Learn to speak like Kristen Stewart

July 22, 2011|By Luke Broadwater

It's a busy Friday in the newsroom. So what are we doing? We're wasted time arguing about stupid stuff, of course. 

The topic of today's debate: Kristen ("K-Stew") Stewart and her relative worth to society. 

b music guru Wes Case misguidedly made up the sole member of the office's pro-Kristen Stewart faction. His reasoning? "She's a great actress. She has depth. She has star power. When she's on screen you want to watch her. Also, she smokes weed, which makes her one of us."

Assistant editor Jordan Bartel and I, however, failed to see Stewart's value in movies or, well, any other area of life. 

That was the case until I saw the below video. I now retract my previous statement and concede that K-Stew does have one skill that is undeniable: She can be a public-speaking coach. 

Now everyone can learn how to speak with pretentious, faux-introspective, riddled-with-insecurities mannerisms. 

Video is below (after an unnecessary amount of white space). 

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