But the group fun never rises to the proper explosive levels, mainly because Rust is so wrong as Denis Cooverman. He registers like an adult comic doing a skit about his clumsy teen years - you might think he should end up with the attractive school principal. Rust lacks spontaneity, invention and verve. He and Carpenter's awkwardly ingratiating Rich contrast too starkly with the three cheerleaders, who, as a team, click as smoothly as Vegas showgirls.
Columbus and Doyle jettison the manic interior monologues that drive the book. (Only fractions of them make it into Denis' halting, stop-and-go dialogue.) Do you remember when Tom Wolfe, in The Right Stuff, describes how test pilots run through a mental checklist in the seconds before they eject from a plane? Denis, who sees disaster at every corner, does the same thing, only haywire. He uses cascades of slang synonyms, mathematical equations, biological definitions and Klingon soliloquies to steady his nerves during impending doom.
Without some movie equivalent of this verbal Wrong Stuff, the comic burden rests on the nearly constant threat of Beth's jealous Army boyfriend and two service buddies to break Denis and Rick like twigs. The slapstick mucilage doesn't bind with the film's increasingly straightforward dramedy about Denis' epiphany that his dream girl is human.
Luckily, Panettiere really does make Beth the cheerleader of every boy's dreams, as well as a flesh-and-blood girl who knows all the work, luck and silliness that went into winning that iconic position. When she instructs Denis, " for future reference," that he should put his arm around a girl when she talks about the moon, she imbues Beth with the blaze of youth as well as a poignant recognition that it does burn quickly. It's a performance to savor now - and to store for future reference.
I Love You, Beth Cooper
(Fox Atomic) Starring Hayden Panettiere, Paul Rust and Jack T. Carpenter. Directed by Chris Columbus. Rated PG-13 for crude and sexual content, language and brief violence. Time 101 minutes.
