announces that she owns 51 percent of her and Eddie's fitness business. Trust me. You will be wasted before you know it. She once again reminds us that she is Eddie's boss and sends him away to deal with the gym permits at a city council meeting. Sorry Eddie, no clams for you!

As the final guests arrive to the Dubrow home, Heather assigns everyone to their designated majestic king chairs and puts Tamra directly across from Vicki and her unconditioned hair. In Eddie's absence, the group drills Tamra on her wedding date and claims they are focusing on getting the new business up and running before they start planning the wedding. Damn priorities. Her excuse then becomes "my fiance won't give me the date." Girl, please. If you are truly the "boss" in the relationship you will choose the date!

The food finally arrives. Gretchen doesn't understand how to eat the lobster so "fancy pants" Heather tries to give proper etiquette on lobster dining. Gretchen, between trying to make your own cup of coffee last week and now trying to eat dinner by yourself this week, all I can say is thank god you're pretty.

Heather's elegant Lobster Leg Eating 101 advice? "Chew, chew, chew out and it will cum in your mouth." Ms. Barney seemed to be a pro at it. I don't think she needs any help in that department.

RHOC Drinking Game: Drink every time you hear the words "onion rings." In the past two episodes between Terry, Vicki and Heather, I have been falling off my sofa. The excessive onion ring banter has made me never want to eat, see or hear "onion ring" again. Thank god it wasn't crab cakes that Terry wanted to accompany the lobster.

The notorious "B" word is brought up yet again at the dinner party -- Brooks. Even though they are still madly in love, Vicki needs a timeout with him and says they are in a good place but are taking a step back. Tamra and Gretchen chime in this time asking questions about Vicki and her relationship with Brooks.

Is Tamra really always giving the "evil eye" or is that just her natural face? Vicki seems to think the infamous glare is directed toward her once again causing an argument to break out among the ladies. Turmoil between Vicki and Tamra's decaying relationship is brought up which causes Tamra to break down and cry. Being the voice of reason, Heather talks some sense into Tamra who later rejoins the others at dinner.

Alexis and her husband Jim have a romantic date night and take dance lessons. While she is no Lisa Vanderpump on "Dancing with the Stars," Alexis has a fun-filled evening with Jim after sharing some personal and financial struggles they have encountered in the past several years.

Heather serves coffee and "Costco" desserts downstairs when Tamra gets the text from Eddie stating that the permits for the gym were approved. All the women, including Vicki, congratulate Tamra on officially being the owner of a fitness studio. Wanting to work out their differences, Tamra and Vicki literally lock themselves in the wine cellar where feelings are expressed, tears are shed, memories are shared and AN APOLOGY is given!

On the limo ride home, Gretchen continues feeding Tamra's head with opinions about Vicki which puts Tamra between a rock and a hard place. She feels that she is being forced to choose between becoming friends with Vicki and losing Gretchen or keeping things as is.

Alexis shows off her soon-to-open indoor trampoline park that she and Jim are opening. All the random business ventures they are a part of are boosting Jim's confidence, or so Alexis says. Does jumping around all day on a trampoline really make a grown man more secure?  While we laugh at the trampoline aerobics, Alexis is going to "laugh all the way to the bank."

Gretchen shows up unexpectedly to see Slade at work -- something she has never been able to do before. Leave it to Slade to be the buzz kill though. He mentions a hypothetical situation that is blatantly Vicki and her recent controversial surgery live ON AIR on his mind-numbing radio show. Hasn't he already done enough damage?

The episode ends with a closer look at little baby Troy who is such a bundle of joy and with Eddie advising Tamra to avoid the drama and stay away from the evil Vicki.

Phrase of the Week: "Let's go hors d'oeuvre it." I love how Gretchen made hors d'oeuvre a verb. Next clam bake you go to, make sure you use that phrase.

Next Week: Gretchen prepares to "pop" kids out, we finally meet the already-annoying new housewife Lydia, and Vicki invites Alexis to Tamara's gym grand opening party.

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