The most epic political press statement of all-time?

May 20, 2011|By Luke Broadwater

In case you missed it yesterday, the campaign of Newt Gingrich sent out what's likely the most epic political press statement of all time. Gingrich press secretary Rick Tyler, clearly frustrated with media criticism of his candidate, sent to the Huffington Post the following statement replete with medieval imagery of hellfire and war. 

Here it is, in its entirety: 

“The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding,” Tyler wrote. “Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment’s cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.”

Last night, on "The Colbert Report," actor John Lithgow passionately read the statement, which earned chants of "USA" from the crowd and a salute from host Stephen Colbert. Many have been mocking Tyler's statement, but I think it's awesome. I wish all press releases could double as passages of "Lord of the Rings Mad Libs." 

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