'The Real Housewives of Miami' recap: Episode 1, Class warfare

  • L-R: Marysol Patton, Karent Sierra, Lisa Hochstein, Joanna Krupa, Alexia Echevarria, Ana Quincoces.
L-R: Marysol Patton, Karent Sierra, Lisa Hochstein, Joanna… (Charles Trainor/Bravo )
September 14, 2012|By Bailey O'Malia

"The Real Housewives of Miami," rather amazingly, manages to create class warfare between the rich and the equally rich.

The first episode of the second season introduces us to the usual cast of rich women: Ana, who shares a strangely functional relationship with her soon-to-be ex-husband; Karent, “dentist to the stars;” Lea, who thinks the only solution to the musty smell in her multi-million dollar mansion is to tear it down; Lisa, or the one with the big boobs; Joanna the model;  Adriana, who refuses to move onto a yacht without a baby grand piano; and Marysol, the one with the crazy mother.

Marysol’s mother, Elsa, is the star of episode.

Elsa is a psychic who relaxes by having her housekeeper sing to her. From losing her dog in the closet for a few days to fainting in the middle of a party she garnered the most attention.

But Elsa wasn’t the only source of drama.

The episode foreshadowed drama between new neighbors, Lea and Lisa.

Lea doesn’t seem thrilled about sharing “Star Island” with Lisa and her husband, also known as “the boob God.”

We were also introduced to a potential love triangle between Ana, Karent and Rodolfo—Karent’s soap-star boyfriend.

Karent says she trusts her boyfriend but Ana says Rodolfo approached her in a less than honorary manner. Meanwhile, Rodolfo is pretending to suffer from a case of amnesia (borrowing from your soap opera script, Rodolfo?).

The episode culminates with a montage of this season’s drama, and it appears we’ll be hearing our fair share of fights in a Cuban accent.

Only on an episode of "The Real Housewives of Miami":

•••• “I’m just going to smother the ribs on my dirty penis.” — Robert (Ana’s ex-husband)

•••• “He didn’t want people to associate my…uni-boob with his work.” — Lisa

•••• “Don’t do that, you’re gonna have diarrhea on the plane.” — Karrent

•••• “He met my butt before he met me…and then he said ‘Oh thank God her face matches her ass.’” — Lisa

•••• “You have to study for four years to be a pastor? How hard can it possibly be?” — Lisa

•••• “Are you looking to hire a first mate? Or just looking to mate?” — Adrian

•••• “I’m a gypsy at heart.” — Adriana

•••• “When the bullfighter gets the biggest win of the night he gets to eat his penis.” — Rodolfo

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