Protests may place parents in peril

Twitter rebellion may be coming to your house

February 24, 2011|Susan Reimer

As we watch rebellion roll through the Middle East and in Wisconsin — propelled by Facebook and Twitter — parents have to be wondering what their own kids are up to about now.

Considering the amount of time our children spend on their social networks — and how removed those conversations are from our prying eyes — they could be fomenting revolution right under our noses and we, like the oppressive oligarchs teetering all over the place, wouldn't know it until it was too late.

And our children certainly do have plenty of grievances that need addressing. Ask them. They will tell you.

Can you imagine what might happen if they created a Facebook page (apart from the one you made them "friend" you on so you could keep tabs on them) where they could plot against us using only their quick little thumbs?

What if, even as we speak, our kids are following an anonymous organizer on Twitter who calls himself @HomeAloneForever?

And as we have seen, if enough people adjourn to the town square and noisily demand that you resign and leave the country, your goose is pretty much cooked.

I can see it now. Math teachers who don't grade on the curve being bundled onto the next flight out of the country. Coaches who pencil their pets into the starting lineup forced to sneak away under cover of darkness.

And since we parents are guilty of no end of slights, unfairnesses and just plain stupidity in the eyes of our children, there would be no loyal troops to save us from an ignominious dash across the border.

I can see kids clogging the aisles of the grocery stores, demanding their mothers purchase more processed foods and fewer fresh fruits and vegetables. I can see them lining up outside movie theaters, chanting for the end of the "R" rating.

The Motor Vehicle Administration would be hounded into handing out driver's licenses like free coupons. Soda would be back in school vending machines in a heartbeat.

Lucky for us, the kids don't seem to realize they have us outnumbered, or how quickly they could organize themselves in huge numbers. It would mean an end to music lessons, braces and shots.

What if students agreed, like Wisconsin's Democratic legislators, that nobody would show up for finals, which are always scheduled for the finest spring day of the year? What if no one arrived at school until after 11 a.m., and later on Mondays?

Parents, have you read "Lord of the Flies"? You know, the book we require the kids read in high school? Better get yourself a copy.

We could promise to step down from our office as Parent for Life in favor of a one-man, one-vote family structure. We could follow the National Football League and promise to share revenue equally. We could end state-sponsored Sunday school. We could promise to negotiate for more video game time and larger allowances and a new car at 16.

But after all these years of watching us abuse our power as grown-ups, I am not sure the kids would be in much of a mood to hear our concessions.

I just want to know this: When the end comes for me, will I be able to keep all the money I have been stashing in that Swiss bank account all these years?

susan.reimer@baltsun.com

    Baltimore Sun Articles
    |
    |
    |
    Please note the green-lined linked article text has been applied commercially without any involvement from our newsroom editors, reporters or any other editorial staff.