August 23, 2012|By Mary Alice Fallon Yeskey
The pool party gets underway, bloody marys and mimosas are a-flowin’. Holly’s “150 closest friends” look exactly like you might imagine they would. Lots of sunglasses and bared midriffs.
Curtis introduces Holly to the other judges. James Oseland is practically giggling when he meets her.
James compliments all the party ladies on their swimsuits and then insists on some beach bum named Warren take his shirt off, to wild cheering. Clearly the summer heat and mimosas are getting to him as he continues to fondle Warren. Whoa, James! Easy there, tiger!
James tears himself away from the six-pack parade and the judges sit down to try all the dishes. While they’re discussing Art’s biscuits, Curtis compliments the ginger and garlic flavors, upon which Holly royally Kirks out. “There’s GARLIC? I said NO GARLIC!”. Her reaction is as if she had been served the heads of small children. She is deeply upset because the garlic will give her “dragon breath” and everyone will hate her.
Patricia’s pulled pork falls flat with everyone, including Holly. Chris’ watermelon with tuna bacon wins high praise from the critics but Holly loathes it.
Service is done, and there is an extraordinarily awkward push up competition between James and one of the shirtless bohunks.
The chefs take a breather by the pool and Art bravely strips down to his little green Speedo, as the others look on. He says that he knows he’s not a body builder but that he has successfully lost more than 100 pounds so he’s proud of his body. More power to him — you go, Art!
Critics’ table brings Lorena, Art, Takashi, and Kerry to the judges first with the favorite dishes. Krista Simmons raves about Lorena’s bunuelos being both “crispity” and “crunchity."
Lorena takes home the prize for her bunuelos. She is ecstatic and wins 10K for the Alliance of a Healthier Generation.
Thierry, Patricia, and Chris head over to face the music. Francis Lam tells Patricia that the party was full of beautiful buns, but hers was not one of them. Rimshot! He later describes the bun as “a puck of stale grody." The judges are really broadening their vocabulary tonight!
Thierry gets asked to go home — truly a bit of a shock as it seemed like Patricia was the clear loser. The show really won’t be the same without him, his comic moments were some of the best so far this season. Group hugs, the other chefs are clearly bummed out, especially Takashi. Au revoir, Thierry. Au revoir.
Next week: Dita von Teese talks about spanking and Lorena’s Latin temper comes flying down on Patrica. Ay caramba!
Have any crispity crunchity thoughts? Holler at me on Twitter @operatornumber9.
