Feeling unfaithful with young and slim over sluggish and old

If I am going to the grocery store, do I put it to sleep?

If I am going away for the weekend, do I put it in "hibernate?"

If I am going to tour Europe with my new, slim man and his uncluttered mind, do I turn it off?

Can I turn this new machine off? Its keyboard lights are always on, if you know what I mean.

And, while we are on the topic, why doesn't it have "sleep six hours and then wake up in the middle of the night and, unable to get back to sleep, might as well check your e-mail" mode? I mean, it has everything else.

Humans were meant to be monogamous, in terms of computers. You can have one at home and one at work (the office wife?), but it is no good having two at home.

You start out determined to use each home computer for its strength - one for record-keeping and the other for mobility - but pretty soon you are just using the new, youthful computer, and you can't remember what you ever used the old one for.

I am pretty sure that's why bigamy, not to mention polygamy, is illegal. It is just never going to work out. Things are never going to be the same for Big Love's first wife, Jeanne Tripplehorn, after second wife, Chloe Sevigny, moves in.

One thing I do think about, though.

My old computer is plugged into a wall socket, and it hasn't moved in all these years. It is slow and clunky, but it is there every day when I get home from work.

That pretty little laptop? Somebody could steal it out of my car in a minute.