What ills can't more taxes solve?

As sure as the seasons change we are treated once again to enlightened explanations of new taxes that are guaranteed to save lives and enhance civilization. Yep, a ''dime-a-drink'' tax is the magic elixir endorsed by the Messrs. from Hopkins and Duke. Who knew it was so easy?

Why not double up to 20 cents and double the total of forever saved at risk-drinkers? While at it, lets tax everything deemed unhealthy and continue to tax until we eradicate all temptation.

While on this mission, lets double the tax on grant money given to distinguished university panels. Surely the floodgates of funds are on the way to those that can alter society's ills with such incisive logic. Perhaps these so-enlightened researchers can study the benefits of taxing arguments and disagreements and conflicts — think of how many lives could be saved by the power of humane taxation.

Edward Rutkowski