'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' recap, Lisa finally gets her vow-renewal ceremony

March 26, 2013|Lauren McEwen, For The Baltimore Sun

Today, I present to you a recap of the "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" season 3 finale/reunion special (part 1). It's like a super RHOBH recap. And I am nothing if not immensely proud of myself for getting through this entire thing without throwing my Mac across the room.

Why? Because of good ol' Adrienne, as freaking usual. My parents taught me to have compassion, but I just can't with Adrienne, apparently. Even as I was watching the preview, I didn't feel anything besides annoyance. Why would you bring all of your drama to Ken and Lisa's vow-renewal ceremony? Why does everything this season have to be about Adrienne?

Even the episodes that she refused to appear on, for one reason or another, all devolved into huge discussions about who she was beefing with, how much money she really has, blah, blah, blah. In fact, the first teaser I saw from the reunion was Andy Cohen, talking about Adrienne being absent from the reunion special.

Anyway, I’m getting completely off track. Let us begin with the season finale. We pick back up at Lisa and Ken’s party, right after Faye has stuck her decidedly unladylike nose into Marisa and Brandi’s conversation. I don’t have the heart to re-summarize what all of this nonsense is about, so kindly take a peak at last week’s recap if you can’t remember.

Yolanda and Brandi simply cannot believe she would 1. Interrupt their (chill) conversation with Marisa to start drama. 2. Do so at Lisa’s party. 3. Blame Brandi for Paul and Adrienne’s separation. What is the point of Faye on this show? Just to be as stereotypically catty and diabolical as possible?

And aside from the fact that this concept of being a “lady” is total outdated, limiting and misogynistic, this is coming from the woman who wrote a book and posed for Playboy after testifying in the trial to find her best friend’s killer? (Honey, we didn’t forget.) She gets to call Brandi trashy?

Lisa obviously comes over to find out exactly what’s going on to ruin her function. They clue her in on it all, and naturally she and Yolanda are both livid. Perhaps to remind us that she was once awesome, too, Marisa comes over and finishes her conversation with Brandi. Initially, she tries to excuse Faye’s behavior, saying Faye came over to back her up, but Yolanda squashes that lie. Faye only butted into their conversation to trash Brandi.

Long story short: Brandi shouldn’t worry herself over Marisa’s marital whatever, and Marisa should come to Brandi to discuss issues with Brandi. All seems well, but Brandi is curious to know which one of the women said she’d sleep with anyone, including a married man. Of course, that was good ol’ Faye.

Taylor’s across the room with Linda, and has picked this time to tell her friend that she’s had difficulty being cool with Yolanda because Linda was Yolanda’s husband, David. Head hurt yet? Linda has moved on, and seems to get along with Yolanda and David quite well. Taylor finally lets go of this made-up beef with Yolanda, and I’m so glad. Taylor is nowhere near ready to take that woman on.

Then Faye actually starts a fight with Lisa AT HER SUPER CUTE VOW-RENEWAL/HOUSEWARMING PARTY. Kick her all the way out of your house, Lisa, and let the swans chase her all the way home.

Faye accuses Lisa of treating Brandi like an attack dog of sorts, using Brandi to handle all of her problems with the other women. To which I say, girl bye. Lisa’s soooo right. Faye is spreading malicious gossip, even though she was so appalled when Brandi spread a rumor about Adrienne.

Besides, never have I ever witnessed Brandi picking a fight with someone on this show because Lisa told her to. If anything, Brandi’s previous feuds with Kyle, Kim and Taylor were ALL her own.

In fact, at the beginning of this season, Lisa was telling Brandi how to stay OUT of trouble, ‘member? It was right before the party at Villa Rosa that Adrienne was so pissed she wasn’t invited to that she sent that “floral arrangement.” Plus, as Lisa and Yolanda point out, Faye’s acted as Kyle’s attack dog ALL SEASON.

And now that she feels like she’s losing, Faye is “bored” by it all. Instead of throwing Faye’s trifling behind out by her weave, Lisa picks this time to challenge Kyle’s loyalty. She wants Kyle to back her up in an argument, just this once.

Of course, Kyle fails miserably. Not sure what Kyle wants from Lisa at this point. Kyle’s jealous of Lisa’s friendship with Brandi, and yet she cannot bring herself to y’know, ACTUALLY BE A FRIEND TO LISA. (Obviously, I’m going to be typing in all caps a lot tonight. My apologies. I’m emotional.)

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