For Bealefeld, Law And Order Meet Pitch And Meter

To those scenes

What I really want to know

Is what cretin did this

And how can we find him quickly

And get him in a pair of handcuffs

And send his tail to jail?

Bealefeld may not be the first public official to unwittingly create poetry whenever he opens his mouth. Most famously perhaps, there was former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, whose ruminative discourses at Pentagon news briefings prompted Slate magazine to compile a veritable treasury of his verses.

But while Rumsfeld's collection displays more of a Zen loopiness - the classic being his koan about known knowns, known unknowns and unknown unknowns - Bealefeld's oeuvre is edgier, coming from the gut rather than the head, pitched perfectly for a poetry slam.

And like the best poet laureates, he rises to whatever occasion he is called upon to comment, getting downright livid when two officers are shot by a "maniac," but more irked than outraged over a lesser criminal, as caught on a video that The Baltimore Sun shot in June when he confronted a guy helping himself to some water behind a Harborplace food court counter.

You don't get

To just walk in

And help yourself

So he wasn't happy

About having to use

Common courtesy

And basic respect

But you know

Sometimes

We have to enforce that too.

Usually, though, he saves his best for the worst - last month, when a gang rivalry led to gunfire in one of the Harborplace pavilions, Bealefeld unleashed his inner poet-as-sheriff and basically told the gangs to get outta Dodge. Here he is, shooting from the lip:

That's what I want

My cops to do

I want them to go up and say

Welcome to the harbor

Don't act like a jerk here

Leave all this gang stuff

At home

Or if you can't

Go back home

And we'll deal with you there

You don't get to act like

A fool here.