Well played, Trump: Highlights from a fake campaign

May 16, 2011|By Luke Broadwater

Unfortunately, the fake campaign that consumed the media for several months has come to an end. Pretend GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump -- who we dubbed His Royal Pomposity -- bowed out gracefully *strike that* arrogantly, predicting that he would have won the presidency had he continued. 

"I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election," he said in a statement. 

Ultimately, the death knell was NBC's announcement this weekend that it would replace Trump on "The Celebrity Apprentice" if he ran for office. That was too much for The Donald to handle. But the real moment that marked the beginning of Trump's end was when President Barack Obama produced his long-form birth certificate. Up until that moment, Trump had been riding high in the polls on the fake issue of birtherism. After Obama obliterated that issue, Trump's poll numbers and the chances of his campaign plummeted. 

Oh, well. It was fun while it lasted and Trump left us with a lot of memories. 

Here are the Top 10 craziest moments from the fake Trump campaign. 

10) Claiming that Obama didn't write his book, "Dreams from My Father." 

9) Boasting that he would build one of the "great ballrooms of the world" in the White House. 

8) Boasting that he "screwed" Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi in a land deal. 

7) Threatening to start a trade war with China. 

6) Threatening to seize Libya's oil. 

5) Threatening to seize Iraq's oil. 

4) Praising himself after he was shown to be wildly wrong about Obama's birth certificate. 

3) Referring to African-Americans as "the blacks." 

2) Turning into a profane stand-up comic and dropping multiple "F-Bombs" as his campaign imploded. 

1) Turning humorless at the White House Correspondents Dinner as Obama and comedian Seth Meyers cracked jokes on him. 

Donald. Thanks for the memories. It's been a fun ride. We're sorry you had to exit so soon. 

Here's Trump's full statement on why he's not actually running, after all:

After considerable deliberation and reflection, I have decided not to pursue the office of the Presidency. This decision does not come easily or without regret; especially when my potential candidacy continues to be validated by ranking at the top of the Republican contenders in polls across the country. I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election. I have spent the past several months unofficially campaigning and recognize that running for public office cannot be done half heartedly. Ultimately, however, business is my greatest passion and I am not ready to leave the private sector.

I want to personally thank the millions of Americans who have joined the various Trump grassroots movements and written me letters and e-mails encouraging me to run. My gratitude for your faith and trust in me could never be expressed properly in words. So, I make you this promise: that I will continue to voice my opinions loudly and help to shape our politician’s thoughts.  My ability to bring important economic and foreign policy issues to the forefront of the national dialogue is perhaps my greatest asset and one of the most valuable services I can provide to this country.  I will continue to push our President and the country’s policy makers to address the dire challenges arising from our unsustainable debt structure and increasing lack of global competitiveness.  Issues, including getting tough on China and other countries that are methodically and systematically taking advantage of the United States, were seldom mentioned before I brought them to the forefront of the country’s conversation. They are now being debated vigorously. I will also continue to push for job creation, an initiative that should be this country’s top priority and something that I know a lot about. I will not shy away from expressing the opinions that so many of you share yet don’t have a medium through which to articulate.

I look forward to supporting the candidate who is the most qualified to help us tackle our country’s most important issues and am hopeful that, when this person emerges, he or she will have the courage to take on the challenges of the Office and be the agent of change that this country so desperately needs

Thank you and God Bless America!

Donald J. Trump

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