Crystal Ball Is Clearer In Hard Light Of Lost Season

August 29, 2009|By Peter Schmuck

News item: The Orioles entered Friday night's game on pace to win 66 games this season.

My take: I predicted 68 victories before the season started, so somebody's got to pay for this team's ridiculous underachievement.

News item: Michael Vick was 4-for-4 passing in his brief preseason debut for the Philadelphia Eagles on Thursday night against the Jacksonville Jaguars.

My take: It's bad enough the guy used to bankroll an illegal dogfighting ring. Now he's got to come back and out-debut Brett Favre?

Related news item: Vick got a standing ovation from the crowd at Lincoln Financial Field when he entered the game in the first quarter.

My take: Eagles fans were all set to boo him, but got confused when he wasn't dressed like Santa Claus.

News item: IndyCar driver Danica Patrick has yet to either confirm or deny rumors that she will pose nude in ESPN The Magazine's upcoming "Body Issue."

My take: I wish she would make up her mind. Those of us who only like auto racing for the crashes and the naked drivers would like to know for sure before plunking down $4.99 for The Mag in October.

News item: Former Ravens linebacker Bart Scott has reversed field after telling reporters Monday night that Rex Ryan was "the head coach of [the 2008 Ravens], whether you guys know it or not."

My take: I think a lot of people knew what Scott was trying to say after the preseason game between the Ravens and New York Jets at M&T Bank Stadium, but the controversy was fun while it lasted. The New York tabloids are going to love this guy.

News item: The NFL will allow the Dallas Cowboys to play the 2009 season in their new stadium without modifications, even though the video boards hang low enough to obstruct some punts.

My take: So, basically, the Cowboys spent $1 billion to build the football equivalent of Tropicana Field.

News item: Manager Dave Trembley and third base coach Juan Samuel lashed out at the Orioles for their fundamental shortcomings in an article published Thursday in The Baltimore Sun. Samuel went so far as to say some of the players on the O's roster do not belong in the major leagues.

My take: Like that's some kind of revelation. Some of these guys were barely in the minor leagues long enough to unpack their bags.

News item: Harold Baines will be formally inducted into the Orioles Hall of Fame on Saturday night at Camden Yards.

My take: Harold is a man of very few words, so - just for fun - see if you can hold your breath all the way through his acceptance speech.

News item: WWE star Rey Mysterio has been suspended for a violation of the company's Wellness Program.

My take: There isn't much to say here except, of course, that I'm disillusioned. Not because of Rey's shady history. I'm disillusioned that WWE would have such a wimpy name for its employee assistance program.

News item: In a stated effort to be more socially responsible, the Houston Texans have reduced the size of the $7.75 draft beer sold at Reliant Stadium from 24 ounces to 20 ounces.

My take: That's because they care.

Bonus take: Oh, by the way, because of these hard economic times, the Texans also announced that the smaller beer is only going to cost $7.75.

News item: The U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit ruled that federal investigators overstepped their search warrant when they confiscated the 104 positive drug tests that resulted from Major League Baseball's supposedly anonymous survey steroid testing in 2003.

My take: This is a big victory for the Major League Baseball Players Association. For Alex Rodriguez and David Ortiz? Not so much.

News item: The Florida Gators got 58 of the 60 first-place votes in the preseason Associated Press Top 25 college football poll.

My take: And Tim Tebow is so great, he is going to find out who cast those other two votes, go back in time and persuade them to make it unanimous.

Listen to Peter Schmuck weeknights at 6 on WBAL (1090 AM) and check out "The Schmuck Stops Here" at baltimoresun.com/schmuckblog.

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