'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' recap, Paris Hilton and other ghosts

  • Attention: 2003 called. It wants its celebrities back.
Attention: 2003 called. It wants its celebrities back. (Bravo )
January 22, 2013|By Lauren McEwen

We pick things up at Kyle's Morrocan dinner party with Mauricio continuing to go in on Brandi.

After Brandi finally tells Mauricio to go eff off, Kyle jumps in and whispers to Mauricio to back off. In her confessional, Kyle tells all: "You can't control what comes out of that girl's mouth." It's annoying because Mauricio was definitely berating Brandi for about 30 minutes. People have limits.

Kyle tries to gloss over it all, making it clear she didn't want Brandi to be attacked tonight and explaining that Mauricio's tight with Adrienne, so he felt compelled to insert himself into the drama.

Brandi isn't hearing it. She wants to make it very clear that this is about more than her. She's a single mom now and fighting a lawsuit against a couple of insanely wealthy people is not going to help make getting food on the table any easier.

After Brandi skips out to the bathroom, Kim, one of our other resident single mothers, basically says that Brandi has to learn to think of her children's wellbeing before running off at the mouth. And a frustrated Kyle (thankfully) gives up playing pseudo-peace maker.

Taylor feels like she's been through more than everyone there, which annoys Yolanda because she feels like Taylor constantly circles the conversation back to her favorite topic: Taylor. But Taylor refuses to accept any criticism from Yolanda, with her perfect life and children and her multimillion-dollar home. Yeah, you kind of lose your right to chastise others for venting about their struggles when you have an entire orchard growing behind your house just because you like lemons.

Camille (who I am liking a little more every episode she abstains from making jokes about Kelsey Grammer's penis) wisely tells Taylor that Yolanda may have problems none of them know of. Taylor, intent on being catty reminds Camille that they know more about Yolanda's husband, David, than Yolanda thinks they do. Like Yolanda isn't sitting all of five feet away.

Yolanda and Lisa both go check on Brandi. She is tired of fighting the entire group, and Yolanda believes the men should stay out of it altogether. It's between Adrienne and Brandi, simple. Lisa's right, when Brandi loses control of her temper, she loses the ability to get her point across.

Outside, they're still talking reckless. Kim believes that Brandi has this dark side to her, and that's why she's constantly beefing with some cast member or another. Mauricio, because he's on a jerk-faced roll, tells Kim that's the first time they've agreed on anything in years. A drunk Taylor cackles away, and Kyle's just happy someone agreed on something for the night.

As Brandi's getting ready to leave, Mauricio comes over and mansplains that it's "nothing personal" but a "matter of principle." Cool story, bro.

Brandi tries to take the higher road, for once, accepting Mauricio's not-apology and advising him to learn both sides of the story before he opens his mouth.

Ugh. More time with Kyle and Mauricio. I'm really done with them this week. Oh great, Adrienne and Paul are back from their "break from Brandi's toxicity," as Adrienne puts it. Where exactly was all of this self-righteousness when she was pressed for Lisa's forgiveness?

Kyle immediately brings up the Brandi thing. Adrienne thinks Brandi went too far, bringing their family into the drama. Of course, Mauricio brags on his unflinching loyalty to Adrienne. *hands Mauricio a cookie*

Adrienne claims she'd rather move on, and have Brandi come to her directly if she had an issue with her. To be clear, she is saying this AFTER SHE ALREADY FILED A LAWSUIT. The time for sending flowers and singing "Kumbaya" is over, honey.

Yolanda's still cool with her ex, Mohamed, apparently, and still helps him with the interior design in the homes he builds.

I do like that she helped the workers unload the flowers from the back of the truck. When she's not dropping names, Yolanda is all class.

I think I finally figured out Yolanda's end game. She's angling for Martha Stewart's spot, y'all. I'm talking cookbooks, a show on TLC and a line of cookware at Walmart. Has to be. There have been too many shots of her gardening, etc.

And now she's managed to work a story about her immigration struggles into the storyline! She chastises a worker who doesn't speak English well about learning the language. When she moved here, she only knew a few words, but practiced every night until she became fluent.

Mind you, this entire monologue is in English, so dude probably understood all of nothing. But the story has that successful-immigrant-makes-good-in-America thing to it that we all eat up, and the camera got it all. How much do you want to bet that Yolanda's branding scheme includes releasing an autobiography? Whatever. I'd read it.

Oooh Kim's house is haunted, which adds a cool "Celebrity Ghost Stories" spin on things. The medium tells her these are the spirits of her future grandchildren plus, a woman who watches over her -- but it isn't her mother.

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