August 26, 2012|By Jordan Bartel, assistant editor, b
Then Salome is offed by Bill. And Bill turns into Milith. In grand "True Blood" tradition, I'm sure we'll delve into that immediately at the start of Season 6. The big question at the end of this is the question of who killed Sookie and Jason's parents. Will that drive Season 6? Or it will be all about running away from Milith?
THE BEST BIRTH EVER: About 75 percent of the season finale revolved around the Authority. And rightfully so. But the other major highlight was watching the birth of Maurella and Andy's half-fairy, half-human babies.
Yes, babies. Four of them. A fairy-human litter. And we learn fairies have major orgasms when giving birth. Like glass-breaking (literally) orgasms. "Who knew watching an alien give birth could be so comforting," Arlene says watching at Merlotte's (Maurella gives birth on a pool table) while downing some of Lafayette's special Cajun Margaritas (which I really want to try. Now).
"I can't believe I'm midwifing for your pregnant girlfriend -- who I just found out about," Holly says. She's now presumably Andy's former girlfriend, especially since these kids are now fully his responsibility.
"Take good care of them," Maurella says. "You sired them. Now it's your sacred duty to see that at least half of them survive into adulthood."
Fairies have some interesting traditions. But I'm not quite sure I really want Andy Bellefleur to be saddled with four babies next season. I can already see the diaper gags.
ALCIDE GOES AND ... SNOOOOOOZE: Look, I like the Alcide character, but why have I been wanting to fast-forward every time he appears on screen for the past few episodes?
After a quick almost romp with Sookie and dealing with the aftermath of Debbie Pelt's death, Alcide has been regulated to moping around his sad-sack father's place. The latest developments -- saving Rikki from a V overdose, finally standing up to packmaster JD and killing him -- are just as uninteresting.
Hey, "True Blood." Next season, give him something interesting to do in Season 6.
As Pam said, "Must all roads lead to f---ing Sookie?" Apparently so.
