'Dancing With the Stars All-Stars' recap, Country night, ya'll

  • During their rehearsal last week for the group dance, Shawn was goofing around with Serena and hurt her knee. Uh-oh.
During their rehearsal last week for the group dance, Shawn… (ABC )
October 30, 2012|By Amy Watts

It's "Country Night," which is not my thing at all. If I know more than one of the songs tonight I'll be impressed with myself. I gave up on country music right around 1984.

The night starts with a group dance by the troupe to a live performance by Little Big Town of that pontoon song. Pontoon is a word that makes me giggle. One of these women clearly took a picture of Glenn Close from "Fatal Attraction" into her hairdresser and said, "Give me this." Bunnies, watch out.

Tom introduces the cast by calling them "Y'all Stars" -- no, Tom, no. Don't make me not love you. As they pan across the couples gathered on the dance floor, Gilles and Peta stick out like a sore thumb because of their costumes; Gilles is in a sheer shirt with a v-neck that's closer to his navel than his collarbone and Peta is in a top hat and satin jacket -- not at all country.

So, our scores from last week that are carrying over to tonight:

Sabrina & Louis:  58.5

Gilles & Peta: 56.5

Melissa & Tony: 56.5

Shawn & Derek: 56.5

Apolo & Karina: 56.5

Emmitt & Cheryl: 56

Kirstie & Maks: 52.5

Kelly & Val: 51.5

Gilles Marini & Peta Murgatroyd

Ok, the costumes I mentioned earlier make more sense when it's revealed they're dancing to Shania Twain's "Man, I Feel Like a Woman." This is what happened to country in the '90s, y'all.

Gilles points out that Peta was born in New Zealand and he was born in France, and this might prove problematic for country week. Peta asks him if he can play a cowboy and he replies, "If I don't open my mouth."

Len likes his "attack" even though he had "loose legs." Bruno says he has no idea what country that was, but all is forgiven because of the vinyl pants. I love how Bruno has given up all objectivity with respect to Gilles and is just a googly mess.

Carrie Ann thanks Gilles for helping her to her feet when she fell out of her chair last week. She liked the dance a lot but wants to give him "constructive criticism" about his hands. She's trying to describe it when Gilles acknowledges his "T-Rex hands" which is the perfect description.

Gilles gives his shoutout to the East Coast and those dealing with the storm, acknowledging that he hopes they can entertain them during this scary time. See, that's a thing I like about Gilles: he knows exactly the level of importance to assign to a celebrity dancing show.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 9; Len: 9; Bruno: 9.5

I think that extra half point from Bruno was for the pants.

Sabrina Bryan & Louis Van Amstel

Oh yay. It's a rumba. A rumba to country music. I'm not sure you could design a dance I'm less likely to enjoy.  Sabrina talks about a relationship that damaged her in the interview.

Sabrina's wearing the requisite rumba bedsheet. I'm only surprised it's not gingham. Ooh, there's a move where Sabrina's supposed to come through Louis' legs from the back and she comes perilously close to getting stuck.

Bruno says the figures she did were absolutely stunning. Sabrina and Louis are both holding back tears because of the emotion of the dance. Carrie Ann has her come over for a hug and then she praises her for showing such vulnerability. Len liked the content of her solo.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 10; Len: 10; Bruno: 10

So they didn't see the awkward through the legs move that I did. I guess their vision was clouded by tears. But, dear reader, I have a cold, black heart and I saw clearly.

Kelly Monaco & Val Chmerkovskiy

Kelly is hitting what Linda Holmes called "killer fatigue" -- she's just so worn out things aren't making sense anymore.

I tend to like a little more smoothness in my foxtrots -- this feels a little herky-jerky. But it matches the song, so ... The routine ends with a big dip and a loooong smooch.

Carrie Ann says it was a big comeback from last week and calls her the most exciting contestant. Len says it was hectic, but they kept it under control. Bruno says a lot of things that basically mean he likes it and then tells her to watch her "top line."

Scores: Carrie Ann: 9; Len: 9; Bruno: 9

Those were good scores, but with her low total from last week, I'm worried.

Brooke says something about them maybe earning more points later in the group dance. More points?!! This is way too much math for a liberal arts major.

Melissa Rycroft & Tony Dovolani

Melissa has limited mobility this week because of the injury to her neck less than two weeks ago. But Tony reckons the Viennese waltz will be good for them because it will be fairly gentle on her neck.

It's a graceful, fluid dance, but the lighting is so dark I have a hard time seeing everything. Maybe it's supposed to be like that?

Len stands and applauds them, which makes them giddy. Bruno calls her solo "exquisite" and compares Melissa to Cyd Charisse, which, come on now. Carrie Ann compliments her beautiful lines and says Melissa isn't "dancing out enough," a point with which Len and Bruno both vehemently disagree. By the end of it, Bruno and Carrie Ann are both standing to argue their point. Don't make Tom pull this ballroom over.

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