'Dancing With the Stars All-Stars' recap, Welcoming back some old favorites

It starts off with "business" at the beginning which will probably get right up Len's nose. C'mon, Tony, you have to cut that stuff out -- you should know this by now. I'm also betting at least one of the judges, probably Len, will want it to have been more of a traditional foxtrot. The crowd loved it, though. Carrie Ann points out the Fosse roots of the song and the routine. She liked Melissa lines but then harps on wanting more body contact. Len says it was "a little bit theatrical" for him. Told ya. Bruno calls her extensions "vertiginous" -- nice fancy word there, Mr. Tonioli.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 7; Len: 7; Bruno: 7.

Apolo Anton Ohno & Karina Smirnoff

Cha-cha

It would be assault, right, if I held Apolo down and got rid of that nastiness on his chin? Apolo and Karina are in neon and have glowstick bracelets on. But if you're doing the cha cha to "Party Rock Anthem" I guess it makes a certain amount of sense. Oooh, was that a lift? Is Carrie Ann going to be on Lift Patrol already? Len says it was more a bronze, than a gold, medal performance; needed more hip action, but he sold the routine. Bruno liked his arm extensions, but needed better placement of the weight on his foot. Carrie Ann has a crush on Apolo, and can mostly only talk about how sexy he is.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 7.5; Len: 7; Bruno: 7.5

Gilles Marini & Peta Murgatroyd

Foxtrot

Yay! Gilles! He's probably the one I'm most rooting for, if for no other reason than he's on one of my favorite underrated shows, "Switched at Birth." (Seriously, if you're not watching it, you totally should be. It's terrific.) Even Gilles' boogie moves at the end of his intro make me laugh. Gilles feels like he has amazing chemistry with Peta. Oh, dear. There's a little bit of "business" at the beginning of this one too. Will these pros never learn???

Bruno says it was "technically so good" and then asks, "Can I see it again?" Carrie Ann says with some heart, "I miss you," and calls it "poetic and gorgeous." Len liked the mix of steps and the sophistication. If this isn't the high score so far, I'll be shocked.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 8 ; Len 8;  Bruno: 8.

Which Brooke announces as the high score of the evening. I'm psychic.

Bristol Palin & Mark Ballas

Cha-cha

It's so handy that they've put my least favorite candidate with my least favorite pro. Can do all my hating in one handy package. Bristol does seem less timid than she did in the clips they showed. She still can't dance for beans, though. I mean, compare her legs to what we saw on Sabrina earlier.

Carrie Ann votes her "most improved" and calls her legs "beautiful" but says she needs more "pop" when she hits her lines. Len talks about her increased confidence, and then criticizes her arms. Bruno wants her to find "power and focus."

Scores: Carrie Ann: 6.5; Len: 6.5; Bruno: 6.5

That's fair. Better than Pamela, which she was, but near the bottom, which she also was.

Drew Lachey & Anna Trebunskaya

Foxtrot

I'd forgotten that Anna was the female half of the runner-up couple the season Drew won. I like Anna a lot -- she's one of my favorite of the pros. She says she's being tough on Drew because she thinks he's got the talent. This is a very traditional foxtrot, with a lot of moves in hold, which I think will go over very well with the judges. Oh! In one of their apart moments, they kick up their heels and it looks like Drew almost bit it, but he didn't and his smile never faltered. Way to go!

Len complains about the boobirds but goes on to say that it was too hard-hitting, needed softening up. Bruno likes the chemistry with Anna but warns Drew that there were times he did stiffen up. Carrie Ann remarks on his improved posture but cautions that the other judges were right -- he needs to watch out for being too rigid.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 7; Len: 7; Bruno: 7.5

Kelly Monaco & Val Chmerkovskiy

Cha-cha

Val uses the word "impactful" so I'm automatically agin' him. Kelly never had to do the cha-cha in the short first season that was only six weeks long. They have a funny moment discussing her petite frame and her, um, endowments. Whatever word Kelly used to describe them had to be bleeped. Heh. I might end up liking her more than I remember. She misses a step near the end, but recovers nicely. I think she'll be the contestant most likely to get the "improvement over this season" arc.  Bruno calls her a "stunner" but whatever advice he gives her about her legs is drowned out by the audience. Carrie Ann compliments their "insane chemistry" and warns her to "straighten her legs." Len compliments Val's choreography and warns Kelly about raising her shoulders.

During the post-dance interview, it's clear they're going to try to make Val and Kelly the "romance" of the season. Lame.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 7; Len: 7; Bruno: 7.5

Commenting on Val hiding behind Kelly during the interview, Tom notes "Anthropologists take note: We may have just seen the first sighting of a shy Chmerkovskiy." And that's why he won the Emmy. Love him.