Yes, Virginia, do it

faceoff: should the orioles sign santa claus as a free agent?

December 25, 2008|By CANDUS THOMSON

Of course, the Angelistas should sign the jolly old elf if he promises to lay off the eggnog and tell management what's in the pipe.

With the exception of their very cool mascot and brick warehouse, the Orioles have a charisma deficit that not even the silver-tongued Aubrey Huff can fill.

Is there a more beloved figure in the country than Santa? Is there anyone who exudes that kind of goodwill?

But Santa's more than that. He will take the ball every fifth day and won't make excuses.

You need someone cool in the clutch, a clubhouse leader? Hey, Santa deals with hundreds of workshop elves who have a very strict union and still comes through every Dec. 25.

OK, so when it comes to conditioning, he's a bowlful of jelly. But in their primes, Sidney Ponson and Sid Fernandez were no Jack LaLannes, if you know what I mean. Besides, Santa hauls around sacks of toys, bounds down chimneys and drives a team of reindeer around the world without stopping. That's a better workout than Pilates.

Of course there's a down side. He wears fur - head to toe - all year. That will correct itself once he has played in Baltimore in late July. But would you really want another Jim Palmer? The change from red and black to orange and black won't be much of an adjustment.

The best part? Scott Boras isn't his agent.

Santa's the man.

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