How government 'solves' gas prices

February 29, 2012

So, gas is going up to $5 per gallon, probably more. Hey, this could be a real problem. In fact, it's a huge problem for the hard-working Americans, especially those in the lower middle class. We have to do something about it.

An example: Joe Doaks drives his SUV 20 miles one-way to work, 40 miles total. He gets 10 miles per gallon so he burns up four gallons just back-and-forth to work. At $5 per gallon, that's $20 and climbing. And he's not giving up his SUV.

The problem is, he only makes $10 an hour, no benefits, so he will be working two hours a day just to cover his transportation costs. Gee, he might do better laid off, collecting unemployment for 99 weeks, and after that, going on welfare. He needs help.

Hey, I know what. Let's give out gas stamps. Like food stamps. Yeah, we need another government program.

First, we need some "rubber stamp" broad legislation. Congress doesn't have to read it, just pass it. Then we need regulations. Yeah, lots of regulations. Who will qualify for the benefits? You have to factor in all kinds of stuff from type of vehicle to environmental impact. And, if course, you will need regulators to draft the regulations, and collect the data and confirm the regulations. Yeah, lots of regulators and supervisors for the regulators, and department heads over the supervisors, etc. Look at the good jobs we're generating. Hey, the cost of administrating the program can't be too far below the actual cost of the benefits. That would be un-American.

And what if Joe calls in sick and uses his stamps to go to Ocean City for the weekend? So what? He needs a vacation. In fact, he should get extra gas stamps for shopping, visiting, vacationing, etc. He's entitled.

Now, since we're forming a new agency or department, does it require a new cabinet secretary? Or should we put it under the U.S. Department of Transportation? Commerce? Labor? Let's appoint a blue-ribbon presidential committee to study the problem for a year and then make recommendations to the President. Meanwhile, keep it in the White House, and appoint a new czar to run it temporarily.

Another problem solved.

L. Bloom, Owings Mills

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